I feel like i havent really been uncertain in a long time the only problem left with me is just not being able to love, to feel attraction, to have a passion for something because all of this is sort of related to my attraction?? Like i imagined my dreams and it all was nice because i wasnt having anxiety because of hocd and somehow i related a lot of things to love and men. So not being able to be attracted to men is like... lifebreaking it broke me and now i dont even think aboit the gay shit its just me being depressed and numb because my life just fought a big wat and now its like im just here with nothing left of myself tryna be happy and motivated but feeling attracrion will mae my life again.alsooo im finnalt able to go to therapy yaaay, but not yay bc ive been waiting for that moment for soo long buttt because im not rlly experience the wild doubting it feels like if imma talk about it with my therapist im scared it will feel like opening a wound like im gonna restart the doubting because im gonna be talking about it a lot, i do need fhe therapist because my life has just been so fucked up ever since hocd but im scared that its gonna attack if im gonna go trough alll my old stuff bevause im gonna have to catch the therapist up i cant just be like yo, fix me without explaing the story

Yeaah sis for suree it has effected every aspect in my life, like me my friends we were always so close always getting ready together sleeping over n shit but since this im afraid to get close to girls, i get akward around my best friends like thats crazy my best friend i know 6 year and my relation w her never been this weak because i dont feel like myself im not myself and it effects my character, im not as funny anymore lol im not as talketive and idk i feel like she can feel when j feel akward if that makes sense but i havent told her bout it i just told her im depressed but she is too so... she doesnt know bout the whole hocd part kt would explain a lot, its acc so sad bc we alwasy had so much fun but now its just alward and i keep getting nervous around her ands it hella annoying and when u said like they think where this girl been, exactly cuz i just be in my thoughts all the time i aint feeling myself no more i even feel like my appearance changed cuz of all the stress and shit, i lost my whole vibe u kno

Nah fr school was a big distraction for all this but now its jus me and my thoughjt but i still work tho cuz i worl at a grocery store and btw theres this boy hes cute but like u know when u jusst cant get access to like the feelinfs for a boy cuz i try so harddd to feel the real feelings like i used to but they dont come and it makes me scared ill never be able to fall in love again and im 17 now and i dont wanna miss out on shit like all my other friends out here dating and i cant even develop any feelings for a boy bruuuh