I am trying to understand that just bc I don’t always wanna spend time with my bf and hat sometimes it’s boring that there’s something wrong in the relationship how do I deal with these thoughts!!

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

I’m new to this and trying to understand why I often feel stressed and overwhelmed by leaving the house to run an errand or see a friend. My boyfriend is an extrovert and I feel overwhelmed when I think of spending time with him because I know he wants to be out and about keeping busy. We live in NYC and lately the city is just too much for me - the noise, crowds, smells. I bailed on him today in a way I’m not proud of. He deserves to have a girlfriend that can and wants to keep up with him. I want to be that person, I want to WANT to do things. It’s so hard to know what is depression, what is personal preference, what is OCD, what is circumstantial, etc. I want to show up for my loved ones, I want to keep commitments, I want to get my errands done.

Right now, my boyfriend and I are going through a tough phase. I’ve always been very clingy and dependent — I know it, and so does he. It’s really important to me that he remembers this also makes me very vulnerable. I’m trying my best to work on this relationship, but along the way, I started to lose who I am. Meaning: I pushed away my friends, I stopped reading as much, and I’m not sleeping well, all so that we could spend more time together. In today’s conversation, he told me that he wants me to do things on my own — start writing again, reading, going out with friends. He said it’s healthy and good for me. And I agree, of course I do. But it’s the other things he said that hurt me: 1. He told me that his friends and I are on the same level in his priorities. 2. He said he’s okay with not texting me throughout the day, and okay if we talk less than three hours (we’re long-distance and only see each other once every few months). 3. He would spend time with his friends first, and only then talk to me — even when he knows I have to go to sleep soon because of work. (And even if I didn’t have work, why am I still at the end of his list?) 4. I got sick, and he didn’t text me during the day to ask how I was feeling — but he did go out with a friend. It’s killing me to see how he doesn’t seem to care about this relationship as much as I do. I just want to feel loved and cared about. And sometimes im feeling like im too harsh on him. He said that sometimes I make it hard for people to love me, because I focus too much on finding signs that they don’t. But I just know deep down, that he doesn't care Or maybe he does. And maybe this is not ocd, maybe it is, idk Im just very very sad bc of it and I needed to let it out.