Whenever I look at baby photos and stuff, I mostly like looking at the ones of myself and become uninterested in ones of other people. I feel so narcissistic about this and I fear it adds to the evidence that I have NPD. What do I do?

No. Do you think I should?

@garden :) Well if you are struggling with OCD and are having these fears, I believe it could help you plenty. I think that everyone can benefit from therapy, but people that are struggling especially

@Ferchi Thank you, you’re right. It’s just hard because 16 and I’m trying to wait it out till I live alone... I guess? It’s expensive and honestly just such a hastle for my mum, even though I know she cares. I feel like I’m just not bad enough yet.

@garden :) If you wait until it is "bad enough" it will be a lot harder for you to work on it. Also, do you have any type of counseling in school maybe?

@Ferchi School counselling is honestly awful. They just really don’t understand this stuff to be honest.

I just can’t. I feel like I care for nothing beyond myself and it’s terrifying.

@garden :) Are you engaging in normal life activities?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Not really. But beyond that I feel like I don’t really have any hobbies or interests these days. I don’t know. I’m so scared though.

@garden :) I'd start with doing normal life stuff. The more you avoid doing things, the more you teach your brain that the thought of being a narcissist is so scary your world has to stop for it

@NOCD Advocate - Katie The thing is, I don’t want the thoughts to stop being scary. If I’m afraid of being a narcissist, that means I can’t be one. But if I lose that’s fear, that means I’d let all my horrible traits slide and not feel guilty or anxious about them. I know it sounds silly.

@garden :) It doesn't sound silly. It sounds like OCD

I think that the only thing I want is just... to love? I want to feel connected to people and that’s why I have a fear of NPD.

I'll share with you something that my therapist told me about depressed people (I have moderate depression) Depressed people seek to maintain themselves, not to better themselves. This means, that they look for activities that help them maintain their emotional state, and not activities that help them feel better. So for example, a depressed person would rather stay at home and watch Netflix rather than go for a walk or exercise. Which means that we have to do these things, even if we dont feel like it

@Ferchi Yeah that’s really true honestly. I also find myself being quite hedonistic recently as I’ll look for anything that makes me happy. These things tend to be getting drunk or showing off or feeling really pretty and they emphasise my fear of being a narcissist which sucks. I have a lot of insecurities though hence feeling good in myself makes me feel really good... if that makes sense? I want to enjoy books and birds and love and everything but I just can’t right now. I hope I do one day.

@garden :) Start doing it in small períods of time! Just start doing it! If you have a book, set a Goal of reading 10 pages a day or something you think you can do, and if you get caught up in it even better!

@Ferchi Wow thanks, that’s actually made me quite hopeful. I’d like to read a lot over lockdown :))

@garden :) Believe me that once you start, you start feeling better every time. I was feeling quite like you, not really feeling motivated to do much more than watching Netflix and laying around in my room.