- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
What you’re afraid of and what people obsessing over being gay are afraid of is the same thing: that you’ll “have to be” someone that you’re not. What they’re uncomfortable with is not gay people. In fact, most people who suffer from HOCD are NOT homophobic and in fact one of the most painful parts of dealing with the theme is thinking you somehow are homophobic and therefore a bad person. Unfortunately we’re all going to trigger each other sometimes. But that’s the thing about living with OCD: recovery is about facing those triggers head on without compulsions. When someone says something triggering, note it to yourself: “okay that just triggered me and now I want to start ruminating about whether being gay is bad or not. I’m going to accept uncertainty here instead: maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I don’t know and I don’t need to know.” Then continue going about your day as you were without using compulsions to reassure yourself. Let whatever anxiety arises just be there and leave when it’s ready.
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- 5y
That’s true. It just feels so overwhelming lol
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- 5y
just try to remember that these people don’t view being gay as wrong/gross, but just not in line with their identity. being gay is perfectly fine as is being straight, bi, pan, etc. I’m so sorry these posts have made you feel like who you are is wrong or gross in any way because it isn’t!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you, and you’re right. When you feel so defensive, it’s hard to remember that the core fear of SOOCD is the same regardless of the direction. Like pureolife said, it’s probably inevitable for people to trigger eachother just because of the nature of this app? I really appreciate your words though.
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- 5y
It’s only a double-edged sword when you don’t have coping mechanisms and haven’t gone through therapy yet, honestly. I’m only “triggered” when I’m at a stress level between 8-10. But even then, it’s not as bad as others have it.
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- 5y
I mean. Different things are triggering to different people. I haven’t done ocd specific therapy yet but I’ve had a steady therapist for years. I’m trying to get in contact with a dbt specialist and I’m trying to start working on erp on my own. Sometimes even if you’ve tried to create coping mechanisms certain issues are stubborn. The truth for me is that there are positive and negative aspects to spending time on this app. I want to be able to get as much good out of this as possible.
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- 5y
@blackraspberry You’re being triggered so easily because you honestly haven’t done ERP as of yet. I had a therapist for years but that didn’t make a difference because it was talk therapy. Only when I was diagnosed and then did what was needed to do via exposure therapy with a therapist and on my own did I get to this point. I still have POCD and ROCD and it comes up every once in a while (sometimes weekly), but I know what to do in those situations and I’ve gotten my issues down to a certain point where it’s manageable. The goal is to MANAGE your OCD, and that means doing hard work— including letting your thoughts and feelings on this app be as they are and not obsess over “what if...” situations, or do compulsions.
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- 5y
@Nica I know! That’s why I’m eager to start. I just feel like I need the help of an ocd oriented therapist to get started because dipping my toes into ERP on my own has been really overwhelming.
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- 5y
@blackraspberry ERP is really hard to do on your own the first time without some help from a specialist. Once you go through the process with them once for a theme, it’s much easier to use what you learn on your own for future themes. And it is quite overwhelming when you do it alone! Are you seeing a specialist soon?
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife Also, here’s an article about self directed erp if you for some reason can’t see a specialist right now: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-self-directed-erp/
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- 5y
@pureolife My main therapist has helped me find a therapist that specializes in what I need and I plan on getting in touch with her tomorrow! She does telehealth video chats so hopefully I can start working with her really soon
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- 5y
@blackraspberry Awesome! Good luck ???
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- 5y
Yeah, I’m a lesbian too. I find it easier to empathize with straight people going through HOCD, but have thoughts & OCD telling me that being a dyke & being trans is gross and unnatural - they discourage me from doing anything having to do with my identity, including important stuff like maintaining my govt benefits, changing my govt ID documents, and going to lesbian social functions, and they even interrupt me during sex to try to shame me, make sex physically uncomfortable and stop me from enjoying myself. I *do* feel bitter that resources are directed mostly towards straight people’s needs and not towards the needs of people like us. It’s wrong.
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- 5y
Yeah its debilitating.. on top of the self loathing I feel intense guilt that I’m so disgusted by myself (because it could hurt others in the community) so I isolate myself completely. I wish that there were more resources specifically targeted towards gays with SOOCD so that I could get through like. A single article without that article itself being a trigger LOL
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- 5y
@blackraspberry There is at least a single article - I posted it below.
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- 5y
Oh thank you! I’ll take a look at it
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- 5y
And thank you for the resource!
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- 5y
One of the mods/“advocates” here, Katie, responded to a post of mine expressing anger & frustration about the same problem by doing some digging online, and found this article: https://medium.com/s/story/my-ocd-tries-to-convince-me-im-not-queer-36ec3c1c89c9
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- 5y
The page includes an audio recording of the article - if it’s triggering, you could listen to it as an exposure, in order to dredge up your anxiety and train yourself not to respond to it.
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- 5y
@Vieira da $$$ilva???? I just read it and it definitely was a trigger lol. Gonna just let this pass and not dig deeper.. thank you again!
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- 5y
@blackraspberry Oof I feel that. Yeah letting it pass is the key. Just not responding or “so what if it’s true? so what?” or even vigorously agreeing with your anxiety to let the wind out of its sails. Just let it pass.
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- 5y
@Vieira da $$$ilva???? Yes those are some good responses to practice! For your own struggles with this, did you find that working with a therapist on this was helpful? I’ve brought it up to mine and he had the same sort of approach as the one that’s suggested for ERP like. So what if you are? Maybe you are? So what? But like it feels so monumentally shitty when another person says that to me that idk .
