I know I probably shouldn’t but I feel like begging for help right now I’m not sure if these are intrusive thoughts or if I really am a horrible, racist person I’ve done so much research and everything and learned so much about the Arabic language and Islam to educate myself and act as exposure but I’m so so terrified this uncomfortable feeling I have when I hear Arabic music isn’t just my OCD and I really am a monster

What you’re feeling is very natural, even Arabs and Muslims can feel the same sometimes and find discomfort so you’re not alone. They’re nothing but intrusibe random thoughts that mean nothing.

You must be feeling really desperate and shitty :( I wonder if actually learning about those things has become a bit of a compulsion for you with trying to prove to yourself that you're not racist. It sounds as if your OCD fear is less of a fear of Arabic stuff, more of a fear that you're racist. So research and listening to music etc is in a way a trigger/exposure for that worry as it causes the intrusive fears of being racist, but is also something you use to test your fear by checking your reactions, and to try to prove your fear wrong via looking for things about it you might like (music) and educating yourself to 'fix' any racism in hopes of feeling less guilty. Maybe a good exposure for now could be just trying to live your normal life, and when triggers pop up which seem to start up those worries of being racist, doing ERP by not doing compulsions (no analysing how you feel about what you saw, no researching etc). Also, when you're raised in one culture it's pretty normal to find other ones disconcerting sometimes whether you have OCD or not. They say "everyone is a bit racist", right? Plus there are negative stereotypes and ideas all around us. What makes someone not racist isn't the absence of any immediate thought or feeling you might get when you're confronted with something outside of your own cultural 'normal', it's how you respond to that by recognising that all people and cultures are valuable and treating others well. If you already recognise that and treat others well, then you're all good. Nobody can control their initial judgement about things and there's no need to try. Sometimes I want to punch my sister in the face. That doesn't make me an evil sister-puncher. Even when sometimes I don't entirely manage to recognise things I know about the situation and remind myself that I love her and treat her super well when I'm annoyed with her, and I might snap at her, I'm still not an evil sister puncher. Whilst it's important for me to make amends if I did ACT on it by snapping, and to be aware of how I treat her, I don't need to educate myself on how to be a perfect sister or remind myself constantly of how much I love her, just like you don't need to remind yourself all the time that all cultures are valuable or find out how to be perfectly racially aware. I already know those things. I just need to bear them in mind during those difficult times and act as well as I can. I'm saying this not because I think that you always have a racist immediate-internal-reaction to racial things you see. I imagine that the vast majority of the time, your discomfort really is coming from your brain's OCD associations of this topic with anxiety, so it gives you adrenaline and anxiety and urges to do compulsions when reminders of it appear. I'm saying it because what may have set this all off in the first place (and happens to us ALL sometimes) may have been a discomfort or negative immediate-internal-reaction to something you saw/heard. And you need to know that that's normal. It's not something which can be changed or which says something bad about you. Maybe knowing that fact can make you feel a bit more empowered to do ERP, as you'll be able to say "maybe I did have a negative reaction to this thing" and work on accepting that possibility to reduce its hold on you, without that having to have these meaning attached that you're "a horrible racist person". It's a grey area, and those may be scary but they're good.

My ocd made me feel like a racist for a while, it convinced me that when I would walk past certain races I would not leave enough room for them to pass by, which I realise was bs and it was just my ocd playing up at a time of high anxiety