trying not to analyze and look into things rn. so i have hocd. i’ve never had a bf or even really been in the talking stage with a guy. i’ve had many crushes though just never confident enough to tell them. i have very low self esteem and confidence. so right now i’m talking to this guy who i met through a friend. and he’s only seen me in person a couple years back. and he really likes me and he’s nice. but i’m just not attracted to him. this may sound bad but for me i have to be somewhat physically attracted to a guy in order to like him. but i continue talking to this guy because (again sounds really bad i know) i like the attention. but the fact that i don’t want to go out with him or actually date him or anything makes my hocd question everything. but then i feel like i’ll never have anyone that likes me that’s cute because my confidence and self esteem is low. so to be honest i think this is one of those “you have to love yourself before you love anyone else” type things but hocd still makes me question it

yea i hear about a lot of people who’s hocd gets bad because of their lack of self confidence

@kaysf Yep, OCD just attacks the most vulnerable parts of yourself

@poprocks1 glad to know someone else has the same issues as me

@kaysf Same! We will get through it! I’ve mostly overcome HOCD but I still deal with self confidence issues

@poprocks1 my hocd has gotten a lot better. it never gets as bad as it used to where i couldn’t even leave the house and that’s all i’d think about and my friends and family could tell something was wrong. but it’s still something that sits in the back of my mind and becomes somewhat active when something triggers it

@kaysf Same

@poprocks1 and for me, masculine lesbians have been a huge trigger and for some reason it seems like there’s been so many of them on social media recently and unless they’re super ugly, my mind makes me think i’m attracted to all of them. well it’s more of a questioning if i am and not being able to come up with a definite answer and this makes me think i am

@kaysf Yeah what I did with those thoughts is just accepted it as a possibility then moved on rather than fearing it. Once I did that I realized the thoughts were not true

thank you! it really helps when you know someone’s going through something really similar. i just haven’t found a guy who i really like that likes me back. or maybe i have but i’ve been too afraid to tell them so they didn’t tell me. idek. and i’m sorry to hear you’ve been dumped.

@kaysf Yeah it’s been rough lol. Lots of crying. But I’m the same way as you. I’m very shy around guys and am the type of girl that wants them to make the first move. So my ocd turns into that I’m gay or bisexual or that I have a crush on my best friend or 900 other things.

@Madeline omg mine has also recently turned into the thought that i have a crush on my best friend

@kaysf Omg tea! Isn’t it the worst! Like I literally don’t want to hang out with her anymore. And she’s the kind of person who’s very touchy feely and makes jokes and gives tons of compliments. So I often find myself thinking “oh she’ll probably say I look pretty today.” And hocd comes in and says “That’s cause your gay”

@Madeline LITERALLY SAME. OMG

@kaysf See so we’re not crazy!

@Madeline i mean my “best friend” has changed a lot recently. she got a bf and a new set of friends. mind you those friends of hers don’t exactly like me so she’s been super distant from me since then. and i feel like she’ll come back to me if her and her boyfriend break up because she’ll be sad and i know the most about them. so (i know this sounds so bad but i just want my best friend back) part of me hopes they break up. he doesn’t treat her right either. and then this made me think i want them to break up cause i’m jealous of him and i actually want to be with her

@kaysf No that’s a totally valid reason. Hocd takes normal things and turns it into something completely different. Platonic love is a thing. You can love someone without being in love with them. For example you love your family, but your not physically attracted to them.

@Madeline yea. tbh she’s been my closest friend since second grade so i’ve kinda always been jealous of her other friends especially when she replaces me with them but this is the worst it’s ever gotten so it’s been making my hocd bad

@kaysf I totally understand. She’s still a really important person in your life. You can love someone completely without being attracted to them. Hocd just takes that and twists it