FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

My POCD has been going for 5 months now. I feel like I enjoy it when in reality it is bringing me extreme torment day in and day out. But what if that’s just because it’s unaccepted in society? I don’t want to hurt anyone and I know I WILL not hurt anyone, I just wanna know I’m not what I fear. The OCD is praying on Mistakes I made in high school, though I didn’t actually hurt anyone. I just want these thoughts to be intrusive. I’ve Known I have ocd since 8th grade, so it’s been like 8 years. I’ve had so many themes—perfection, HOCD/fear of being straight, fear of losing my interests, fear of using the wrong pronouns/being the wrong gender —the list is like 2 pages long. I just hope this is OCD. It sounds like I’m starting my NOCD therapy in 9 days. Does anyone who has been through it wanna comment below?

POCD

Mars

Date posted: 5y

My pocd is set off from high school mistakes as well even tho I’m p sure I didn’t hurt anyone... I completely understand. It’s terrifying.

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. I’d never hurt anyone or touch anyone inappropriately, I just hate false attractions cuz they weren’t “false” when I didn’t realize they were wrong in high school. I had to come out in high school and figure all that out, so I’m praying my mind just got confused. I truly never hurt anyone and never will. False attractions and the “what if” I like it is tearing me apart, I feel like I don’t deserve anything even tho everyone says I’m such a good/kind person. I’ll be calm(er) for 20 mins and then spiral again. Plus like I said my attraction to people my age that are my type has gone away and it sucks and I miss it

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD Yea same. I’m also lgbt so the pocd can feed in that too. But now I get scared of thinking of girls bc then I get intrusive thoughts of kids so I understand it’s hard.

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@Mars OMG I relate to this so hard. I 100% understand that. I used to have intrusive thoughts about both genders for POCD until I was like, oh wait. I don’t like girls. And the intrusive POCD thoughts for girls went away. Now I can’t think of my type of guy (twink—I’m sure you’re familiar with the term) without having male POCD thoughts and I HATE IT

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD Ohhh my god I totally feel you. I’m more into butch type women but even then I still get the intrusive thoughts. So I normally don’t think of girls anymore.

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@Mars Well, you definitely have a friend in me. I believe you and I know it’s just POCD. I’m here for you, we WILL get thru this. Message if you need anything ?

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD Thank you, same to you! ❤️

Sunflower

Date posted: 5y

You sound exactly like me ,it's like I wrote this post,I have pocd too!!!!!

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

I think i saw it! Hugs to you, we don’t deserve this but we WILL get thru it

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

It's so shit the way OCD themes always feel like THIS IS THE REAL THING, REALER THAN ALL THE OTHERS during it. I feel like my own themes are just getting worse and worse all the time (in the sense of life-impacting and feeling of threat etc). I have only had a touch of POCD before but I've had zoophilia OCD and it was a nightmare. Every theme makes you feel like your life is going to be over. And it was the same for me, making myself ill over it, not sleeping, constant worrying and yet every time there was a trigger or my thinking looped round to it, I got the instant belief that I liked it. It can almost be like a backdoor spike too which is when you go "is this OCD or am I in denial?", like you just want to believe it's OCD because you're suppressing the truth. Hey here's what I'm starting to learn about suppressing things though: it's possible to forget things, which includes compartmentalizing them due to trauma. It's also possible to be in denial, which is where you're fully aware that something is true, but you act like it isn't and push away reminders of it and DEFINITELY don't do OCD about it. But this whole thing about self-delusion we got going on? Nah. I've spent weeks of my life questioning myself for hidden secret motivations, especially when I feel like my behaviour "looks guilty" if you get what I mean. But I never solve that, and I think I'm losing faith in the concept that that can be true for anyone. I think it can help too to accept that yes part of what makes it so abhorrent is the way society feels about it. It adds an extra edge of stigma and shame to the issue. It makes it cut a bit deeper. Take a leap of faith and treat the OCD by not doing compulsions for a while (I tell myself "I'll figure that out later" a lot) and see if you find something good out.

Hmac

Date posted: 5y

I hope y’all can join our new POCD group I feel like I’ve talked to y’all the most regarding this topic https://chat.whatsapp.com/CKnytCTes5a3CzuzCTC3iF

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

Will def soon :)

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

Also, though I’m attracted to young LOOKING guys that are my age, that has left me. I know that’s super common for POCD, but it still sucks

figuringital...

Date posted: 5y

Hi there! Sounds like we have very similar stories — how are you doing now??? I related a lot to your post.

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

Sorry I just saw this. I’m triggered rn cuz I saw a post online and now I feel like I want to look again and I hate that because it like isn’t bothering me as much and it SHOULD. I want the thought/desire to look again to LEAVE MY HEAD. I’m feeling arousal and I don’t want it. I’m also fearing because my type of guy is “twinks” that my fear is true. I’m not really into older guys than me usually, but older women can still be “hot” even tho I’m not attracted to them. Ughh I’m scared my fear is real

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

But how are you doing? It’s comforting to know we have similar stories :)

figuringital...

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD I totally feel that! I have been doing so much ruminating lately. Normally I am into older guys which is what I used as proof that I’m not which is so stupid but its true. How did your POCD start if you don’t mind my asking?

figuringital...

Date posted: 5y

Hey! How are you doing now?

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

POCD still roars, but I’m currently switching to Zoloft. Thanks for asking! How are you?

Hmac

Date posted: 5y

How have you been feeling?

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

Same, but I’m switching to Zoloft and learning to cope. Hbu?

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