- Username
- c444tmommy
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Do you have a loved one you could reach out to right now? If you’re having any thoughts of suicide please reach out to a loved one or local hotline!! Please be safe and have compassion for yourself. Things are tough right now and even tougher with ocd, but that doesn’t mean this is incurable or going to last forever
im talking to my friend and my boyfriend. mostly him because he makes me feel at ease the most. i know it isn’t incurable but i get scared cause a lot of people say it’s chronic
@zoya I had really terrible ROCD but it did pass. I cried constantly, avoided my boyfriend, thought it was doomed. The clouds cleared and it got better. Please do not give in. OCD picked the wrong person to mess with and you’re going to show it up. It takes a lot of strength to even post on here and a lot of strength to admit you need help. Please keep using that strength to fight ocd, even if you think it’s taken all of you. It hasn’t. Have you ever heard the song rainbow by kacie musgraves? This is going to sound dumb as hell but I love listening to that song when I feel lost and hopeless
@Immorethanocd How did you over come ROCD??
@Jessica89 To be honest, it just kind of left one day when I got really anxious about taking a huge exam. Of course, I have a new theme now but I take the rocd fears much less seriously now once I got distance
@Immorethanocd Can I ask what theme it moved to? I’ve had rocd before and it went away. This time it has just stuck
@Jessica89 HOCD
@Immorethanocd Which I’ve had in the past and seems to reappear every few months / years
@Immorethanocd thank u so much. this means a lot
I totally understand how you feel. I’ve been suffering from intrusive thoughts for 7 months ago (crazy!) and it always seems to go away for a while and then come back hard. There’s really no cure to make OCD go away completely, we can only learn not to pay attention to those intrusive thoughts and to know that they are just OCD not us. I used to feel a great passion to help people and to spend my life traveling around the world and helping those in need but my Harm OCD took that passion away from me. But I’m fighting to get it back. I don’t know how much you are going through, but I damn well know that if I can get back up then so can you. Let’s do this together, the whole OCD community. You’re not alone in this fight :) Also, if you ever feel like committing suicide please call the suicide hotline number: 1-800-273-8255
thank u so much. i appreciate this a lot
Hey Girl I also suffer from ROCD and have also had some dark times too. It’s a pretty horrible disorder but have been reading that it can get much better! The more you work on it (even using this app to do it), the better it can get. I know how heartbreaking it is and feel it too. It will get better
thank u so much
Hi Zoya! I can relate to what you’re going through. OCD is not an easy thing. I have memories of OCD going back to when I was probably five. Right now I’m going through a particularly hard time too. The last time I remember it being this bad was years and years ago. I want to say I was probably fourteen when my last terrible spell began to get better. I like to look back on that. It reminds me that if my awkward, goofy, teenage self could find it in her to take on high school and deal with OCD, then I can do it now- and so can you! It may feel impossible sometimes, but don’t let it blind you from realizing how much strength you have. It can get better. Truly. Have compassion for yourself. I think you’re doing the right thing leaning on friends. And please keep in mind the hotline number that SillyBilly posted. It shows strength to seek help & you are strong. xx Praying for you.
thank u so much
I suffer with HOCD mainly but have bouts of ROCD. This is a ruthless disorder.
TW/ I don't know what to do anymore 😔 Struggling with real event/false memory ocd is so hard. Last weekend, I was planning on committing suicide but I couldn't tell my siblings what was wrong cuz I feel like they wouldn't understand. I feel so underserved and unwanted sometimes and it would be better if I leave this earth. I would compare myself to people who done harmful things to other people, but deep down inside I'm none of these people AT ALL. Tbh, I will be surprised if I make out alive by the end of next year. I struggle with self-harm as well and there are times where I really I had to fight the urge to self-harm. This has been so horrible because I failed all my classes this semester and I'm not sure if I'm going to be back to school next semester. I just feel like a failure. I don't even remember being fully happy. At this point I just want to leave and never come back. I know my friends and family would be sad when I committ suicide, but I think they would live a better life when I'm not in it.