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- 5y
@blackraspberry Well, I think it IS different in most situations when someone else says it to you, because it would typically be dismissing your OCD and/or your lesbianism and resistance to the heterosexual order as unimportant. Whereas when we use it against our OCD, it takes the energy *away* from the OCD, making it harder for the OCD to dominate our minds and *interfere* with being huge dykes & living our best lives. C:
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- 5y
@Vieira da $$$ilva???? Yeah good point. Ugh all of this stuff is so complicated!! I hate it lol
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- 5y
@blackraspberry The words are a tool, and being put to two very different uses when someone uses them to get in our way vs when we use them to stop the OCD to stop us from getting in our way.
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- 5y
@blackraspberry Yeah ugh I hate having to do all the complicated dancing with mental disorders all the time ?
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- 5y
@blackraspberry [wakes up] okay now in order to successfully get out of bed I have to enter the special kick combo just right okay let’s see circle-square-square-triangle-circle-circle wait no that was supposed to be a triangle [falls out of bed to the floor] damn it okay what now
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- 5y
@Vieira da $$$ilva???? I KNOW LOL ?? it’s so frustrating I feel like I’m constantly playing chess against myself except the other me keeps cheating and changing the rules so I can never get the upper hand
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- 5y
@Vieira da $$$ilva???? For example : I have complex rules that I Must Live By and one of them is that I need to create todo lists. However, there are specific criteria that they Must Follow so I don’t forget anything and ruin my life so I need to make them Perfect . But I can never decide what a “perfect” to-do list includes ?? #notfun
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- 5y
@blackraspberry That sounds possibly like what the usual diagnostics call “just-right OCD” - I believe there’s a topic for it here on NOCD. & it sounds painful. :(
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Ok so I just downloaded this app like two days ago because I was looking for a OCD specialist. Maybe this is just my opinion but the posting’s on this app can be super triggering. If feels like even sharing your experience on an app like this can contribute to fueling OCD. So many people I see reassurance seeking, confessing and posting the same things multiple times to gain certainty. Makes me wonder if this app is counterproductive to the point of OCD treatment. I’m guilty of spending hours scrolling through the post trying to find people who relate to me, but in the end it makes me more anxious and fuels my OCD. Idk what do you guys think.
- Date posted
- 22w
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
- Date posted
- 21w
Hey everyone. I wanted to share my story and some of the things I have/am experiencing in my journey with OCD- particularly with Sexual Orientation OCD. My goal is not to use this as a means for reassurance for myself or for any other, rather as to be a reminder for myself and you all that you are NOT alone. No matter what you are experiencing you aren’t alone, and we have all gone through the same thoughts and feelings as you, in whatever form they may have been. For personal reasons I will not share my name, but I do want to share about me and my journey with what has truly been one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I am a 24 year old female and for as long as I’ve remembered I’ve always been a “worrier”. My dad used to tell me that worrying will be the fastest way I’d die lol. Oh! How I wish I could go back to those days of just simply worry. For the past few years I have struggled with what I now know is intrusive thoughts. But, luckily for me they were a little calmer than what I’ve experienced now. They were the occasional worrying that my boyfriend died but I would get over it rather quickly. Well, in may of 2024, I had just graduated college, was about to get married and about to move out. So, that triggered some switch in my brain and thus began this horrible disease of OCD. My main type has been SO-OCD but I have found some moments that I’ve also struggled with ROCD as well as some existential crisis OCD. I have unfortunately not been able to go to therapy because of money but I am on meds and have been using tips and tricks I’ve found online. My goal is to still go to therapy when I can find the right time. And I, like many of you have months of great “freedom” from the disease; and then, like I find myself now, fall back into its trap. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve experienced with this to see if y’all have experienced the same things and to let you know you are not alone. For reference, I am straight (I am happily married to my wonderful husband). 1. Thoughts from the past: I slightly remember having a thought that I’d be gay when I was around 12-13… that was around the time I actually first figured out what that meant. Even then, I (more easily than now) brushed it off. Continued to have about a million crushes on boys and never thought of it again. But now, with my OCD, I feel “convinced” that that was a sign that I was gay. 2. I have always been a girls girl. Me and my friend have a joke that we are worse than men! Meaning that when we see a pretty girl with a nice body, we stare. We say they are pretty. Never have I ever thought anything of it. It was always from a place of envy and admiration. Never a place of lust or anything along those lines. But NOW. OH! If I even look that direction I feel guilty, I feel like that’s confirmation that I am gay. And even worse- that is one of my compulsions. To look and make myself “prove” I’m not gay. 3. I have lost “feeling” for my partner. I love my husband. More than anything else. I could not live without him. But since this all happened, my emotions and fears have been all over the place that I’ve somewhat lost that feeling. It doesn’t help that I’m on medicine that can have that effect. I have to just remind myself that love isn’t always feelings, it’s a choice. And I choose him every single day. 4. sex life issues: bc/ of the OCD fear as well as my medication, I don’t have much sex drive or pleasure in the bedroom as I did before OCD… and, my OCD likes to convince me that that is because I would be better off with a woman (even tho I don’t want that) and then, OH THEN, I proceed to experience some groinal sensation from that though. So- cue even more “proof” that I am gay. well- that’s all I can think of now. Let me know if any one yall struggle with those. And I hope you know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR OCD 💚
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