ROCD: I keep getting thoughts that my partner thinks he’s better than me and that I am not seen for my complete worth in this relationship. I keep analysing my boyfriend like ‘he hasn’t given me much attention tonight’ or ‘he’s only hugging me tonight from behind whilst I do the dishes because it’s a typical thing to do. And thoughts like am I being manipulated? And my boyfriend is already a very know it all kind of guy so this triggers my ocd and when I talk about something he always knows more about it or my mind says can’t I just have this moment for once? Why does he always have to be better? Any help here. My ocd is definitely making this harder for me.

That’s a tough rope to walk - my best advice would be to give it time. If this obsession dissipates or changes into something else, it’s likely all OCD. If these particular behaviors continue to bother you long term, maybe it really is a compatibility issue. I write from experience dating a full-blown narcissist that if he really does think he always knows best and doesn’t take what you have to say into account, this won’t be a healthy relationship long term

A good practice would be to sit with that uncertainty for now and give this time. See how you feel in a week, a few weeks, a month. I listened to a recent episode of “OCD Stories” podcast and a counselor was on talking about OCD and relationships. He recommended when you have thoughts such as yours to give them some time rather than immediately acting on them. This is good for treating your OCD (learning to live with uncertainty) plus gives you time to figure out if it’s OCD or a genuine concern.

@Sunrise22 This has been going on for w while now so I’m unsure. I keep putting it off but the thought that knowing when I next come back to it in time I will still be unsure then so I’m completely lost :(

@Melkate Do you have a counselor that you see for OCD? Have you asked them their thoughts?

@Sunrise22 I did but I felt they didn’t really know what they were on about. I’m from uk and it’s close to impossible to find a good therapist for pure ocd here. Also I can’t really afford it. But I keep looking :)

@Melkate Yes, keep looking! I am sure the right therapist does exist. It’s similar here in the U.S. lots of therapists that “specialize” in anxiety disorders but aren’t well versed in OCD. You’d think they would be when 1 in 100 people has it, or 70,000,000 of those of us on earth! ?

@Sunrise22 I know it’s terrible! I’m so thankful for this app though. Being on here is kind of therapeutic I find. :)

@Melkate I think it’s super therapeutic! I’ve found that it feels really good when I share that I’m working toward avoiding a compulsion or did successfully avoid peforming a ritual and then I get feedback from others encouraging me. It helps me to keep trying! Have you ever created some exposure scripts for yourself, exposing yourself to the thoughts that you find threatening? I find that this is really helpful for me

@Sunrise22 I have tried but not very good at it. Any tips on dealing with the anxiety in the moment??

@Melkate @Melkate Try again! I write mine, record them in my voice, and then listen to the script on repeat for 45 minutes at a time. I use an audio app called VLC. I light a candle, lay down on my bed, put my ear buds in, cover myself with a cozy blanket, and put a lavender eye mask on. You’d be really surprised how quickly the script becomes boring when you listen to it on repeat in a state where you’ve allowed your body to relax.

@Sunrise22 What would I write then? I’m afraid if I listen to it too much I’ll get the thoughts more? Or I’ll start to subconsciously believe it

@Sunrise22 Also how would I write the script? Would I just write thoughts that I get? Like ‘yep I definitely don’t love him’ and ‘I’m more likely to do wrong’ and stuff like that? Just repeating things like that?

@Melkate You would write out the scenario you fear, in detail, making it the “worst case scenario”. When I write mine they’re usually about a page long.

Yes, it can feel hellish. Remember that some of that is magical thinking: thinking about something doesn’t make it so. It sounds like your relationship is a good chance for you to do some exposure therapy!

@Sunrise22 That’s true! I will keep doing that. Thankyou for the link. :)

What is the video called on ocd stories? Can’t find it but on the channel