I’m starting to feel this whole ocd thing is made up, it just never seems to go away

Actually the fear of asserting yourself even when the result is you doing stuff you don't want to do sounds more like codependency, probably from CPTSD. Try not to isolate yourself because of it. It might seem like being around other people is very stressful but you're right that it's because you don't assert yourself and set any boundaries, and other people can't read your mind, especially when you are saying the opposite of how you really feel. You're not the only one with this problem but it IS extremely destructive, both for you and for other unknowing people who you stew resentment for and can end up blowing up at. Therapy can help!

I found taking stimulant medication for my adhd made my OCD symptoms worse. This is just something to look out for if you are on stimulants! I had to come off of them it was so bad

@Emmaaaahh I’m hoping this is not a general consensus...

You're feeling really confused

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Please explain?

@daveyg It sounds like information overload. Too many ideas and you're not sure which ones to trust. Did you have success with ERP in the past?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie At some points

@daveyg I know too much.. I’m too aware of everything.. one day I do some ERP and then if I’ve had a bad day/S I go back to square one with the ERP and then it just becomes too hard or irrelevant because I’m dealing with something else on my mind

@daveyg I’m wandering, I’ve seen so many therapists, how can this not have been picked up

@daveyg I'm wondering if it just feels irrelevant.... But feelings aren't facts. What would it be like to commit to doing ERP every day, even when it doesn't feel important?

Try just allowing your OCD to be present and not react to it’s antagonising. It’s the only thing that works for me really.

Well everything you described is textbook CPTSD- struggling to assert your needs even to your detriment and feeling other people will bite your head off, making you unable to cope with feelings of vulnerability etc. If you don't want to research and upset yourself, there is a good book called CPTSD: from surviving to thriving, you can order it online, it's comprehensive and you'll know pretty quickly if you have it or not.

@Louw But I can’t really identify the childhood trauma!?

@daveyg And I don’t want to view my parents as enemies even if they were a bit strict

@daveyg If you think it means you have to "view your parents as enemies" you've got the wrong end of a very long stick

@Louw Please explain and be kind in your response

@daveyg @daveyg I already explained it in detail, twice, kindly and gently. You pooh-poohing it and mischaracterising it and now criticising me as unkind, hurtful and unhelpful because I dared say that you have the wrong end of the stick about CPTSD is rude, hurtful, unkind and unhelpful. It's not a good combo to be simultaneously hypersensitive to a very mild suggestion that you might have misunderstood something, and apparently insensitive to how it would make me feel for you to call me unkind, hurtful and unhelpful for offering a suggesting and telling the truth that you are completely mischaracterising my advice as suggesting you "view your parents as enemies". Way to go.

@daveyg @daveyg People who say something that hurts your feelings are not terrible hurtful unhelpful unkind people, and you definitely don't get to characterise me like that, still expect me to explain my suggestion in more detail AND direct me to be extremely sensitive of your apparently incredibly easily bruised feelings at the same time. Why the tantrum after I commented helpful, accurate, medically supported and directive info which you shot down the whole time, just because I said you have the wrong end of the stick. Treat others as you wish to be treated. The neuroticism is a part of codependency/CPTSD. Not the most pretty part.

Yes it's over the top now.

I am NOT a fan of being mischaracterised :( People like this upset me so much, I've known at least 5, they lash out the moment something isn't 100% coddling them and blame other people for them being abusive. I'm unbelievably sick of it!

I honestly should know better at this point than to even try to help, getting involved and trying to put up with the constant criticism has been responsible for practically every shitty life situation I've ever been in

@Louw So both of you are really emotional right now. Conversations often go off the rails when people are speaking with their emotional brain and not their thinking brain. It's difficult for all humans to be reasonable when emotions are strong

Plus you can never tell when they're going to take something super personally, there's no predicting it and it's freaking terrifying :( :( this app shouldn't be the place for that, my anxiety shot through the freaking roof from his response. It feels so much like gaslighting that suddenly I am a problem because of not treading lightly enough, it ends up with people walking on eggshells :( :( I've made huge changes in my life to keep away from people who do this

@NOCD Advocate - Katie But I've done a shit ton of therapy in this area and I know that I'm not wrong. It feels unsafe for me to be around people like that because it IS emotionally unsafe. I'm worried they're going to come back on here and keep gaslighting and criticising, it came out of flipping nowhere

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Ugh I even mentioned in my very first comment on the thread that it's dangerous for people they blow up at :(

@Louw Whether you're right or wrong is less important than how you're going to take care of yourself. What red flags can let you know it's time to step out of a conversation to do some self care?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Idk, probably being really anxious very suddenly (I have PTSD from people who lash out and are critical or abusive with no provocation) but I don't really have ways of dealing with that like I do for OCD. I WANT to uninstall the app so I don't have to be in the same forum as someone like that so I can feel safe, I was nervous when I saw the stuff about how they martyr themselves and can't handle the egoic injury of waiting for someone to respond to a message. I'm pissed at myself for not listening to the alarm bells and trying to point them in the right direction yet again. And being angry at myself is another red flag to leave a situation. But I don't really know how to help myself other than going to sleep so that I'm not awake or deleting the app so I know for sure that I don't have to be around someone who does that. Idk if deleting the app WOULD be self care, as I am actually supposed to remove myself from situations where there are critical/hypersensitive/blamey people. I don't think I should deal with it the same way as dealing with OCD triggers (exposure) but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do which is best for me tbh.

@Louw Maybe you can block yourself from it temporarily while you self regulate

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I could try that, with a 3rd party blocking app because I know in the short time it would be bad for me to carry on talking to that user about it or seeing replies. But for how long, I don't know if I would feel safe about coming back and maybe getting more criticism and mischaracterisations and blame or seeing them do the same thing to other people which can be just as triggering. Is there going to be a user blocking function here at all?

@Louw I don't know. That would be a question for the support chat to answer