- Username
- FuckOCD
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I guess you’re trying so hard to be a good person that being a bad person is the root of your fears. We don’t want to be a bad person, that’s why OCD latches on to us to scare us and make us double think. If you know that you are a good person then just ignore those intrusive thoughts because they do not determine who you are. Thoughts are just thoughts, not feelings. Good luck.
Thank you. Given all I wrote, Do you think I’m what I fear? Or do you think it’s just ocd
@FuckOCD OCD is basically fear of X. Fear of hurting people, fear of liking the same sex or oppositie sex, fear of liking kids, etc. we’re so scared of becoming it that we start to obsess over it and then we do rituals to calm us down. Then the cycle continues. I think you’re afraid of being a p********* that it’s bothering you so much and giving you false feelings. But I’m no licensed or professional therapist soooooo don’t take my word for it lol. Those are just my opinion.
You are not a bad person! Before you didn’t think they were bad...what’s changed? It’s your OCD talkin. I used to have these thoughts. sometimes they resurface but i can identify them as ocd: it’s just my ocd talkin. i’m 48 now, had them when i was around your age...are you doing ERP? You are not a pedophile. Your OCD is trying to trick you/ fuck with your head. tell it to fuck off. you did well to reach out.
The part that changed was that I realized I was having thoughts about kids (and acting on them.) I used to watch pediatric medical videos growing up because that was the only sexuality I knew. I knew it was wrong because it was like p*rn but “legal.” (I was a kid myself at the time, but high school.) I stopped once I starting thinking omg what if I’m a p********. But now the intrusive thoughts still happen and I hate them but then I feel like I like them (as must of you are saying) and then my head goes back to “these thoughts have always been there, which makes you a real p********, but now you know it and hate it” I really don’t want to hurt anyone and I hate this so much. I have had multiple diff themes of OCD in the past as I have mentioned before. I used to hate my handwriting and think it was horrible even tho it’s beautiful. I’ve feared being straight and that I might’ve “gotten it wrong” when I came out. I fear that I don’t like my idol, Lady Gaga, or that she would hate me—most likely because of this new theme. I’ve never hurt a child and I would never want to. But the fact that I’m really not attracted to a ton of older men scares the hell outta me. (Everyone is like “Brad Pitt is so hot” and I’m like, no he’s not, he’s old ...) don’t get me wrong, I am attracted to people my own age, just not that much older than me.
I’m really eager to hear your response. I swear I’m not a bad person
Sounds like you are judging yourself too harshly (which i can totally relate to) and that you are very concerned about what others think of you as well as letting society’s “norms” dictate how you feel about yourself(which i can also relate to-and have come to the conclusion is totally normal) we have to accept the way we are and embrace it. we are not our ocd.
Do you think it’s just OCD? Or is my fear real?!
you are a good person or else you woudn’t have a conscience and wouldn’t even question yourself. a pedophile doesn’t question themselves and is always justifying their actions.
Thank you. You have given me a lot of relief, I really appreciate it. My therapist says I’m not one either (both my one at home and at school.) It gives me relief and then I start to spiral again because I go and “check facts.”
i have a friend in prison. he isn’t a pedophile but has had encounters with pedophiles throughout the 20 years that he’s been in prison. he told me that the pedophiles tends to justify their behavour, not taking responsibility for it, thinking they were right to do it, and playing the victims because they themselves were molested as children. they tell themselves stories to minimize or make themselves unaccountable for their thoughts/actions.
Isn’t that what I’m trying to do tho? Minimize it??
no. because you are not a pedophile. your ocd is playing tricks on you.
Thank you
@FuckOCD my pleasure. glad i can help in some way. do you do ERP?
@I n I I’m afraid it would just excite me. (I’ve heard this response a lot on this app.) cuz arent I technically doing ERP just by being in public?
@FuckOCD yeah i know me too and i don’t know how to do ERP for the type of ocd i have, and if it really works for every one.
Someone respond, I’m spiraling
And by acting on them, I simply mean by myself. I stopped once I started fearing being a p**. I would NEVER hurt anyone, let alone a child
I’m being super super raw, because I just want this to end. I swear I’m a good person irl.
This has been debilitating since January
Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent
I am not diagnosed with ocd. I began having distressing intrusive thoughts I think last December. It kept getting worse so I was looking for answers and ocd seemed similar to what I was experiencing. I don’t have any physical compulsions just mental ones where I can’t stop using affirmations like “I will never think/do ___” or “I have never thought ___”Then eventually I don’t even know how this happened but I discovered what pocd was, and I started thinking about what if I was a p in the past? I started having thoughts and images related to that and has been extremely distressing. I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid of having nightmares related to what I was worried about during the day. It got a little bit better when I realized I’m reacting the exact opposite to how someone who’s a p would. I am upset by these thoughts, I don’t want them, I have no desire to be anywhere near a child or hurt them in any way and I never have. I literally am avoiding looking at any child in public because I’m so scared. This is all in my head. But then recently I don’t know why it got bad again and I became convinced that I was one in the past. I used to play this game called moviestarplanet when I was a teenager and you could date other players on there and I started thinking what if I dated someone younger than me on there. Even though I know there is no possibility of that I can’t stop being convinced that it happened and that I’m in denial and don’t care. And my mind keeps coming up with new things trying to say that I did them and I know they are wildly untrue but I can’t stop worrying and I feel like I don’t want to live with this worry anymore that it could be true or become true. What do I do?
I dont know anymore, just a minute ago I was sure I wasn't this person but now I feel like I really am this person. The thing that puts the cherry on top is that it doesn't feel like how it use to feel when I was suffering from pocd a few months ago, I remember I had so much anxiety and I would wake up with such a heavy heart and scream and cry because of it but now it feels like I feel nothing. It feels like maybe this is the person I always was while making me think I like these things, I never wanted to be a pedo I never want to hurt babies and children I never wanted to end up like those predators on Quora that will only ever feel loved by a touch of a child.. I want to be a good person and not only by my actions but who I am mentally. I keep ruminating on thoughts like this asking my self over and over if im attracted to them or do I find it hot and sometimes I wouldn't even be sure and it just feels like I am, or I would have a thought and I would feel sensation down there (I don't act on anything by the way) it would feel uncomfortable for the most part but then sometimes I feel like I like it deep down. I remember I read somewhere where this guy randomly started being attracted to minors and how much he enjoyed fantasizing about it, and im scared that I might turn into that guy.. I know I dont fantasize about it and im honesty worried that I will. Then I read somewhere that ocd can cause feelings that aren't true but how do I know that it isn't true, how do I know that this isn't who I am deep down, how do I know if im just in denial or not because just a minute ago I was crying a little but even through my tears it feels like a lie. People tell me that its okay and that im not one but I dont know if I can believe them anymore because there will always be something in my mind telling me that everything people say to me and that the person who I was before this was all just some lie, who even am I.
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