- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Gotta stop investigating and ruminating over them. That gets easier over time. Treatment doesn't often bring you a confirmation that your relationship is perfect, but it works because your brain no longer needs it to be perfect. Thoughts mostly go bye-bye. Any that you do still get, you're able to let them pass by without investigation. You end up with a space of much more emotional freedom to be able to see that even if your relationship isn't perfect all the time, that doesn't make it a disaster or a threat. But you can't do treatment by arguing with the thoughts telling them they're not a disaster or a threat. Those deep emotional realisations can come naturally, after treatment where you process your anxieties by staying with the physical feelings instead of investigating them. Treatment can get you to a mature place of knowing that if something is wrong in the relationship you could work on solving it, and that flaws are not threats, so you can make decisions based on what you know instead of based on panic and rumination. The only thing that can forcibly take your relationship from you is OCD. I really recommend doing treatment.
- Date posted
- 5y
My personal opinion is that it’s very natural to get bored and not want to spend time with him. Keep in mind that you’ll be very aware when something is wrong with the relationship and won’t need to be coming here to ask. We all get bored and it’s in fact very common for people who’ve been dating for a while to experience some sort of boredom while spending time together. But whether there’s something wrong in the relationship or not is totally something you would be able to figure out 100% without needing reassurance.
- Date posted
- 5y
I get confused on this too because it’s gotten to the point where my bf initiates all our intimate kisses. I am still affectionate in touch though. But I have a lot of guilt because I don’t care to show him attention as much anymore.
- Date posted
- 5y
I can relate... its tough to know what to believe. I think what ill do is just go with the flow instead of associating negativity to these things. Maybe the moment we stop judging these thoughts or realities, we will starr to understand better why we feel thus way for real?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
- Date posted
- 20w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m new to this and trying to understand why I often feel stressed and overwhelmed by leaving the house to run an errand or see a friend. My boyfriend is an extrovert and I feel overwhelmed when I think of spending time with him because I know he wants to be out and about keeping busy. We live in NYC and lately the city is just too much for me - the noise, crowds, smells. I bailed on him today in a way I’m not proud of. He deserves to have a girlfriend that can and wants to keep up with him. I want to be that person, I want to WANT to do things. It’s so hard to know what is depression, what is personal preference, what is OCD, what is circumstantial, etc. I want to show up for my loved ones, I want to keep commitments, I want to get my errands done.
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