Living with the fear of going crazy. Hey everyone, through my journey living with OCD I’ve had many different themes. The most enduring one was Harm OCD, but I would also have intermittent POCD thoughts. It wasn’t until the last few years that I developed a new theme: the fear of developing psychosis/schizophrenia. While this theme seems to be far more common, it is my experience it isn’t really noted in most of the conventional information you might find online. In all the books, websites, videos, and blogs I’ve digested, I’ve only seen it mentioned a few times. But a perusal online shows that in many OCD communities, it’s a common fear. That’s why, for those of you who are suffering or may suffer with this theme, that I find it important to share the experience openly. During the day-to-day, depending on the intensity of the obsessions, it can have a profoundly limited effect on your life. You want to avoid any scenario that might trigger the thoughts, but the avoidance leads to ever-increasing isolation. Personally, I’ve found actively participating in treatment and ERP has helped me maintain most of my regular responsibilities and habits. In the past, an OCD spike could really derail my life. And while I’m certainly dealing with more intrusive thoughts than “usual” at the moment, knowing I have the support of the community and my therapist helps me stay on course. It is without question that without treatment, my suffering would be greater than it is now. I have tools now to manage it that I never had before. It’s important to remember that no matter the theme, someone else is experiencing it. And within that theme, the particular thoughts aren’t really the issue. It’s our response and relationship to them. OCD is incredibly creative, and many with OCD tend to be reflective and conscientious people! You may have all manner of odd, strange, or disturbing thoughts. And that’s ok! Although it seems like a tired cliche, you’re never truly alone. If you have this theme, and are comfortable sharing, it can help others feel that they can be open and without judgement. I hope this has helped someone who felt isolated. Thank you!

That’s fantastic! I agree with you while-heartedly. One of the more confusing experiences can be manifesting symptoms that you read online. Anxiety/OCD is a potent force and can really trick your mind.

You go. ? I’ve actually thought about taking a job where I work with people with mental health issues as a form of ERP. Like maybe a volunteer gig or something. That’s how bad this theme was for me until very recently lol.

You’re a warrior! Don’t forget how tough you are. You’ve already battled the intrusive thoughts, it’ll be good practice when you start ERP therapy

That’s fantastic, you’re going to do great!

Do you know the episode number?

@pac https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ocd-stories/id1065492988?i=1000464377591

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thank you!

Something that helps me is to just acknowledge that the thought is there and accept that it might mean my worst fear is coming true. Like many of you, my OCD is incredibly creative. So there’s really no limit to the types of thoughts it’ll conjure for me. What’s important is how you respond to them. Learning to reduce or eliminate compulsions is one of the most effective ways of reducing OCD’s impact in your life.

Definitely! Do the exact same thing, it’s a very common obsession in OCD.

I also want to chime in and let you know that I used to have this theme with my thoughts. I did get better. Really, truly, try to do the exposures and practice non-avoidance and avoiding compulsions to lessen your anxiety surrounding the thoughts. Eventually your brain will realize that it doesn’t need to give you the distress signal anymore because you’re not responding to it

@Sunrise22 thank you. its seriously so awful

@Sunrise22 you did the same thing with the delusional intrusive thoughts? did you question if you beleive them and feel unsure? like you know they are not real but if you believe them then you are delusional. ...its so awful

@rg17 Yes. This experience is super common. We have a Snapchat group with a few of us with the same theme if you’d like to join!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett yes that would be great

@rg17 Ok, just need your Snap!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett rachg1787

@rg17 Oh my gosh you sound exactly like me. I know EXACTLY what you mean. When you ask yourself “do I really believe this” you can never give a satisfying “No” answer, because your body is reacting as if the thoughts are real, and they just FEEL real. I know this comment is very old but here is a link to my most recent post where I talk about my “delusional” intrusive thoughts. Please let me know if you ever beat this horrible theme. Please reply when you can.

@mrselfdestruct1994 Hi there! I did overcome it! It was admittedly the most distressing thing I have been through. I realized that by asking myself if I believe the thoughts I was checking. Once I stopped doing that, the obsessions went away quickly. Hard to do, but I literally do not care about these thoughts anymore. If I have them at all anymore, I don't even notice

Well, it’s something I still have to manage. There are times where it’s more or less present. And I might go through phases where I don’t deal with it much. Treatment and support are the best options. If you’re able to connect with a specialist, they can help give you the tools to do it!

@Carl Cornett Hey Carl, I am dealing with the same theme extremely bad right now, these “delusional” intrusive thoughts have taken over my life. I know this comment thread is very old but please reply when you can. Did you ever beat this?

So I do scripting most mornings. I’ll write things out based on what sort of intrusive thoughts I’ve been experiencing more often. Sometimes I notice certain repetitive content, other times it’s kind of all over the place. I, and others, also have had the intrusive “delusions” you speak of. It’s my primary obsessional content now and has been, mostly, for the last two years. You’re not alone.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett its so maddening, the thoughts get SO bizarre and they feel so weird ( i dont even know if that makes sense) i just want to feel certain i know they are not true, if i could do that, i would feel better.