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- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand this!! It’s like I’m happy being straight but it’s like my mind won’t accept me being straight which is weird. I don’t really want to be gay but at this point it’s like my mind makes wants me to be gay. I heard when the fear doesn’t sound that scary anymore that you are recovering even though it isn’t the end result that you want. Stay strong!!
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- 5y
I’m trying but it’s so scary cause I’m not longer fighting. I’m just accepting it but there’s this small fear I’m gonna act on it, but I’m holding myself from compulsions... almost. ?
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- 5y
@Anonymous I understand! But we will get through this! Stay strong! Just let your thoughts be thoughts!!!
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- 5y
I think OCD tries to take the theme, twist and manipulate it into any scenario we can possibly think of. It’s good that you’re simply noticing it, try your best not to give into assigning meaning to these thoughts
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- 5y
Yes, for me it’s easier to take the thought but not the body sensations and feelings that goes along with it.
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- 5y
I feel this a lot. It happens to me as well
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- 5y
Thank you for sharing!
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- 5y
same. My hocd has fixated on lesbians that look somewhat like boys ? I don’t know if I’m attracted to them but I always get anxiety looking at them tho .
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- 5y
Yes!!! It’s so horrible now I almost have a panic attack if I look at them. My HOCD always made me feel uncomfortable looking at them but when I tried to expose myself, it back fired.
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- 5y
@Anonymous I try to do the same by exposing myself but it just brings more thoughts and pain
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- 5y
I can kinda relate to what your saying. Like for example my ocd goes back and forth that what if I’m attracted to real girly girl ya or just beautiful women. And then it could turn too what if im attracted to boyish/butchy girls. Sometimes it could be both at the same time. It’s definitely frustrating. But I’m pretty sure it’s just the ocd trying to convince me that I’m just a straight lesbian whether it’s a girly girl or a boyish girl. But in reality I’m pretty sure lesbians usually have a preference for that stuff like what type of girl they like if it’s a boyish girl or a girly girly. And I believe it works the same for gay guys
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- 5y
@ta Yes mine targets both pretty much sometimes one more than the other
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- 5y
@ta Makes no sense but that’s just typical ocd for ya
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
- Date posted
- 15w
Last night I took my meds to help me sleep and I kept waking up throughout the night with thoughts like “I’m really a lesbian now” or “I’m ok with it now, this is what I prefer”. I really feel like everyday for a couple of days now, I’ve woken up feeling more and more like my preferences have completely changed. The first few days was major anxiety, panic attacks, then I had a really bad double-bind and reversal spiral, and I became a little bit calmer since then. Now I feel like I’m managing the thoughts without anxiety or panic like I’m used to, but now it feels like I really want them and that I’m ok with it. Like I don’t care anymore. But the thing is, in between all of the mini spiral episodes I’ve had, I had these little moments of clarity like “I’m not giving up on my fantasies of men” or “I’ve always wanted men, that doesn’t just change”. But last night I’ve had really sexual dreams that I’m having trouble interpreting. I had one where I think it was me sleeping with a guy, but I woke up frantically because I think the roles got reversed, but I’m not sure. Another one I was a random woman with a husband, but I think the roles got reversed again so I woke up immediately. Both times it felt like arousal. Obviously I still care somewhat if I’m still here asking, but my brain or maybe me (I’m really not sure anymore) is telling me that I’m a lesbian now and I prefer it. It’s like I don’t care and want it now. It’s like I’m not even feeling confusion about it. I don’t know if it’s because of the meds, I’ve been distracted (family in town), because I’m in maybe quieter stages after two bad spiral episodes, or because I’ve really changed. It’s literally like I think being a lesbian will be enjoyable now but I don’t want that, even if my brain (and body apparently) keeps telling me that. I was told that ocd doesn’t change who you are, but now I’m worried that what I thought was background noise leading up to another spiral was suppressed self discovery (I’ve had two major soocd episodes in my life: late high school and now a few years later).
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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