I need advice. Warning: this will be long. This isn't totally OCD related and I hope that's ok, but I got in a pretty heavy discussion / argument with my boyfriend of 4 years last night. For some backstory, when we met, we just knew we were meant to be together. Probably talked marriage 3 months in, moved in together 10 months in, talked about getting married in a year from then, and then I developed some health issues. I was eventually diagnosed with a chronic illness after many months of pain, tests, fear. This is right around when my anxiety got bad. I think I had health OCD at the time but didn't know it. All I could think about was the fact that I was going to die and never live out this beautiful life I had imagined with my partner. I did eventually get my health under control, but ever since my OCD has really taken hold. I developed ROCD, HOCD, and came to realization that I've had OCD since I was a young child. I feel like the lights are now on and I can finally see how messy the room is but I actually have the chance to clean it now. So, fast forward to today. I'm working on my mental health and health. I've left jobs, taken pay cuts, and now work from home for less than I should be making. Last night, I became overwhelmed with the desire to want to be a mom and a wife and opened up to my boyfriend about my frustrations that we haven't moved our relationship forward (engagement). We had a big misunderstanding, and I already knew his stance, which is that it's been a very hard few years and he doesn't want to get engaged until we are financially stable with debt paid off etc. etc. While I understand this, hence why I haven't brought it up in 2 years save some jabs and jokes, I am feeling incredibly lost and sad today. The conversation basically ended with him feeling like he "needs" to propose soon and abandon his financial plan and me feeling heartbroken that he feels pressure to make it official after living together for 3 years. For context, I'm almost 30 and he's 34. We want three kids. Time is dwindling. I've had health issues. My biggest dream is to be a mother and I feel like he doesn't understand that my health issues put me at risk to not conceive easily. I don't need a big fancy ring or wedding. Our parents will contribute anyway. But I know he feels like he needs to have his ducks lined up and, to him, to propose means he needs to already have money for a wedding, raising children, and beyond. I genuinely understand both sides but I'm so sad today because I don't think this should be a financial decision and I don't want to pressure him, even though I just did. Does anyone have any advice for me in general or for feeling kind of stalled in your otherwise happy relationship? Am I being unreasonable? We love each other so much and have been through so much but I feel like the one thing we can control right now is our commitment to each other and I'd give anything for and feel inspired by my life finally moving forward in this way. I know he's working his ass off for our future but our joy always seems to be 2.5 years away from wherever we are... in this far off land where we don't have to worry about money. I worry we'll never get to the point where the ducks are aligned and all of this has my ROCD and HOCD a flare. ?