I just listened to songs i loved before hocd and it just hit so hard like i jusr bald my eyes out because its soo sad to think i cant acces all the feelings and the hapyness those songs gave me. The way i felt when i listened to certain songs is just insane like i felt amazing, happy so passionate so in love like i was high in life. And when i listen it back i feel pain and so deep sadness that it went sooo downhill with me. I cant even feell the tiniest fraction of how i used to feel. And tho think people live their lifes everyday feeling like how i used to feel. Why did it had to stop with me why did it had to interrupt my life. You have no idea how happy id be if i still felt that same way. The songs i loced so much bevause i imagined my crush in my day dreams and it gives so many good vibes but rigjt now i cant even feel vibes im just so numb and sad and I experience everything sooo extremely different these days i hate it. I hate the way i portray myself and how i carry myself nowadays bevause its just not me. Hocd killed me

Have you noticed progress!

@hocdgirlsummer ?* lol

@hocdgirlsummer I’ve been dealing with pure ocd for a year now. I sought treatment after about three months of the onset and the worst depression I think I will ever go through. I felt immediately better. I’ve noticed that my intrusive thoughts come and go. Unfortunately I’m going through a relapse right now and this quarantine is definitely not helping. But I’ll get through this rough patch and I know you will too :)

@livv.m Ahh i understand, sorry to hear ur relapsing :( how long does a period of intrusive thoughts last for u? For me theyre kinda gone but they damanged me so mucj im afraid i will never be myself because even tho the worst thiughts are gone the big damage has been done like i dont feel passion and ik always numb and the biggest loss is my attravtion towards men thats just gone, its not pure anymore

@hocdgirlsummer I feel that with the lost attraction, I always find myself feeling confused (OCD!) even when I know I feel attracted to someone. Have you talked to an OCD therapist about how you’re feeling currently, maybe that may help ?

@livv.m Litteraly my biggest dream lol but i cant go anywhere due to this covid thing and im almost 18 now, in our country you get free therapy when needed till ur 18, another problem is that the waitinglist is extremely long it can take up to 2 years waiting, but it defenitly is something im looking into and its goal for me to talk to soemone about it other then soemone online i hope it helps:€

@hocdgirlsummer :)* wow my keyboard rlly not with me today

Yesss i lost everything i dont know what i am anymore even tho it all used to be so clear. This has been like this for 2 years now, how long did it last for you? Everyday i just wait for feelings to return, for passion to reaturn for my creativity to return and for my attraction to return, your message gives me a lot of hope tho :) im sorry to hear ur having trouble loving ur husband, it sounds so hard i hope it returns soon, at least its not as bad as before. Wish u the best!

Yesss its nostalgia and it breaks me inside litteraly because it shouldnt be nostalgia, it should be me right now because i lost my attravtion i deadass feel like im tired of life i dont wanna live it im done i dont wanna feel the pain of never havinf had a boyfriend and never havinf had that pure feeling of love, what if i never fall in love and wont have a husband... i dont know ive been so stuck with all the what if’s for 2 years now. There hasnt been a single moment ever sinxe hocd where i can genuinely say ive been happy

@hocdgirlsummer Oh boy me too but I'm feeling happier as I'm recovering little by little. I know you will too. I just get sad that my libido and sexual attraction has dropped to its lowest point and it seems like it will never ever come back. Like i want a bf, a husband and family. But hocd makes it seem like those were never a thing

@chamomile Yess exactly and its so sad because i remeber before all this i was so ready to live life and i couldnt wait to party, meet boys have boyfriends and i cant and probably will never accept that that might not happen because the way my daydreams and fantasies made me feel is insane like 1 daydream from before hocd made me feel more then i have ever felt in these 2 years with hocd. I cant imagine how life without this must be like. Like heaven? And also thinking bout all of the shit i still have to go trough, like moving out and driving lessons all those things i couldnt wait for i now have to go trougj feeling like this helpless wreck of depression lol

@hocdgirlsummer Yep but don't worry girl. I hope and I for sure know that good days will come for all of us. I hope we can get recovered from hocd

Thanks for the comment love, how long did u suffer from it if i may ask? and did u become urself agaim eventually. Thank you for giving me courage:)

@hocdgirlsummer ofc! it took me two months. i first got the thought in december of 2019 and by february 2020 it was gone. it doesn’t bother me in the slightest anymore. in fact i make fun of my self for even being afraid of something like that

@zoya I wish it lasted 2 months, i took it way to serious. I now have lost myself for 2 years and its nestled in me