Hey guys, I’ve been thinking and have come to a conclusion about my current relationship and I want to see what you think of it. With my previous relationship, I used to get excited about having sex. When I was going to see him in the evening, I would think “I get to have sex tonight!”. He was a bit of a dick and I always questioned whether or not I actually liked him or found him attractive. Although occasionally, I initiated sex and we’d have it quite often. Now, with my current relationship, I’m very happy. He’s absolutely amazing and I’m so lucky to have found him. I don’t question his attractiveness and he has never once caused me to have a panic attack or even made me cry, which happened so often with my last boyfriend. However, I’ve found myself not wanting sex as much. Instead, I feel like I crave just cuddling him and spending time with him and whilst I do like the sex, I often want to just go to sleep, but with him next to me. I don’t quite know why my sex drive is so low, as it could be a multitude of things from my mental health and the medication I’m on to the fact that I’m exhausted all the time at the moment, but I feel like I love my current boyfriend and prefer being with him whereas with my previous boyfriend, I was more in it for the sex, especially since he was my first so it was all new and exciting. Does this sound right? I hope that I’m in a much better relationship now, but I feel like even though I love spending time with my boyfriend, my lowered sex drive is causing some problems and obviously this is making me worry about whether or not I’m actually happy and with the right person. Can I have a little advice?

I’ve dealt with this and some people I’ve talked to have often discussed with me the difference of lust for the kids bad boy and love for the boy you call home:) love doesn’t have to be hot all the time it can also feel warm and comforting and secure!

Remember that box you ticked when you posted promising that you wouldn't ask others to tell you what to do? ;) You're looking for a bit of reassurance about your worry that you might be with the wrong person. It's normal to want a bit of reassurance, but we aren't you, we just can't tell you whether you're with the right person or what your lower sex drive means. I'm a little worried also that you have all these reasons which seem very reasonable and make sense about why you're in a good relationship but are using them to fight the thought because your threshold for feeling confident enough about this is higher than other people's. That's the main feature of people who exhibit compulsions: we often don't feel confident in something if there is a chance that it's not right, even to the point of questioning our feelings. You say you're very happy at the start of one paragraph, and by the end you say that you're worrying about whether you're "actually" happy, when you just said you are. You don't have a lot of trust in your own experience it seems like. And the "right person" question is something none of us can ever know for sure, no matter who we are with because there will always be a possibility that we're not- although I would also question the whole premise of there being one "right person" at all. It's better to strive for a good and happy life and relationship rather than for perfection, or a level of confidence nobody can obtain. So this does seem like OCD. Have you successfully treated OCDs with ERP before?