Urgent. I need tremendous help. Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry for the depressing post. My mom and I are breaking up... I hurt her so so much and I feel great remorse. Thanks to my ocd. I kept telling her every thought on my mind and drove her too far. I can’t think before I speak. I can’t think before I act. Every random thought (example compare my relationships with her to my sister’s relationship with my mom, every little ouchie in my body, and always tell her she’s too loud. Any advice would be greatly appreciated... currently on my bed crying. I love my mom. She is (or was) my advocate. I really want to change, I do. When I put my mind to it, I can! I am at wits end... I’m nice and sweet to EVERYONE else but I’m snotty 90% of the time to her! I even told her to shut up during her yelling at me. How am I going to survive this quarantine while living in the same house 24/7???

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.

Having ocd is so incredibly exhausting and depressing- my mom and dad argued with me for over an hour talking about how im a pain to be around, go in too many loops, and ruin everything and everyones mood… this conversation started with me saying im stressed out because of school and that i dont want to go because im exhausted- and idk if this is like ocd directly but it takes me like 2 hours to get ready in the morning because i need to look PERFECT and the same everyday literally 😭 and that process feels so exhausting every morning at 6am but i will NOT go to school without going through with it- i will literally be crying and shaking and wanting to go home the minute i get to school if even a single strand of my hair is not perfectly straightened or any blemishes or flaws are showing- and i cant even walk to school or anything bc im scared the humidity will mess with my hair and everything- and it just really affects my life? And yeah its freaking exhausting. And i have two more years of highschool and I dont know if im going to make it 😭i get super stressed over grades too because i need them to be extraordinary otherwise its a fail. Nothing below 95%. And thats also tiring! 😁 and my mom told me today “medication IS NOTTTT AND OPTION!!!” Like oh okay so im just cooked 😭 and therapy isnt really helping me at all- i feel like what im being told is so basic and generic and it doesn’t help me when im in a huge ocd episode- which is often… and what i hate most is like my mom says “don’t come to me with your problems after 6pm…” im sorry i cant schedule my feelings 😭 im so tired

Long vent: First off, please don’t judge and meet this story with kindness. You never know what people are suffering through. My moms the kind of person who won’t say anything if she’s suffering. She usually suffers in silence because she’s afraid people will see her struggles and meet her with judgement like past people have in her life unfortunately. Although I’m not a psychologist nor should I be diagnosing, I do think my mom suffers from OCD. She is overweight, and she’s been struggling a lot with eating. As of late it’s gotten to the point where people in my family are questioning if she’s at the point or no return and it’s been terrifying me. I already feel responsible for this for some reason, like I’m a horrible daughter because I don’t do enough for her even though I do try to. I love her so, so much, she’s my best friend and nothing can happen to her under my watch. I wish I could keep her in a bubble so she lives forever with me, but I know that’s not true. The past two years, she’s had these massive wounds on her legs from an accident on a truck. The wounds have gotten so large and painful, and they haven’t healed after this many years. I had to literally force her to go to urgent care last year because she was too embarrassed to talk about or show anyone these wounds. They gave her advice, said I was right in making her go, and that the wounds aren’t healing most likely because of circulatory issues and the blood from her heart not getting to her legs is stopping the healing process. They showed her how to properly clean the wounds and told her elevate her legs. We did that, but they still haven’t healed but she refused to see a doctor once again due to embarrassment, or she’d put off doctors visits because she couldn’t afford to go or her job would interfere with the timing. Fast forward to today, we had a party for Father’s Day at my aunts house and she’s been keeping the wounds bandaged and using all these sprays and buying adhesives and medicine from Amazon. She has spent so much money on this medical stuff it’s literally done nothing. She can barely walk now, and sitting in a chair at the party today, was like “torture” she said. The dogs at the party were wet, and their tails whipped the back of her legs when they’d wag and I guess she was secretly trying not to cry. I’ve been hearing her whimper quietly from pain for a while and I feel so fucking guilty, like I haven’t done enough for her. I’m trying to help her fix her eating habits, and eat clean with her, but I feel guilty for the times we’d get junk food. She’s a teacher, and she usually goes a full day without eating and it aggravates me so so bad. My first thing when she gets home is asking if we can go out and get food because I just want her to take care of herself and eat something. I know junk is absolutely not the answer here, but when it’s quick and convenient I’d rather my mom eat junk than eat nothing. Yes, I know grocery shopping is the answer and we recently started doing that again. The thing is, she and I hate going in public due to OCD. I feel so bad, because now I’m responsible for this it feels like. She’s been overweight the majority of the time my brother and I have been alive. She confessed to me last year that before the divorce with my dad, she purposely gained weight so that my dad would never touch her again. He cheated on her, and she never wanted him to touch her again, and he was physically and emotionally abusive to her. So, she divorced my dad and took us with her and moved north to be with the rest of my family. I still feel like I contributed to it though, and that I’m a horrible daughter. I never meant to contribute to any of this. I would never fucking to that to this woman I love this much. My brother and aunt said that I enable her and that I’m at fault for a lot of this. My brother I believe also has OCD himself, said I enable this and am responsible for this because I’m not hard enough on my mom. If this is true then I feel fucking horrible. I already regret not doing enough hence why I’m trying to change it now. My aunt says my moms getting to the point of no return. I’m taking her to the emergency room now. I’m trying not to cry and I wish she didn’t feel like she has to keep all these problems to herself. I’m scared to talk to my brother later because he’s going to scold me and yell at me. I don’t know what to do