Sorry this is long I don’t know where to begin but, at the beginning of the year I went through something that was hard. And I was so mad at God bc I was so hurt and I felt like I was in so much pain and I was so alone. And I remember I had some bad thoughts. I don’t remember these thoughts exactly but lietrally months later I was sitting down all normal and dealing with other forms of OCD that were so painful, but less painful than this. Anyways so then since then I have been stressing that I might have acted of these thoughts. I don’t have a memory but my brain keeps telling me I did that. Anyways I have been having intrusive thoughts since and it hurts so much. It hurts so bad and I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna do this anymore. I keep having these thoughts and it makes me stress so much and want to throw up. It makes me hurt myself. I have bruises all over my body and I’m just so done with this. And sometimes my brain will bring these memories of these intrusive thoughts into my mind or say my trigger thoughts and it makes me hurt so much. And then I start to go over these thoughts bc I feel so bad and I don’t want to have them. Sometimes when I am stressing about theee things they pass by and it makes me panic so bad. I was lietrally just eating and I was punching my hand so hard while thinking about all the thoughts I have had and the things my OCD had made me believe I did, and while I was doing that a thought came to my mind about what my OCD keeps telling me I did and I panicked so hard. I had to eat so fast just so I can lock myself up in my room. I didnt want to have the thought. I think I was just lost in listening to my OCD and then I started talking to myself about what I think I did and when I had the thought I was punching my self so hard that I didn’t even have time to shake it off straight away. I have this conclusion where whenever I have a bad thought I write it down bc my brain tells me that I’m a bad person and I should forget about these thoughts so I grabbed my phone as soon as the panic set in. Sometimes I question whether I had those thoughts intentionally or if i forget them and then I remember the wrong thing and it makes me feel even worse. My brain tells me that if I don’t panic staright away and hurt myself then it means that I mean the thought. I’m in so much pain. I’m really don’t want to think about it but it happens and it feel so real and that it comes from me and that I did something bad. I know this makes no sense but I don’t want to be like this. I go to bed most nights hoping I never wake up. I really don’t mean theee thoughts, sometimes they come when u I’m justify thinking about all the bad things my OCD has made me believe I did and then I panic over remberinf these things. What if im thinking this on purpose? What if the thought I had is so much worse? What if God will never forgive me? I don’t want to live anymore I hate my life and im never going to get out of this. I was just trying to have a normal dinner but my mind never stops. Whether it’s me imaegnitn things or thinking about my thoughts and going over them, I feel so guilty. I can’t even get any help bc I can’t afford it. No one knows I go through this. Ok all alone. Im all alone .
I miss my life before ocd. When I would never wake up in a cycle of overthinking and worry and the moment I open my eyes till the moment I sleep, it’s non stop intrusive and unwanted thoughts. It scares me, I don’t want to live my life like this forever. I cry so much, as I’m sure most of you would relate. My heart just feels heavy, that’s the best description I can give, I feel like I’m just existing not actually LIVING. (Not an existential theme) I feel like I just bring everyone down around me, my mental illness has an affect on those around me and though I can’t help I am mentally ill, it takes a toll on me when I KNOW I’m hurting others when they see me so sad all the time, including my daughter… I’ve been dealing with this for somewhere between 1-2 years, which doesn’t seem like a long time but when your life is this constant never ending doubt every single day sometimes all day long, it feels like forever… I just want to be HAPPY. Is that too much to ask for? To just feel genuine happiness and not have these obsessive ego dystonic thoughts 24/7, or at all… I try and keep my head above water and just keep swimming, I wish I could see an ocd therapist but im sorry even with NOCD, it’s TOO EXPENSIVE. I live in Australia so don’t have access to Medicare through NOCD therapy… what options do I have. I’m at a low point, trying to function every day and distract myself from my head by cleaning, looking after my daughter and dog, doing little activities to occupy my time. But there’s only so much distracting you can do I guess.
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