Hello everyone, I don’t know if any of you follow Florence given on Instagram but she is a feminist illustrator and author and she has recently shed some light on a topic which I feel has greatly influenced my HOCD and I hope by sharing this, this makes someone feel less alone. She asked her followers to write in to her about their earliest memories of pleasure - and thousands of predominantly women wrote in saying that at sleepovers when they were young they use to kiss their friends and “hump” one another or watch babystation or what not - the women reported feeling so ashamed of it and could not believe how many people had also done it! I myself am included in the thousands of young girls that did this before they even knew what sex or sexuality even was! She highlighted that these responses were not just from gay or bisexual women but a large majority of the women were heterosexual and they reported being very ashamed of these memories (myself included) however didn’t really bother them. This highlighted to me that I am not alone and loads of kids did this because we were kids and we “practicing” and didn’t really understand?. Unfortunately I suffer with anxiety on a very high scale and I found that my OCD presents itself when my anxiety is very high and my OCD is often centred around this! For so long I felt so alone in this experience and thought it must mean I’m gay despite not romanticising about women at all and online finding men attractive when I reached a sexually mature age - but it DOESN’T MAKE ME ANYTHING! Today I say no to OCD. I’m sure some of you have had an experience with someone of the same sex whether that be when you were a child or adult but it doesn’t define our sexuality. Sex contact, sexual attraction and sexuality are very different things. I’m proud to say yeah I find girls attractive but that doesn’t make me gay - Today I say fuck you to my HOCD.

Also just want to add that women are so sexualised and so are men! Sex is subconscious forced into our faces now so it’s no wonder we find it so distressing. A tip I use when I feel shit about worry about this situation is track back my history. Like there are quite a lot of men I’ve fancied vs one girl who o fancied in high school! But tbh, I never wanted anything with her, just had a strange sexual attraction to her but that doesn’t make me gay - when you’re young hormones are flying and you’re finding yourself - also sexual attraction to same sex individuals doesn’t make you gay. Look at your sexual history and what you see in your future! Lots of people watch and enjoy same sex porn and identify as straight. It’s absolutely ok despite our OCD telling us and forcing us to believe things that aren’t true. (just want to keep it real so you know, while writing this my OCD has said to me about 15 times, you’re just in denial, you’re definitely going to be gay when you’re older, maybe you want to peruse women. This shit is TOUGH)

Yes!! There are different types of attraction and if you are attraction to the same-sex, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. You're acknowledging beauty!!

I'm actually a bit glad. My sexual history has never contained even one girl. I've always liked guys. Lol I can remember the day I got my period and my hormones were like "boys!!!" And I became boy crazy ever since then. Hocd has been a real bitch and it doesn't believe what my sexual history has been :(. Im also ashamed that I like Les porn but this post comforts me a little :)

I’m glad for you but obviously even if it did that wouldn’t effect your sexuality! Remember that history and keep using that to argue the thoughts opposed to engaging with compulsions! Also try to remember when it started, I find that helpful! Mine started when I was in my first relationship at around 14 and he was nice and I lost my virginity to him and he was very attractive but something wasn’t right (tbf he had been cheating on me so that’s probably what ?) and my OCD started as relationship based and then moved over into HOCD as I couldn’t believe I didn’t really like him as all the other girls did, obviously I didn’t like him because he was a shit haha. But I find knowing when it started helpful so I can visualise my journey and track back and rationalise my thoughts without engaging in a debate with them. Also lesbian porn is great and I’m sure a good 50% of women watch it and it doesn’t make you gay, women are sexualised so it’s no wonder we have a sex attraction to it but that doesn’t dictate sexuality, sexuality is multifaceted xx

Masturbation is really positive and can relieve anxiety! Just makes sure you’re not using it to prove your sexuality x

But also maybe avoid porn altogether during your toughest times, it’ll either make you feel worse or sometimes be a compulsion (in my experience) so just be careful with porn I’d say xx