With my HOCD i keep creating hypothetical situation that i don’t want to happen. like scenarios that i see in so many movies where the character is straight their whole life and then they meet someone of the same sex and they end up falling in love with them. i’m scared that will happen to me and i don’t want it too the thing is i used to love watching these movies and shows hat showed these scenarios cus i found them so wholesome and i just love love. for example Call my by your name, Alex strangelove, atypical i’ve watched these things so many times and i absolutely love them is there a way i can stop creating these hypothetical situations cus it’s the biggest thing i need to overcome. i feel like i know i’m not attracted to girls in that way i just need to stop making these hypothetical situations. thanks.

you explained everything i’m going through. today i went to school and i got the courage to look at my girl friends in the eye instead of hiding my eyes and being scared that i’m may like them and my anxiety isn’t souring right now. do everything you’re uncomfortable with doing. do everything that you’re avoiding. if you see news about lgbtq+ and you get anxious READ IT. if you get a gay thoughts play it out and when you’re done say “ok, that was an interesting thought. maybe it’ll happen maybe not. oh well” this gives the thought less power trust me. i’ve only done this for two days and i feel less anxiety. it’s not gone completely BUT it’s going slowly. love you. please don’t reassure yourself that you’re straight this is the first time i did this today and it feels better. i don’t feel like i’m lying about my sexuality. i still get the thoughts but it’ll be ok. stop seeking assurance on this app only look at ERP treatments.

@okokokokokokokok ERP doesn't exactly work for me. I tried it for about good 2 to 3 month now. I only so meditation and that helps a lot. I look at LGBT stuff now and Im starting desensitize (honestly saying they are just fucking annoying at this point) But I still can't get that "maybe maybe not" thought. It's hard because I don't want to turn out gay because of my HOCD. I also can't get attracted to a guy properly now and I always have this thought at the back of my head that ill not enjoy sex with guys, something which I've fantasized and dreamt about. Now my thoughts are mainly of not getting attracted or enjoying sex with guys and me being bisexual. How do you get that "mabe maybe not" thought and is HOCD just a fear or something similar to denial?

@okokokokokokokok Also how I told I thought I was "bi" a year ago, even back then I had this underlying fear that I was going to start liking girls more than guys and eventually turn gay. But I would mostly ignore and go about my day getting attracted to guys. It just never felt comfy thinking of girls :(. I feel like I've ruined my own sexuality by thinking I was bi and for ing the label on myself, I just have this unexplainable guilt :(. This is much more scarier because I'm just 14 and I never thought about girls sexually even during puberty (at age 9)

@chamomil& before the HOCD happened did you find LGBTQ+ things annoying cus i went through a phase where i said those things like last month but they didn’t feel right cus i’ve always been an ally to the community. also ERP works for everyone maybe you’re not doing it right. don’t reassure yourself stop telling youre self you’re striaght but you don’t have to tell you’re self you’re bisexual. just say “maybe i am bi, who cares” so the anxiety has less power. this is an anxiety issue not a sexuality issue. also you need to stop asking for reasssurance and asking if this is denial cus that sound like a compulsion which is one of kind that i’ve stopped doing and i feel less anxiety. when you go on this app look at things to treat it not reassuring that you has HOCD or whether you’re in denial. if you were in denial it would feel right. it’s he same as POCD. it’s just another for of OCD. this post should and will be the last reassuring you get or else you will never get anywhere. you’ll get through this trust me.

@chamomil& everyone has had that thought before. i had that thought before and yh it scared me and it felt wrong but i was crazy anxious at the time and the thought had no meaning cus i didn’t dwell on it and over think it and over evaluate it and check my down stairs area and reassure myself by looking at boys and reassure my self but asking people. it was a thought that left as soon as it came. the goal is to get back to that place. this is an anxiety + HOCD issue. not a sexuality issue cus i said if it was it would feel right

@okokokokokokokok i meant *i wasn’t crazy anxious at the time and the thought had no meaning

@okokokokokokokok I was an ally and somebody that identified "bi" so I was apart of the community for a short period of time but I wouldn't like any ships of guys or girls (idk I was always supportive but those seemed extremely cringy to me). I'd skip any part where girls were kissing though I was "bisexual". Also during HOCD did you have that "no attraction to guys" problem? And does recovery help you get that back? I have this and I'm worried extremely that I wouldn't enjoy being with a guy :(

@chamomil& yes i’ve felt that but after doing the ERP it’s not a huge fear anymore cus i know for a fact it’s false. also i’m confused are you saying you’re bisexual? what are you obsessing over in regards to sexuality?

@okokokokokokokok I'm saying I used to be "bisexual". The thing is my head told about a year ago that I wanted to be bisexual. This thought I think came because I would listen to Clairo and I always wanted to be like her (I can't remember but something similar). I just wasn't and I forced myself into thinking I like girls when I naturally didn't have romantic or sexual thought of them. My concern is a bit complicated where I feel I've changed myself because I used to think and have the feeling of being bisexual, and now I'm gonna turn gay and can't be with guys anymore or potentially lose my attraction completely for them :(

@chamomil& do ERP. contact a therapist or a counsellor they the best people to guide you through this.

