TW// SUICIDE im gonna be really honest. i am not doing good. this is the worst ocd theme i have ever had. it feels SO real to me. i look at my self in the mirror and mourn the happy girl i used to be before december of 2019 when my ocd first hit. the fact that i will never be the same scares me and haunts me more than anyone can understand. everyday gets harder and harder no matter how much progress i make. i cant afford therapy right now but i need it so badly. i am genuinely in so much pain. i feel so guilty, and ashamed, and sad all the time. i cant focus on school work or anything anymore. i have had thoughts about suicide because i just want some relief. it hurts so much. i love my boyfriend beyond belief. it makes me so angry that ocd would attach to and manipulate something so pure and beautiful to me.

Do you have a loved one you could reach out to right now? If you’re having any thoughts of suicide please reach out to a loved one or local hotline!! Please be safe and have compassion for yourself. Things are tough right now and even tougher with ocd, but that doesn’t mean this is incurable or going to last forever

I totally understand how you feel. I’ve been suffering from intrusive thoughts for 7 months ago (crazy!) and it always seems to go away for a while and then come back hard. There’s really no cure to make OCD go away completely, we can only learn not to pay attention to those intrusive thoughts and to know that they are just OCD not us. I used to feel a great passion to help people and to spend my life traveling around the world and helping those in need but my Harm OCD took that passion away from me. But I’m fighting to get it back. I don’t know how much you are going through, but I damn well know that if I can get back up then so can you. Let’s do this together, the whole OCD community. You’re not alone in this fight :) Also, if you ever feel like committing suicide please call the suicide hotline number: 1-800-273-8255

Hey Girl I also suffer from ROCD and have also had some dark times too. It’s a pretty horrible disorder but have been reading that it can get much better! The more you work on it (even using this app to do it), the better it can get. I know how heartbreaking it is and feel it too. It will get better

Hi Zoya! I can relate to what you’re going through. OCD is not an easy thing. I have memories of OCD going back to when I was probably five. Right now I’m going through a particularly hard time too. The last time I remember it being this bad was years and years ago. I want to say I was probably fourteen when my last terrible spell began to get better. I like to look back on that. It reminds me that if my awkward, goofy, teenage self could find it in her to take on high school and deal with OCD, then I can do it now- and so can you! It may feel impossible sometimes, but don’t let it blind you from realizing how much strength you have. It can get better. Truly. Have compassion for yourself. I think you’re doing the right thing leaning on friends. And please keep in mind the hotline number that SillyBilly posted. It shows strength to seek help & you are strong. xx Praying for you.

I suffer with HOCD mainly but have bouts of ROCD. This is a ruthless disorder.