I’ve been dealing with HOCD since January 8 and it all started with a friend telling me i give off a gay vibe and he could see me with a girl one day. i have anxiety disorder as well i thought i’d mention and i’m also 16. when it come to my HOCD it’s about the fear that i was never straight and the fear that i could potentially fall in love with a girl because i’ve seen this happen with friends and on movies the compulsions i did was avoiding things on instagram that showed same sex lesbian couples, movie or show edits like call me by your name, atypical, same sex couples edits in general. i used to love watching these edits and they had no attachment to me but i can’t stop relating it to myself. i’d stop listening to music from artist that were gay or gave off a gay vibe like billie eilish, frank ocean, clairo, tyler the creator- literally my fav artist. i’d follow a bunch of pages of boy on instagram even though before the bs started i never liked those pages cus i found them really cringy. i didn’t go on tiktok cus of the gay culture on there. i’d avoid news articles about LGBTQ+. i unfollowed many girls that reminded me of my obsession. for reassurance i would talk to myself in the mirror or in the shower or i’d pray or i’d ask people if i give off a gay vibe and the answer would always be “no sis you’re straight” felt good for like an hour then i thought would pop up and i’d go back into my depressed state. i didn’t go to school for a week cus of this. i’d pay so much attention to my downstairs area every time i’d look at pictures of girls For ERP i created a music playlist with all the artist that remind me of LGBTQ+, i made a folder in instagram with things that remind me of LGBTQ+ and when ever i get a thought or create hypothetical situation i let them play out and i let my mind run wild no matter how uncomfortable or depressed it makes me feel. i re-followed all the girls that remind me of my obsession. i made the movie call my by your name my phone background so i can get used to that anxiety i feel. keep in mind I’ve only been doing this for two days so if you’re gonna ask me if it’s worked, it’s a tiny tiny bit better but all progress is progress i think good advice is stop looking up things about HOCD and start looking up things about ERP because for me reading things about it was also my compulsion and reassurance and it’s not healthy. i love you all and i know we will all get back to our normal selves. ❤️?

Sexual Orientation OCD

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Wow!!!! You're rocking the recovery skills!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

thank you. i’ve only been doing this for a day but it feels a bit better. i was wondering, i have a false attraction to one girl and everytime i see her i get anxious and my stomach starts to hurt and i literally can’t look at her in the eyes. when i actually talk to her though i feel calm like i’m talking to a friend. could i have some tips to deal with this. thank you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@okokokokokokokok Same thing as you

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@okokokokokokokok Talk to her more? Or maybe if you're friends, take a selfie with her and put it somewhere you'll see it frequently

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie i have her instagram and when i look at her pic it make me feel anxious like my mind starts running. but when i’m with her i’m very calm and serene. but today i couldn’t look her in the eye and i’m beating myself up about it cus that’s the one thing im trying to get over

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@okokokokokokokok Is beating yourself up helping?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie no i feel guilty for not looking at her in the eye cus now my thoughts are running and i’m almost doing reassurance

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@okokokokokokokok I don't know whether this fits into the kind of friendship you have, but the idea of a staring contest as ero just popped into my mind

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie lol that would be funny i feel. we aren’t that close but when we tlak i’ll be sure to keep eye contact. before this HOCD i admired her so much i literally wanted to be her. everytime i saw he i thought “wow i wish my hair was like that, i wish my clothes were like that” but now it feels like i’m checking her out but i’ll let myself look at her and i will not look away. but with the whole looking at someone and feeling back so you make yourself look again, i don’t want to look like a stalker or a creep so how do i do ERP in school without looking like a creep?

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@okokokokokokokok Let me think on that a bit

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