Does anyone else ever feel strong urges that they are sick of their partner or bored in their relationship? I have an amazing boyfriend but these urges have been really sting for the past two days and I was wondering what anyone has done to overcome things like this?

Relationship OCD

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

YES!!!! i constantly worry that our relationship is “boring”. but there rlly is not way a relationship “should” be, it’s just the way it is. when u spend a lot of time with someone, ur mind gets used to them and so the butterfly feelings eventually go away. it’s totally normal. it’s just ocd trying to trick u and telling u it’s not normal and that no other couple goes through this

hopeful4healing

Date posted: 5y

Thank you! I just had this dumb thought that was sick of my partner but that’s not even true! Crazy how convincing these thoughts are! Thank you for responding!!!

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

@hopeful4healing ur mind can tell u a lot of lies and it rlly sucks :(( but i find comfort in knowing that if i rlly was sick of my partner, i wouldn’t have this intense anxiety about it. it would make me feel bummed, but i wouldn’t be this debilitated over it

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@hopeful4healing Deciding, yet again, that the thoughts and urges are wrong isn't going to fix your OCD.

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

@Louw this is what an ocd therapist told me so i’m just relaying that information.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@zoya @zoya I was replying to the OP's comment where she said "I just had this dumb thought that was sick of my partner but that's not even true", not to anything you said. If you want my input on your comments though... your post saying it's normal to get used to a relationship is quite right, and a good thing to remember. But the OP already knew that so repeating it to her would be reassurance, I'm assuming you believed that she didn't know that though. Saying that she would feel differently if the thought was a reflection of real life is also reassurace, and your therapist was wrong to say it to you (if that's what you're referring to). You have no way of knowing how you would feel if you were really sick of your partner, it might cause plenty of anxiety. The whole point of treating OCD is to accept not knowing for sure and do what you want to do anyway. Not to convince yourself that the thoughts are wrong.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@zoya "Solving" through self reassurance just leaves you wide open to obsessing as soon as a new doubt appears or you hear or read something which contradicts the information you used to reassure yourself. The last time I said something contradicting a user's self reassurance, it made them angry. And I'm not surprised. I'm not here to burst anyone's bubble, but escaping anxiety instead of learning to live with it is a truly unwise choice.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I don't have ROCD so I can tell you what I have done when I have those feelings. I do the same thing in friendships. Firstly I wait to see if it's persistent or if it just passes. If I still feel that way, I try to put into words for myself whatever it is specifically that I don't like or want to change about the relationship. If they're possible for me to change on my own, I do so. If I need the other person to collaborate with me to, I ask them to. If they say no, I decide whether I can live with that. If it's not things I can change then I decide whether I can live with them or if they're hard lines for what I need in the relationship. At the end of all that, I don't have those feelings anymore because either the problem is being resolved or I've left the relationship. It certainly wouldn't follow me and cause me pain. It's possible to not want to stay in a relationship even if the other person is 'amazing', for all sorts of reasons. Like communication issues, lack of common interests, different preference levels for socialising, different wants for the future etc. You shouldn't feel obligated to stay in a relationship because someone is nice. If you have ROCD then anxiety is probably a frequent trigger for you to ruminate about your relationship. For people without it, these feelings could indicate it's worth exploring them to look for the cause and correct it. I think in your case your anxious feelings already make you look for reasons and they probably aren't actually coming from a relationship issue, they just trigger you to obsess about your relationship. If you've already decided that you're happy in your relationships and there arent actual relationship issues which need to be addressed, then the urges are probably OCD: anxiety which you immediately attach to your relationship because that's your obsession. It's best to treat that with ERP by not responding to the thoughts with compulsions like arguing with them, agreeing with them, debating them or looking for reassurance or testing your relationship. That's the only way I really know for OCD- it's basically a process of getting used to the thoughts so they stop bothering you emotionally and living the life you want despite having anxious thoughts that there might be a problem.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

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