I need some encouragement. I’m trying to delay a compulsion and my brain is screaming at me that if I don’t do it, I’ll HAVE to do the thing I fear doing (breaking no contact with my abusive ex after 2.5 years). I obviously don’t want to do this so it’s what my OCD i is glommed onto. Please help!

There's this video called "beeg yoshi" that I always watch when I'm like you, check it out. It never fails to make me laugh.

I was able to delay for a couple of hours - I think the anxiety has started to go down. I know rationally that I won’t do the thing I fear but that fear is still there. I think this is really a form of harm OCD, as in, I’m fearful of harming myself through that action. It’s funny - this is the feared situation that my mind has come up with in the last few months. Before that, no contact hasn’t been an issue. I’m hoping that the obsessions will eventually stop as I don’t do the anxiety-relieving compulsions

@HopefullyOptimistic My refocusing strategy was to go for a walk. That seemed to give me both some mental and physical distance from my compulsion, enough for the anxiety to go down. I know I have to face this feared scenario, it’s just so hard sometimes

@Sunrise22 The best thing you can do is make living with ocd tolerable. I hope u don't mind me asking, but are you in a relationship right now?

@HopefullyOptimistic I am - we’ve been together for about two years. He’s basically the polar opposite of my ex. He knows that I have OCD but doesn’t know the contents of my thoughts. I think I’m having the particular fear of breaking no contact with my ex because that’s probably what I fear most. It was a very emotionally manipulative relationship (on his part) and turned to physical threats toward the end. The break up itself was incredibly painful as it was sudden and I had to continue living in that environment with that person for two months before I got out. It was the worst experience I’ve ever been through. I have seasonal affective disorder, and this year it seems like instead of depression, my OCD is ramping up instead and it decided that this was a great theme to focus on ?

Out of curiosity, what made you write that this is “bad”? The content of the thoughts? The distress it was (is) causing me?

@Sunrise22 No, but contacting an abusive ex sounds bad if you ask me.

@HopefullyOptimistic Distress and the thought itself are certainly not good, but the ramifications of contacting an abusive ex can be disastrous on your mental health.

@HopefullyOptimistic I really appreciate your support - I’m surprised no one else replied to this post. I wonder how common similar thoughts are? I agree - the ramifications on my mental health would be disastrous. The extent that I’d be breaking no contact would be to look him up online. Probably not actually talking to him. But just the act of that would be INCREDIBLY painful because it would feel like I was right back in it again. I thought I was over the trauma from that relationship but since it’s been over two years and he still has free rent in my brain, I’m obviously not. I had worked with a trauma-focused therapist in the past and thought I was doing better but I think it might be a good idea to get into trauma-focused treatment again.

@HopefullyOptimistic I think I know what you mean. The “no” is to the fact that the thought itself isn’t inherently bad but it would have bad consequences for me so you can see how it would be scary, right?

@Sunrise22 Yep, you read me now.

@HopefullyOptimistic How do your symptoms show up for you?

@Sunrise22 Yours truly has existential OCD, which means that I basically have a bad time whenever existential questions pop up, like things about death or the nature of reality. Think of me as a guy who thinks he's living in the Matrix, but would do anything to take the blue pill. Whenever the questions flare up, I can get a panic attack and be pretty much depressed for the entire day. It's hard because it questions things I've always taken for granted. P.S I don't think I'm in the matrix its the possibility that freaks the hell out of me.

@HopefullyOptimistic Thanks for asking btw. I always reply to folks but very rarely does someone ask me about myself.

@HopefullyOptimistic You’re very welcome!! I like having conversations with people because it brings out the true humanity behind the chat board. We’re all real people after all! Have you always had OCD in this form, the existential questions, or has the topic changed over time?

@Sunrise22 Yup. It always was about existential questions, except that one time when I read about HOCD, and questioned my sexuality for a bit, but that didn't last long. But the questions posed by it can change, when it first came along it was about simulation theory, and I don't know what happened I knew it for years, and then about a thing called solipsism. Its basically saying that "what if real life is a simulation, and I'm the only entity in it?". Freaky, right? If only I hadn't taken that philosophy course. Please forgive me for exposing you to these ideas, they can be horrific for people like myself, that my whole life can be an illusion, all my loved ones illusions, holy shit I'd rather die.

@HopefullyOptimistic Hahaha nope, no worries! I actually just listened to a podcast on this topic yesterday. It doesn’t trigger me. OCD and what we fixate on is so weird

@HopefullyOptimistic I’ll send you the podcast link, but only if you want some exposure :)

@Sunrise22 Yes, please! So sorry for the late reply, I fell asleep after that last message?

@HopefullyOptimistic https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/paranormal-podcast/id78459818?i=1000467377121

@HopefullyOptimistic Ignore the show’s title and description, lol! The first half of the episode is on our experience of human existence

@Sunrise22 Thanks a bunch! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here!

@HopefullyOptimistic Thanks! So far I’m feeling a bit better today than yesterday. It helps that I finally got 8 hours of sleep last night. I’ve been able to resist all compulsions so far today!

@Sunrise22 Ah, I just love sleep. The only time of the day when I'm at peace. I'm also better today!

@HopefullyOptimistic Do you have nice weather where you are? We do - sunny and blue skies - and it really makes me feel a lot more optimistic

@Sunrise22 Hehehe! I live in Alexandria, Egypt and it is still raining! Rain pretty much forgets all of egypt and comes to us.

@HopefullyOptimistic Oh wow! Very different climate as to where I live. I live in Wisconsin, one of the northern-most states in the United States, alone the Canadian border. It’s a beautiful early spring day here - 50 degrees F

@HopefullyOptimistic Rain is nice though - I like listening to it. Even when it’s gray I have an appreciation for what it’s doing for the plants and earth

@Sunrise22 You're lucky! I'll tell you a little secret: I've never seen snow in my ENTIRE LIFE. It makes me feel that I'm missing out on a whole bunch of things, especially that I've always wanted to snowboard since I was a kid.

@Sunrise22 Not only rain though, most of the time hail comes along, and you cant sleep all night because of it crashing on your window.

@HopefullyOptimistic Snow is pretty magical - especially on calm nights when it drifts down in big flakes and you feel like you’re in a snow globe. You should plan a trip to get somewhere to see it!

@HopefullyOptimistic I’ve skied but never snowboarded. It’s something I’d like to try.

@Sunrise22 Yes, it is! I'll try to, but right now with the whole Coronavirus situation its gonna be hard

@HopefullyOptimistic Yeah travel is really precarious right now. You don’t want to end up having a trip be cancelled or get stuck somewhere