Break up urges HELP PLEASE Sometimes I look at pictures of my boyfriend and I feel this pit in my stomach and anxiety and I think to myself “just break it off” and I feel relieved and then I freak out cause I must be lying to myself about loving him even though yesterday I as crying and heartbroken about him going abroad next year......if anyone else has experienced this please help!!!!

Everyday I wake up and start searching for reason to breakup with my partner. I feel utterly confused by relationships and dating. Not to mention, I’m autistic and this has always been a huge struggle for me. In fact, it led me to both diagnoses of ASD and OCD. I can see there are some things I am not happy with in my current relationship and I understand that, but when does it become too much? I started having limerence over a random person because my brain just wants an out so fast. I told myself that I wouldn’t until I get proper help (medication, constant erp therapy etc). Every time I think about breaking up I start sobbing and my body vehemently rejects it. Its really confusing and disorienting for me and cant trust a damn thought in me. I’m scared that I’m just taking him along for the ride and potentially will severely fuck him up emotionally because of this. I guess thats where I can feel the OCD. My fear of being a bad person and the people around me being bad people. I dont know if I need advice because I think this may be me searching for a compulsion to do. But I just want to get this out of my system. I have severe Disney-like unrealistic expectations sometimes. I had to maladaptive daydream all the time growing up to get out of my traumatic upbringing and brain (tbh). I still do. I am aware of that and try to put myself into check. I just cant stop comparing my friends own beautiful relationships to my own. Most of them are in the “engagement” stage of their relationships. Even though it’s ridiculous, all of them have worked on it for many years at this point.

I broke up with my boyfriend today because of how bad my anxiety had gotten I couldn’t tell what was my heart and what was my head. I’m heartbroken because I feel like I lost my best friend and I truly do have love for him and want him in my future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We broke up because I’m not on medication for my anxiety and have a doctor’s appointment coming up on Wednesday to see about getting some. I still feel anxious after our breaks but I feel guilty to admit that I do feel better. I’m still just anxious in general a little and I don’t know why. We had decided to stay in touch but not on a daily or even weekly basis, just because there is no hate in our relationship just pure love. I’m just so scared and sad that I really will lose him and be all alone.

I'm a bit stressed rn. I'm with my boyfriend and we're on holiday, everything should be fine and so nice but instead I keep having intrusive thoughts.. like "am I having enough fun?", "he's on the phone a lot, he doesn't consider me, he's not the right person", then he has behaviors or ways of doing things that bother me a little and I constantly question him... first we went into a hotel room, we had sex and after the shower I felt this need to cry that I can't explain, it had already happened, sometimes it doesn't even appeal to me to do it with him, out of anxiety for me, because I'm tense, out of fear of performance. For context: we go to university together, and in the summer it's a long-distance relationship, last year during the summer period I had this very heavy sense of detachment when many days (2 weeks) passed that we didn't see each other, over time it decreased, but I still perceive it. sometimes it seems like a stranger to me, and I struggle to get close to it. This summer was going better, last month I went to him and I had this episode of detachment again, we also talked about it, and then it went better and I remember leaving him a note where I wrote that I felt good with him, that I loved him and that I was able to be myself and calm in his company. From then until yesterday, when we saw each other again, it happened that I discovered my sister, a person whose opinion I am very fond of, told me she didn't see me well with him, not 100%, for a reason that sometimes I also questioned (the emotional depth), since then I overthink about that, and today, during our holiday, it continues to weigh on me... I don't know what to do, I don't know what to believe, I'm very tired and exhausted from having these thoughts, when I said I was fine with him in reality I was lying? and I feel this feeling of emptiness often, like I don't love him enough, I don't understand...