- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
god i’m literally going through the same thing with my rocd. im crying everyday, multiple panic attacks everyday. it’s like logically i know none of my fears are real or could ever be real. i don’t even believe in the thoughts anymore! but the amount is anxiety i have is so goddamn crippling and debilitating. when i have these bad moments, it feels like i’m never ever gonna get better and i’d be better off dead. i don’t wanna die, i just want this suffering to end. i don’t know what to do anymore. i thought i had escaped this dark place because i was doing so good for the past couple of weeks but it has hit me full force and now i’m withering away again, stuck here with the same mindset. i know it feels like we’re gonna be this way forever, but seeing others recovery has given me so much hope. i my self have recovered from my hocd theme through self directed erp that i did for a couple of months. so it is possible to get over it! but it’s so painful and so scary. my rocd wants me to give up the fight and just break up with my boyfriend so i can put an end to this all but that’s a lie that i cannot give in to. ocd will just sneak it’s way into another part of my life, perhaps a new relationship (typing out the words ‘new relationship’ just almost made me throw up lmao). so we have to keep fighting. we are gonna have really really bad days! but in the end, we are fighting for a life free from ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
the amount of*** anxiety, sorry.
- Date posted
- 5y
@pure093 yes. we are going to get better.
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm so sorry :/ But hey, I believe you can fight through this. And I feel ya, I miss calling myself straight without stupid doubts telling me I'm not.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, I went through a similar episode some days ago - suicidal thoughts, exhaustion, obsessions 24/7... But after practicing acceptance I got way better. I still have anxiety and thoughts that bother me as soon as I wake up but I'm not depressed anymore and I can focus on what I like. You mention you have passions and goals - that's great! Try to accept your sexual orientation is not certain, and your brain will soon focus on those passions and goals again. I'm sure you're gonna get through this!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 20w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 20w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
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