- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Also just want to add that women are so sexualised and so are men! Sex is subconscious forced into our faces now so it’s no wonder we find it so distressing. A tip I use when I feel shit about worry about this situation is track back my history. Like there are quite a lot of men I’ve fancied vs one girl who o fancied in high school! But tbh, I never wanted anything with her, just had a strange sexual attraction to her but that doesn’t make me gay - when you’re young hormones are flying and you’re finding yourself - also sexual attraction to same sex individuals doesn’t make you gay. Look at your sexual history and what you see in your future! Lots of people watch and enjoy same sex porn and identify as straight. It’s absolutely ok despite our OCD telling us and forcing us to believe things that aren’t true. (just want to keep it real so you know, while writing this my OCD has said to me about 15 times, you’re just in denial, you’re definitely going to be gay when you’re older, maybe you want to peruse women. This shit is TOUGH)
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes!! There are different types of attraction and if you are attraction to the same-sex, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. You're acknowledging beauty!!
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes yes yes!! It means nothing and is not a reflection on sexuality
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm actually a bit glad. My sexual history has never contained even one girl. I've always liked guys. Lol I can remember the day I got my period and my hormones were like "boys!!!" And I became boy crazy ever since then. Hocd has been a real bitch and it doesn't believe what my sexual history has been :(. Im also ashamed that I like Les porn but this post comforts me a little :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m glad for you but obviously even if it did that wouldn’t effect your sexuality! Remember that history and keep using that to argue the thoughts opposed to engaging with compulsions! Also try to remember when it started, I find that helpful! Mine started when I was in my first relationship at around 14 and he was nice and I lost my virginity to him and he was very attractive but something wasn’t right (tbf he had been cheating on me so that’s probably what ?) and my OCD started as relationship based and then moved over into HOCD as I couldn’t believe I didn’t really like him as all the other girls did, obviously I didn’t like him because he was a shit haha. But I find knowing when it started helpful so I can visualise my journey and track back and rationalise my thoughts without engaging in a debate with them. Also lesbian porn is great and I’m sure a good 50% of women watch it and it doesn’t make you gay, women are sexualised so it’s no wonder we have a sex attraction to it but that doesn’t dictate sexuality, sexuality is multifaceted xx
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah true I agree. I remember mine started last year when I had severe influenza. I was watching a lesbian movie and that's when it all stared. I remember a day before this though...I was thirsting over a guy really really hard. And my sexual history has always only been with guys including fantasies, dreams, crushes etc. Thank you for saying all that, makes me feel less alone
- Date posted
- 5y
@sanzida? Exactly, you were already exhausted and feeling down and then a thought probably came up and made you question you’re sexuality, on a normal day you’d probably of disregarded it but that day you couldn’t and now it keeps coming up because you don’t want it to! That is an intrusive though, but a normal one, but unfortunately OCD holds on to that and makes you worry. Watching a lesbian movie doesn’t make you gay in the slightest, we aren’t defined by these things. It’s the choices we make x
- Date posted
- 5y
@bethany Yes but im still a bit worried. Initially during hocd I was sure it was hocd and nothing else but now as time has passed on I feel like I'm turning gay since now I have no emotional senses and I'm num to my thoughts but I'm still worried about them. My new obsessions are convincing me I'm not straight at all and that I have forced myself all along and that I hate men and sex with them. Feels real but I'm trying to ignore. I also have a fear that I'm in compulsory heterosexuality though reviewing my sexual history I showed no signs. But now after hocd Ive lost my imagination for guys and those are one of the signs of compulsory heterosexuality :(
- Date posted
- 5y
Masturbation is really positive and can relieve anxiety! Just makes sure you’re not using it to prove your sexuality x
- Date posted
- 5y
I did it and yeah unintentionally it proves my sexuality :(. I don't know how to control this. Before hocd I was positive that I like only men but after hocd everything is so blurry ugh I should really I mean really stop and make it a habit :(
- Date posted
- 5y
But also maybe avoid porn altogether during your toughest times, it’ll either make you feel worse or sometimes be a compulsion (in my experience) so just be careful with porn I’d say xx
- Date posted
- 5y
Also I try to avoid porn, but i sometimes really feel like masturbating :(. It's been a week and I really feel like doing it but I'm trying to control :(
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Here are some things that make me feel alone and isolated in my journey with sexual orientation OCD: 1. This feels like a complete identity crisis. I think that is what makes it so hard. It seems to go against everything I believe myself to be and who I always have identified as. 2. My compulsions, thoughts, triggers, and everything else that comes along with this disease feels and seems like I’m the only one that struggles with those things. My thoughts and images in my head often seems so real that it can only be me in denial. 3. Because this sub type of OCD is so sexual in nature, it has made my sex life with my husband, a really hard situation. Because I always get afraid and sex that I will think of these thoughts, I subconsciously then think of those thoughts, and if I have any type of feeling associated with those thoughts, it feels like proof that those thoughts are real and that makes it even harder. 4. Because a lot of the pleasure that comes with sex is on hot for me while I’m figuring out in this journey with OCD, my mind has convinced me that it is because I will only feel those things if I were with someone at the same sex (I am a straight female. I have a fear of being homosexual.). Well, all those things have made it really hard for me to function daily, I am doing a lot better at finding ways to combat those. I wanted to offer some of the things that I find that help me move past these thoughts and while it’s not always a perfect fix, it’s really helped. 1. I tried to remind myself daily that while love is a feeling it’s also choice. I have to remind myself to get up every single day and choose my husband not because I always feel like choosing him because that is who I choose. That is who I want. That is who I want to grow a relationship with to have a child with Thus why I always don’t feel that love, I always choose it. And while this can be really hard because just society as a whole has made us have these unrealistic ideas about what love is and made us think that love is just this huge with butterflies and sparks, it’s not always that. 2. I try to remind myself that these are just thoughts. And thoughts are not who I am. I don’t have to become the thoughts. I’m not a bad person for thinking of thoughts, and I don’t have to believe the thoughts. 3. When I get, like I often do, groinal responses to the things that I am thinking or seeing in my mind I just remind myself that those are responses to the anxiety I have. I’m not thinking those because I want to think those, but it’s in a response too The fear that I will think those and that I will get that response and then in turn I get the response. 4. I tried to remind myself that this isn’t a fear of coming out like if I was gay, this is a fear associated with a thought that I would be because that’s not who I am. If I really was gay, I would like the thought I would like the pleasure and I would be afraid of coming out. But in this situation, I don’t want any of the thoughts not because I’m afraid of coming out of this because it’s not who I am. If that makes sense.
- Date posted
- 21w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 17w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
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