Made the mistake yesterday of searching out other people’s experiences with suicidal OCD on reddit which many of them questioned whether they were actually suicidal or just having the OCD, as well as looking up on Twitter the hashtag #facesofOCD to see that many people also had depression with their OCD. This obviously made me more scared. I don’t think I’m depressed but the intrusive thoughts lately have been telling and making me feel like a lost cause, which scares me since I mostly struggle with harm/suicidal OCD. I know it isn’t true but the thoughts are still attacking me. Today I was very close to looking up quizzes on whether I did have depression or not since that’s what the thoughts were telling me I could be but I’m resisting that urge and letting it be instead! Not gonna get me!

Harm OCD

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

You learned from yesterday's experience and are applying that knowledge to today. Excellent!!!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Reddit and quota aren't good places to look for answers at all. Some people there fake many illnesses just to look experienced and give advice about matters they haven't researched well. And quizzes too, they are made just for "fun" but shouldn't be taken seriously. Please talk to a doctor if you suspect you have depression, if you treat it early you can live a happy life in the future hopefully

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

I don’t think I have depression is the think. Despite the OCD trying to tear me down and struggling with it everyday, I’m interested in the things around me, have a great time with family and friends, and try to make fun and great plans for myself in the future. I think it’s just the OCD trying to come up with excuses for reasons why people kill themselves since my most distressing topic is suicidal OCD (I have no desire to do so, just getting attacked with those intrusive thoughts and feelings). It’s just annoying that it’s shifted to thoughts surrounding purpose and meaning in life and whether I truly enjoy them to get me from that angle. I noticed that so I’m trying to not give into doing even more research on “maybe I have another thing and people with this thing do have a reason to want to die!”. Nope not gonna do that.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

But you’re right looking at reddit and other websites as such was a bad idea

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 Well that's a good thing if you still have interest in doing stuff and you're motivated. I Honestly don't have any of that and I admire people who do feel motivated. Great job on identifying that it's OCD making excuses. :)

Alejandra.arb

Date posted: 5y

@evelyn4416 our OCD is exactly the same. What you did by going on Reddit sounds like a compulsion to check and gain reassurance. That’s okay as long as you learned from this experience. Remember we can never be 100% certain of something. So when your brain tells you “you need to go online and read about depression and suicide” you have to then say “thank you mind. Thank you for telling me I should worry. But I choose not to do this.” Or “my thoughts are not dangerous, my thoughts can’t hurt me.” And instead of going online to check as a compulsion, schedule it and purposely do it as an exposure. Intentionally bring it on. And remember to sit with the discomfort because thats the way you will show your brain that discomfort and anxiety are not the problem. The problem is how you react to them. I still struggle, I have my days where I doubt whether I can do this, which triggers my suicidal OCD and fear of being depressed. In these situations I practice a lot of self compassion and love and try treating myself like I would treat a friend.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

Thank you, yes I felt that it is a compulsion to research. It doesn’t help completely though like we think it will! Like part of me is gaining that reassurance because I see other people struggle with the same thing I do, so I feel less alone in that sense. However, when I see others talk about different things that I don’t have, I later wonder “do I have that??” And then my mind worries that it could be a possibility. It’s so weird to me too to have to accept uncertainty when it comes to suicidal OCD. You have the same thing so you understand, like how could I accept such a thing? But I’ve heard accepting uncertainty regardless of the topic is the way to get over it. Tricky stuff!

Gremlin of D...

Date posted: 5y

I have Suicide OCD too

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

How has been your experience with it?

Gremlin of D...

Date posted: 5y

I started Zoloft and I saw a therapist but she didn’t specialist in OCD. She did help though. I learned mindfulness. I just have a bad habit of not maintaining once I get better.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

How has Zoloft been for you? Also have you done any ERP?

Gremlin of D...

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 Zoloft did help, but it was alongside therapy. I never did ERP with a therapist but I tried it on my own.

Gremlin of D...

Date posted: 5y

I’ve had it for about 9 years alongside other subsets. I didn’t realize what it was until about 3 years ago. It’s been difficult and scary.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

I’ve been dealing with other subsets along with it as well. Have you been doing any treatment for it?

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