Looking for anyone with Self-Harm/Suicidal OCD to chat with, it’s kind of hard to deal with this during quarantine and such

Hey! For real? You read my discussion with Evelyn? What’s it like for you and how long have you been dealing with this if you don’t mind me asking ofcourse. It’s always comforting to be able to talk to other people who know and understand what you’re going through.

I’ll definitely try my best, thank you!

I’m having a lot of trouble dealing with this terrible theme and being unable to differentiate between intrusive thoughts and what I really want! I feel hopeless and that this pain is endless!

@ItsOmar It’s a super hard theme I totally understand that! Are you doing any therapy for it? How long have you been dealing with this specific theme?

@Evelyn4416 I’ve started therapy but no ERP yet and I’ve been dealing with it for 3 months but it’s way too hectic I can’t even function on a daily basis!

@ItsOmar Okay it’s good that you’ve started therapy! Once you start doing ERP it’s gonna get better. I’ve been dealing with this theme since August but didn’t start ERP until March. Just doing so has helped a ton! In the meantime since you say it’s affecting how you’re functioning (been there as well), it would help to talk to your therapist on options in regard to supplements or medication. The fear I was dealing with day-to-day before wouldn’t let me sleep/eat/anything, so I started taking relaxation supplements every day and night (L-Theanine and GABA), those have helped a lot to be able to function day to day, but the ERP is for the OCD. Medication might also be an option for you as well if you think so. I say all that because it’ll be hard to conduct ERP eventually if your anxiety is too high, so it’ll have to come down a bit before it can take place effectively. I’m not sure what your exact triggers are either, for me it seems like it could be anything, but when you’re in the middle of everything what helps me is to practice deep breathing and focusing on the moment, to at least take me away from panic. Then distracting yourself with things you enjoy. OCD will make you doubt yourself to no end, but that’s what it does. Horrible horrible disorder. But you’re in the first steps of recovery so you’re heading in the right direction

@Evelyn4416 I’m very sorry to hear that you’re going through this theme, it’s really hectic. It’s definitely not letting me sleep/eat/anything as well. Do you also feel like you actually want to die and once that feeling occurs, it boosts your anxiety? I’ll make sure to talk with my therapist about medication since it seems to have a significant impact. It’s usually at the end of my appointments that I begin to start wondering if this isn’t OCD and that I really am suicidal, and so the spiral keeps going.

@ItsOmar I would definitely ask about medication/supplements then so that you’re able to sleep and eat normally again. I know deep down I don’t truly want to die, but the OCD will throw whatever excuse, thoughts, feelings, and even urges that say I do. That’s the weird thing with OCD, that urges and feelings are apart of them. But the fact that it causes so much distress and anxiety is proof that I’m not actually suicidal. I could say the same for you since you are experiencing such a high level of distress due to these thoughts. The fears and thoughts would try to sneak in in so many different ways. It made me question maybe I was actually suicidal since the thought wouldn’t leave me alone, what if I end up experiencing such a horrible event in the future that it’ll make me turn to suicide, what if I become depressed and then actually want to commit suicide, etc. I’ve even had new themes pop up that slide down back to the main suicidal OCD theme, such as existential OCD and disturbing sexual intrusive thoughts. Any worries and concerns you have, definitely talk to your therapist about. Whenever I had a new concern I was freaking out about, I would make sure to mention it to mine and she would give me this explanation or perspective I never considered and it would help

@Evelyn4416 Oh okay. I think I have the same thing with new themes that slide back to the main suicidal OCD theme. I’ll talk to my therapist about everything but it’s hard to wait because my sessions are one week apart and my mind goes to really dark places so I just have nobody to rant to. This theme has really consumed almost all of my energy.

@ItsOmar I get what you mean, definitely try in the meanwhile those deep breathing exercises and doing things that are nice. For example when it was really bad for me it helped a bit to sit outside or watch tv with my brother. I would still have a war going on inside my head, but it helped a tiny bit between sessions. Plus feel free to post and communicate on here, when this theme first started for me I thought I was the only but but I’ve been a bunch of people just on this app who have the exact same thing

@Evelyn4416 Okay, I’ll try. And yea, I can see that there are others here who suffer from this theme. Thank you.

Oh wow, I’m sorry that you’ve went through all of that. It’s great that you got better though, if you can do it once then you sure can do it again! Anyways, if you’re down to chat anywhere like on social media or Whatsapp, please let me know. I’d like to hear more about your experience and perhaps share more of my story. If not though, that’s fine and thanks a bunch for the support!

Well, for social media, I guess Instagram because I don’t have a Facebook account anymore. Do you have an Instagram account?

Alright perfect! What’s your instagram?