- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It sounds like you're doing a really good job, that's a big exposure to do because it what you read indicates that some people never know or don't know for a very long time. Sometimes it takes being faced with and cornered by that stark reality, for us to decide that we need to refocus on living our lives in the face of a worry like this, as the alternative is to continue to suffer and suffer. I have some advice on ERP which might help with the sticky compulsions that you struggled more to resist: try to bring your focus into your body and the sensations in it, and zoom in on them if you can. It can be very freeing to find that our emotions are physiological and so when we let them be in our bodies without resisting or trying to solve them, they turn out to just be physical sensations. Maybe some tightness or heaviness, some aching. Try to notice where it is in your body and describe the sensations to yourself. Notice that you're doing a great job of feeling them, they aren't harming you or making you do anything, they're just sitting there. A bit uncomfortable, maybe there are some physical feelings there which you associate with panic but even those are only physical, perhaps that one is more sharp and intense. Attentively noticing and breathing through the physical takes us out of the mental responses to and judgements of the physical feelings (solving, fearing, attaching personal meanings), and as you feel them, they can be intense for a while but the longer you do it the more they just ebb away. If you're able to focus on them to completion, you can be left with a wonderful sense of peace, which can take hours but is worth it. Doing this method helped me to develop a sense of strength and confidence in my ability to handle whatever uncomfortable feelings I have, and to separate them from my linked fears and beliefs.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you so much for this response I will take your advice. Doing this exposure and reading watching things about denial and internalised homophobia have been extremely scary but very eye opening. My groinal reactions are reducing bit by bit which is awesome. Able to look at ways I could turn gay, be gay or be secretly gay and not panic as much as I use to. Furthermore I’m not able to access an OCD therapist cause I live in Nigeria. However, constantly finding new was to push the boundaries of my fears and looking for advices and ideas
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@sam_ob That's great that you're approaching the issue in multiple ways to work on the intensity of your resistance to the thoughts/the worry. They're what's called "ego dystonic" because the fear doesn't align with your self-image, so some amount of resistance will always be there, but just like you are doing with internalised homophobia, to really get on top of my OCDs I have had to take a second look at some of my beliefs. For example, I had zoophilia OCD and part of getting rid of it meant I had to address some assumptions and prejudices I had about it, and unpack my feelings of stigma about it to see whether they actually made sense or if I had internalised a societal view of it which was flawed. And with POCD it can be helpful to draw distinctions between thought and actions and come to new personal beliefs about whether the amount of stigma pedophilia (rather than actual child abuse) receives is justified. I'm of the firm belief that there is no sexual preference or orientation which can make one a "bad person". I don't even believe in the idea of a "bad person" anymore. There are harmful actions but even these usually are driven by mental illness, trauma or isolation.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Louw Yes I had take a deep dive into internalised homophobia and it became apparent that it was part of the problem. You see growing up in Nigeria it’s extremely taboo but I have been able to clear that up. Probably wasn’t just meant to be a judgemental person. I allow myself to look at men and recognise they are attractive and comment on their finer features as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes. Even just say them out loud in front of people and recognised it’s not a big deal. I still get a lot of repaulsive reactions whenever I get sexual intrusive thoughts and I follow up with them till the end (making out, having oral sex or sex etc) that use to be a form of reassurance for me but not it feels like an hinderance. However, I just had to learn that some gay traits may be for me others are probably just not for me and that’s fine as well
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That is something I have really really struggled with in the past because it is a truly terrifying thought. Still battling with HOCD but things are gradually improving. It is hard, but we are strong and we can do this. Have you heard of Better Help or Faithful Counselling? This is what I use for therapy because I am unable to access a therapist locally. Have a look online at this platform and see if it might work for you.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah it is so rough sometimes but really you start to see how you’re the biggest problem for feeding into this fear way too much and slowly they start to actually feel funny to me. I have a high sense of humor so I try and use it to my advantage as much as I can. And thank you so much for giving me those suggestions on getting a therapist I have been searching everywhere lol
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@sam_ob No problem at all! I really hope you find a therapist that works for you. Don't settle for secone best. Fight for the amazing future you have ahead of you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I will continue to push fight for a better future without this thanks to your help and this community. Were you able to find a therapist that is a specialist in OCD though?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Not specifically specialist in OCD but my therapist has worked woth a lot of clients previously with OCD and she has been really helpful. Just make sure that when you are matched with a therapist, you ask them some questions to make sure they have a thorough understanding. If they don't, then change therapists.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Uh okay. What questions did you ask your therapist? Sorry for bugging you Im just nervous and just wanna get it right lol
- Date posted
- 5y ago
No worries, I get it! I asked her if she had experience treating OCD. You could ask them what methods they use, like ERP or other techniques. Ask them if they are confident that they can help you recover and ask how long they expect recovery to take. Just kind of get a feel of how good their knowledge is of OCD, how it works and stufd. You could also ask them to lay down some rules/guidelines so that they don't become part of your compulsions, like making sure they understand not to offer you reassurance. You could email Better Help and ask them for a free trial if you don't want to commit right away. Just make sure they know what they are talking about!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Praise Oh alright perfect. You’ve really been helpful and thank you so much❤️. Will get right on it this evening and hope to talk to you even more down line
- Date posted
- 5y ago
No problem at all, I really hope it helps. You have a future ahead of you so don't give up fighting for it!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w ago
Those of you who have overcome at least a bit, if not all, of your OCD. When you went through the CBT and ERP, did it feel like the end of the world? And how did you face the fact that your fears and uncertainties might actually come to life?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 11w ago
What ERP or other techniques do you use to combat fear of cancelation? Especially curious about those with taboo thoughts, false memory ocd and event ocd based off of real events where the fear of cancellation may actually hold some validity. I once did my own ERP not under a therapist but just on my own I decided to create an anonymous account on Twitter and defend a friend who was receiving online criticism. I knew that this would be semi-controversial so I was expecting backlash and when I recieved troll replies it actually seemed to be a really helpful low-stakes exposure activity. Is this something that others have done? Low stakes online posts etc. that you know will recieve negative responses? I have had severe OCD as a kid as pretty much every subtype under the sun, and as an adult I pretty much have all the types under control except for this real event and false memory and taboo thought OCD. It seems like a different beast since it's somewhat realistic in the camcellation culture today, and it's confusing to address. Ive shut down almost all social accounts and it's keeping me from progressing in a career where I need to have an online presence :/
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