MJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
I relate so much you have no fricking clue, especially atm. I have a real event OCD already about a time where I made a false confession and since then I've kept making them periodically when I'm super triggered ? my original false confession was mostly trauma and part OCD so I was doubting myself and feeling terrible without actually going over memories and making any false ones, the feelings were just strong enough to make me need to do a false confession to test if my worst fear felt true. Since then it's pretty much been based on memory guesses and suggestion. I start feeling responsible for something, I feel I must've done something wrong to cause it, I guess what the most likely thing would be and play it over in my mind and it feels real so I confess it. The last week or so I'm freaking out because I have a suggestion that during an obsession with going over my memories, I might have created false ones and told them, and thereby caused harm ofc. Plus a mini panic on top at the possibility that I said something and it was true and I've forgotten it. And the thing is, even at my not anxious moments, I'm pretty sure I did say something wrong, I've got a person and a vague memory in my head, although it's starting to turn into "maybe you actually felt under pressure and lied or exaggerated something" which has been a theme for me before already. But I have certainly lied or exaggerated under pressure and suggestion before (telling people what they want to hear) so it doesn't seem far fetched. My OCD has seriously caused so many problems, god damn.
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Thankyou for your response. I'm the same. It makes me freak out because the memory is there but it comes with misplaced guilt and I feel responsible when I'm not. I've told so many people my worst fears and they all tell me that doesnt make me a bad person, but OCD doesnt end, does it? It brings up other "memories" with all the detailes messed up. One of my biggest OCD fears was that I'd make a false confession in a really anxious state from anxiety. I dismissed this for awhile. But today I was watching this buzzfeed video of people in iceland who were tortured in solitary confinement by the police until they confessed, they were all innocent but all of them confessed to murders they never committed and were deemed guilty by a judge. I've read about this happening before where people plead guilty because of false memories even though they're completely innocent. My OCD took all this info into account and was like "what if you do something like that (make a completely false confession)?" And it just FREAKED ME OUT. I hate ocd, I hate it I hate it. I feel so abnormal that I dont trust my own brain. :(
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd I guess our only difference is that I've actually made them! Lol. Honestly they've never ACTUALLY made anything bad happen, because people either don't care very much about what I do or they understand when I take it back. So the only thing it's done for me is give my OCD more fuel, rather than outright ruining my life. I fear that my mistakes or any confessions which have been based in truth would make my false ones look more suspicious, it's horrible. Even though yeah just like you I've seen stuff that people make false confessions, even Derren Brown has a special on YouTube where he programmed someone using guilt triggers to think they'd committed a murder (he's a lil fucked up). So I know they're not exactly an alien thing to do, in truth. I just hate my awful mish mash of memories, unreasonable guilt, real mistakes where I might not be able to undo the damage, responsibility ocd, etc. And mine usually centers around one traumatic period in my past. Which was years ago and the only reminders I've had of it IRL have been ones I've brought on myself by contacting people, the rest of the world has very much moved on. Yet I have to live in it, fearing it could all come back again and culminate in awful Consequences for me. The idea of living my life as if nothing is going to happen seems completely ridiculous most of the time. I'm working through this with my therapist and really hoping to get it straightened out enough that I end up with a few things I can do about it and a more balanced view of it and how bad it could get.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd And not KNOWING how accurate some confessions are becaus I don't have the full memories or a way to check, just loads of guilt, is The Worst.
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