My biggest fear is losing my emotions and thinking “what if I was a serial killer” and honestly that’s the worst thing you could think right? But then I compare and have other thoughts like NO ONE THINKS THIS WAY BUT ME. Then I sometimes laugh at how silly it sounds. But when it takes over it feels real. Let the anxiety pass. Don’t think other themes make people feel different. We all experience the same pain. It’s debilitating. And I thought I should share one of my dark thoughts with you guys.

Is that why the thoughts feel so real? I feel like I WILL hurt someone and I really really don’t want to.

@199903 OCD can make you feel all sorts of things. Many of us suffer from the same sorts of thoughts. The sense of it feeling real doesn’t make it true.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett That makes sense, but if everything feels real how do I actually know what is and isn’t and what’s actually likely to happen?

@199903 You don’t. I mean, realistically, no one is ever able to know what’s going to happen. This current situation with the coronavirus is very effective for illustrating that point. Six months ago, no one would have anticipated the world grinding to a halt because of a global pandemic. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily 50/50 that you’re going to hurt someone. Can anyone tell you you’re not going to get in a car accident? Can anyone tell you that they know your house won’t burn down? They can’t. And it’s possible those things could happen, but you don’t organize your life around the possibility of them happening.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett That makes sense. I feel like I can accept uncertainty about just about everything accept this. I feel like it’s too dangerous to leave things as an unknown when other people could be hurt in the process. I know logically I’ll never know for sure but at this point I’m too scared to even try leave it uncertain. Any advice for this?

@199903 Yep. The option is therapy. You won’t be able to progress until you start down that path, and it will at times be grueling and challenging. I know it might difficult in terms of access, but just seek out a specialist if at all possible.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Unfortunately I don’t have access to a specialist but I’m on a waiting list for a clinical psychologist. I hope that it’ll work out ok. It is very reassuring to hear your success though