i’m so scared that their is someone straight person right now going through HOCD and they have no idea whats happening. it just reminds me of where i was before i found it what i was going through. i wanted to kill myself: i couldn’t hang out with my friends nor could i look them in the eye i felt bad when i didn’t find every single guy attractive - even if they were butt ugly i got false attractions to one of my old ass teachers who wasn’t even pretty i missed school for two weeks cus i couldn’t bear to look at people i unfollowed so many girls on instagram so my explore page was filled with boys which i didn’t like cus i’m not that boy crazy- my HOCD told me that it’s cus i don’t actually like boys i couldn’t watch the porn that i wanted cus my mind would constantly ruminate i couldn’t get a job cus i was scared they’d be girls at that job and i’d end up liking her i couldn’t hug my best friend cus i kept getting intrusive thoughts about being romantic with her i made myself feel bad for not liking every boy i came in contact with LIKE WTF i’ve been through hell with this and it’s so bad cus i’ve always been really comfortable in my sexuality (i’m straight) i could flirt with my girl friends as banter, people would call me gay and i wouldn’t die lol sometimes id be laying in my bed and i’d get this overwhelming urge to just go have sex with a girl and i really REALLY DONT WANT TO NOOOOOO but my minds like “all the gays on twitter say lesbian sex is amazing so you’d love it blah blah blah the HOCD targets the fact that i’m a virgin and i’ve never had a boyfriend and the fact that i have a very strict type but that’s just because i think i deserve the best of the best i’m not gonna settle for some dumb boy who has no decency or doesn’t believe people deserve basic human rights it takes the fact that i have always looked at girls boobs but that’s only cus i’m size 32A and i have been since i was like 11 AND IM TURNING 17 NEXT SUNDAY - so sad ? also...SO MANY GIRLS ARE BISEXUAL and i’m here... a girl and i’m straight and i’m freaking out about whether i’m gonna turn bi but i really don’t like girls like that the hocd even tell me that i’m gay because i don’t find my brother attractive. MY BROTHER. MY FUCKING BROTHER. WHAT THE FUCK?? anyways..... i feel bad for all the teens going through this and i really wanna spread awareness on the ocd categories that people don’t take seriously especially HOCD. if you have any ideas please tell me, i wanna help every teen going through this rn if you have any ideas please comment cus i thought i was having and sexual identity crisis but sis wasn’t. if i knew about ocd more then it wouldn’t have manifested into what it is now also am i the only one who absolutely loves Chrisse Hodges? she makes me feel so happy and normal

Sexual Orientation OCD

Kea

Date posted: 5y

I go through the same exact thing!! Only difference is I’m not a virgin and I have such a loving boyfriend, which makes me feel even worse about what I think and feel sometimes

mentowillness

Date posted: 5y

yh. i have a question. on twitter people say striaght girls won’t have good sex unless they’re with a girl cus straight sex doesn’t feel good. is that true? does it not feel like anything cus my HOCD tells me i’m never gonna enjoy sex with a guy

Kea

Date posted: 5y

@ocdear (Sorry if I’m explicit) Straight sex does definitely feel good! Think of it this way, the man can do everything a woman can do to you in bed & more because they actually have the genital that can actually penetrate you lol (yes lesbians can get creative and use toys but it’s not the real thing)! BUT most girls can’t orgasm from just vaginal penetration, it feels good yeah but to actually orgasm most women need to have some sort of clitoris stimulation!

bruta

Date posted: 5y

Exactly same .. I have HOCD and I'm on medication from past one year and like never ending experience.. it's little better too .. I don't know

Kea

Date posted: 5y

@ocdear And if you find twitter triggers a lot of your anxiety (it does to mine also because there’s so many people with different opinions) I suggest maybe you spend a little less time on it, it might help:)

mentowillness

Date posted: 5y

@Kea what does it feel like to be penetrated. sorry if that’s explicit but i really wanna know :)

Kea

Date posted: 5y

@ocdear Lol it’s okay! It’s hard to explain but I mean it kinda feels like there’s something in there causing a good pressure/suction feeling that can make you shiver but inside sort of? It’s really hard to explain

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Yeah Chrissie is how I realised I have OCD, I didn't believe any of the professionals suggesting it lol. I went through a lot of pain of several OCD themes that I didn't know were OCD, one of them (real event/false memory/moral) was definitely worse than HOCD, I almost did kill myself. Like you, it wouldn't have gotten so bad if I knew it was OCD. There needs to be much more awareness that it isn't all contamination and germ or health anxiety. But I don't really have any ideas on how to spread awareness other than using media like YouTube or videos on Facebook.

Soph

Date posted: 5y

I just discovered Chrissie and she’s such a balm! my situ is literally so similar to yours

OCDsucks

Date posted: 5y

I’d recommend reaching out to Chrissie for some peer support sessions. It was nice talking to someone who has been through it

mentowillness

Date posted: 5y

do i have to pay

OCDsucks

Date posted: 5y

Yes. It’s $100 for a 50 minute session

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