I’m tripping bc I was having intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation again just popping up and taunting me , I was going to grab my charger and I remember an intrusive thought popping up but also a thought about loving my boyfriend passing then my mind said “ew no” Like really loud I even made a face, then I was panicking and was perplexed , because I’m certain that was for the intrusive thought and not for that, I would never say ew to him, he’s my boyfriend & he makes me happy. But ofc that feeds the intrusive thoughts perfectly and now I’m sitting here just crying because that’s just unfair ofc my mind is here doubting which was it for, “why would you say that if you’re attracted to him” but I remember there being an intrusive while I was grabbing my charger I’m sure I reacted to that and my mind is here taunting me calling that “proof” and it just makes me cry because I love my boyfriend so much, I’m attracted to men I’m straight and I’ve always been, and I don’t want this making me feel like I’m being someone I’m Not with him or that I fake love him because that’s not the case, plus this has always been who I am, I miss him more than ever because of this quarantine and I was crying so much when that happened I’m just like why why then ? I just know there was an intrusive thought in play... what do I do? ? I am almost certain it had to be because of the intrusive thought, I’ll usually shake my head whenever something incorrect passes my mind, there have been some slip ups that I’ve gotten over but this one I care about and is affecting me. Also please do not assume that I am gay because i can assure you that I’m not! These thoughts torture me and put me at my worst. I need help with coping with this and feeling better with myself and my relationship! Please

Girl let me tell you that you love you boyfriend with all of your heart and I know for a fact you aren’t gay! From now on instead of pushing thoughts away and ignoring them, tell them with an accepting mind that “maybe I am bi, maybe I am not, but I will continue to live my life straight.” It will be scary at first and make you feel uncomfortable in the beginng but soon it will evolve to the intrusive thoughts not even bothering you! It’s all about accepting the thoughts as they are-intrusive thoughts-and not as your own thoughts. Ocd will flip your mind around and make you think that these thoughts are yours but I promise that they’re not and with acceptance that you know your identity and you know who you are they will go away! Also, this may scare you but I’m going to say it because it helped me. Accept that no one in this world is 100% gay or 100% straight! NO ONE! Everyone gets gay thoughts that for a second they might find themselves enjoying because what do you know humans are sexual beings! Sex is pleasurable to humans so any form of it can trigger Joy. This doesn’t mean you’re gay by any form! I know intrusive thoughts will pop in and tell you that you’re gay but you’re not! You are never going to act upon these thoughts in your head-ou just aren’t! And the reason they’re there is because you fear not knowing your sexual orientation 100%! But I challenge you to put yourself on a spectrum and accept yourself completely. For instance you could be 95% straight. Sometimes you get gay thoughts that seem pleasurable before you can even acknowledge that they’re gay thoughts! This doesn’t mean that you are gay though-you’re far from it! You’re just reacting as any human would do because sex is a pleasurable thing that every human needs. You will never act upon this, and you will always like men, but if a gay thought comes up don’t let it fool you at all and just accept it as some meaningless thought because YOU KNOW WHI YOU ARE AND NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT!! Not even any form of ocd! So I know it’s scary but you are so loved and you love your boyfriend completely! You got this girl!