@okokokokokokokok I can't have a therapist and there's a complicated reason behind why. Also it just doesn't work for me everytime. Meditation is better to do atleast gets me calm from GAD

@chamomil& i’m sorry i’m not sure how to help you but i feel like ERP is the most helpful suggestion as it’s the hardest thing to do. maybe search up how to do it effectively and when you feel like you need to assure your self that you are bi,DONT. i hope i helped i’m really sorry if i didn’t. this is very new to me and i’m trying to get through it too. ❤️❤️❤️??

@okokokokokokokok I've like literally searched Evey option but it doesn't work in my case, i have it like to severely, also I don't assure myself I'm bi, I assure myself I'm straight (just like you). Being bisexual stresses me out and I left the label long back, it doesn't feel comfortable

@okokokokokokokok Also thank you for all the tips, I just hope that atleast through meditation, I can get atleast a but of insight on myself and doing exposures just realise what's false and what's not. I really hope to go back being normal and liking guys like I used to :)

@chamomil& don’t assure yourself you’re straight. i used to do that cus it gave me relief but ever since i stopped assuring myself i felt a bit better. before this HOCD you never had to assure yourself about your sexuality cus it wasn’t a thought. don’t asssure yourself you’re straight, if your thought tell you that something you’re doing is gay like sitting close to a girl sit a bit closer to her (not in a creepy way) you’re challenging these thoughts

@okokokokokokokok Is it weird that I've had it for so long that I'm kind of starting to desensitize and I can perform exposures? But I can't stop the compulsions and anxiety that come along? It makes me think I'm gay/bisexual everytime I do an exposure. Is that what's supposed to happen?

@chamomil& yes you’re suppose to feel the anxiety. you feeling the anxiety and not turning it off or doing the compulsions gives the anxiety less power. it tells your brain to not view this as a threat since you’ve relayed gay/bi to fear which is why when you see gay things you get scared. but the more you expose yourself to it and not reassure yourself and not so your compulsions it will get better. your suppose to feel anxious. and it’s so hard but you need to push through or you’ll NEVER feel better

@okokokokokokokok Ok I just did this thing I was arching some TikTok compilation on YouTube and I got suggested this LGBT one and I watched it. Ngl halfway through I started getting annoyed honestly but I was anxious and my heart's beating really fast and I'm having heavy breathing. Im also in my mind like "do I like that?". Is that normal I hope?

@chamomil& that’s very normal. push through you’re facing your fears. it’s like going on a roller coaster of going on a plane, it’s scary but you’ll get used to it the more you do it

@okokokokokokokok I'm aad, like extremely sad. I feel like I'm having false attractions and I feel like I'm getting annoyed because I want a girlfriend. This was a good self control exercise but I can't help but be fucking annoyed by these ugh :(

@chamomil& hocd creates a lot of doubts. i’m having one right now and i feel like crying cus i don’t know if i’m lying to myself or not. you’re going to feel this way but you need to stop reassuring yourself and push through

@okokokokokokokok I'm just looking at guys to calm down, I'm feeling ok but I feel like Im lying too :(

@chamomil& that’s exactly what not to do. that’s your reassurance that you’re straight. stop doing that do not go out of your way to look at guys. if you have a anxious intrusive that you may be gay give into that thought say “yh maybe i am, maybe i’m not” i just did this and it caused create anxiety like i have awful stomach pains right now but reassuring never goes anywhere does it. your problem is you keep reassuring yourself. if you really wanna get better you’ll stop. you need to face your fear and it’ll slowly get smaller

@okokokokokokokok Ok then wth do I do In the place of looking at boys? it's like my one and only relaxation or freedom is gone

@okokokokokokokok Because guess what I've amounts of exposures In the past and it doesn't work for me. It doesn't seem to get smaller

@chamomil& ok you look at boys and you feel relaxed. what happens when you look at girls?

@okokokokokokokok Obviously makes me feel disgusted and anxious, i feel weird in my stomach and my heart starts racing and I have this intense urge to start crying

@okokokokokokokok My anxiety actually stops significantly looking at guys and just naturally imagining them. Sometimes I get anxious but the feeling I get from looking at them feels extremely good like you know that warm and giddy feeling?

@chamomil& you’re reassuring yourself stop going out of your way to look at guys. call one of the therapist they have on this app cus i dunno how to help you right now

@okokokokokokokok What's else do I do to relax then? I can't contact one because I don't live in the US

@chamomil& neither do i. just type in any state and book an appointment. that’s what i did.

@okokokokokokokok Oh well I don't know, is it free and is it just like texting type or video calls?

@chamomil& it’s a free phone call

@okokokokokokokok Oh...well my mom is definitely gonna catch me and be like "who you talking to?" She's pretty toxic and strict :(