Hocd apparently there is Core fear everyone has in the there belief system has any therapists spoke to anyone about this

Those sound like fears but maybe not core fears. What's the essence in the fear of not getting to be with a man like you've wanted? It might be the fear of not being in control of your destiny or your own life. It might be the fear of never being happy or fully loved. It might be the fear of finding yourself trapped in situations you can't change. It might be the fear of missing out. There's probably one or two core fears which really resonate for you and may even be consistent across several different themes you have. It's so cool to discover your core fears because then those can be addressed in therapy in the understanding that the core fears are the feature of your OCD topics which makes you find the topics so hard to bear that you need compulsions to deal with the uncertainty. By working on the core fear with other therapy methods in ways which discover its roots in your past and reduce it/prove it wrong/help you understand you could cope with it just like any other potential bad thing, it ends up lessening the threat level we feel from our OCDs. And that makes it much, much easier to do ERP and can even cure some themes.

@Scoggy Ahh okay! Yeah I def don’t think I understood what core fear meant. I think for me it’s that I’ve been waiting for the right man for so long and I feel like this will take it away from me

@Madeline Is there a kind of core part of that worry which is about you rather than about something to do with men or sexuality? Because usually a core fear doesn't have anything to do with the OCD obsessions, the idea is that although you have a fear of not getting to be with a man, that is a representation of something much deeper. You mentioned waiting, maybe it's a fear that no matter how patient and diligent and resilient you are in your life and trusting that you'll someday be happy, there is the potential that your happy future can be taken away from you. Freud or Jung would say that boils down to fear of death, as most things do. Perhaps you fear your efforts in life being in vain, or that even if you do everything right, control could still be taken away from you by anything at any moment. I'm kinda hoping that I'll say something with just the right phrasing which will spark a spike of anxiety in you and you'll be able to spot your core fear. Often when we realise what our core fear is, we can very instinctively relate it back to events or experiences or ways of thinking from childhood and adolescence. Then therapy is about accepting these fears are true in a sense (we are all going to die) while finding ways to live in a more present way or working to need/desire things less, etc. Looking at the places you don't want to look in life can make you very strong indeed if you can manage to do it.

@Scoggy Yeah! I would say then it’s that I’m not good enough for any guys so I’ll have to give up and go to girls