I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to do anymore. I need professional help and no where I find that handles OCD takes insurance. I called an ocd place in my state and they don’t take insurance, they recommended NOCD to me. Which I replied oh I’ve already been using NOCD. I am so tired of my POCD. I ended up doing some “things” today but then all these disgusting vile intrusive thoughts flooded into my brain and it was visual as all hell because my brain is too visual. It’s literally a curse at this point. Thoughts included friends and family and even I’m sure you can guess it I say POCD thoughts were included in the friends and family section. Which makes me feel like I’m a vile evil person who’s lying to everyone they know. I ended up scratching my face a bunch when the thoughts came because I was SO disgusted. And all day I’ve felt sick and just have been excessively blinking over and over, squeezing my eyes shut. I have been GAGGING in DISGUST every time a thought popped into my head today. What is WRONG with me? I don’t know anymore. My OCD is just taking such a toll on me and I’ve been terrible with taking my meds. I need professional help from someone who knows what the hell ocd is. And no one in my state takes insurance. I don’t have that kind of money. Idk. I am so Tired. All I’ve Been able to do all day is play animal crossing and sleep.

I mean being a pedo wouldn’t be good in any form idk

I would rather have ocd than be a pedo I think

@Mars A pedo doesn’t mean you would prey on kids..just that your attracted to them...it’s really not the end of world...also dwelling on it and feeling bad about it will not prevent you from being one.

@jett It is the end of the world though. Pedos are horrible. Attraction to children are disgusting.

@jett Oh Jett, you're a man after my own heart. This is one of my favourite grey areas for POCD and has actually prevented instrusive thoughts I've had about it from turning into OCD. "Pedophile" is associated with so much stigma that needs to be unpacked. But there are whole communities of pedophiles who don't commit crimes and support eachother and frankly I have more respect for the bravery and strength of pedophiles who don't act on it than I do for the douchebags who spend all their time ranting about how awful pedophiles are and not making any distinction between the attraction and abusing children. We all need to stop taking the opinions of the masses of twitter as some sort of moral truth, about everything frankly. It's better to not care about the opinion of your average dumbass.

@Mars Kind of rude to say "pedos are horrible". Do you think they choose to be attracted to kids or want it? What about them as human beings makes them automatically horrible?

@Mars Pedophiles aren’t horrible...preying on kids and victimizing them is horrible...people can’t control what they are attracted to...most pedophiles don’t touch a kid and simply live a normal life.

@Louw It isn’t rude. There’s nothing good about being attracted to kids. Wtf why do I have to argue about this. How is it even an argument. Being attracted to kids isn’t some sexuality and I have genuine fears of BEING one bc of how disgusting it is. It makes me sick to think of it.

@Louw Don’t appreciate being treated like I’m some “dumbass” it isn’t even a TWITTER thing.

@Mars It's very rude. Nobody said there was something good about it. Being attracted to kids quite literally is a sexuality. Every study ever done on the topic has demonstrated that it is a sexuality. It is not chosen. You haven't made any points that give your idea that pedophiles are awful any legitimacy yet.

@Louw There isn’t any argument. Being attracted to kids is vile. That’s the only point that needs to be said. Jesus Christ love the support on this app for people with ocd. Apparently I’m a dumbass to you.

@Mars Heads up, if fewer people had the attitude that you have, there would be much more support available for people to have to live with this to be able to cope with the stigma and not offend. It would quite literally prevent a ton of abuse.

@Mars So your whole thing boils down to thought crime: for some people, being born the way there are is vile, doesn't matter if they do wonderful things, are a great person, even support other people with the same issue, they're vile and horrible through no fault of their own. Nice compassion, good to know.

@Louw Do you even understand why I have the attitude I have? Do you know why pocd exists?

@Mars As I said, would rather let someone who is an out of the closet pedophile with a commitment to not committing crimes and supporting others (which is the vast majority of pedophiles btw) look after my kid than somebody who thinks in terms of thought crime, 'types' of people and lacks compassion so much that they think that you can be born bad. I know which person is wise. Unfortunately, the latter type of person tends to prefer to stay oblivious to their own potential for causing harm, they keep their Jungian shadow firmly in the dark and by not being aware of their capacity for mistakes, cruelty or selfishness, those things dominate their lives more often. There is no such thing as a person who is fundamentally bad. Natural things like sexual attractions are not vile. Abusing children is, because it causes them harm. If you believe the world is full of good people and bad people rather than accepting that we are all flawed and all have good and bad potential, then no wonder the POCD is so bad for you. You have to assure yourself that you're a "good person" not a "bad person", instead of getting used to the idea that you're just a person and you have to be aware of where you might do bad in order to simply choose good. This thought crime shit is just so ignorant.

@Mars POCD exists because you feel the need to severely resist any suggestion that you could be something which you judge and fear. Part of working on OCD is finding grey areas and developing flexibility. Our minds aren't going to change by us thinking in the same ways. Breakthroughs in OCD tend to happen when we have realisations about how ridiculous our black and white thinking is.

I don’t think I can ever change my view on those things, and I apologize for that. There’s reasons why I feel the way I do. I do thank you though for not calling me a dumbass or uncompassionate etc. I ain’t in the mood to be insulted while I’m breaking down over my ocd fears.

@Louw I can be compassionate when I need to be. I could say it’s ignorant that you don’t recognize why I think the way I do. But I didn’t.

@Mars That I don't recognise why you think the way you do? I'm not a mind reader, I don't know your whole life story, and other than that I've already described my position on why you think the way you do: that it's linked to OCD fear. Kinda silly to assume that I don't know that, given the fact that I'm actively challenging it.

@Mars I know why you think the way you do...most people aren’t informed on the subject...they see pedophiles on tv and automatically hate them...the truth is they are regular people who have an unlucky feeling of attraction...they are just as repulsed by the idea of hurting a kid as you are.

@Louw It doesn’t feel like you’re challenging it. It feels like you’re berating me for being uncomfortable with people who are attracted sexually to children.

@Mars I'm challenging your claims that they're horrible, vile people through no fault of their own. The stuff you have said and claims you have made are not only nonsensical and damaging to you, they're offensive and damaging to those people and to society.

***self-evidently