i keep going over the times where i found my cousins attractive. i grew up in a culture where marrying ur cousins is very common and even when i was little, my family would joke about how i was gonna grow up to marry my cousin. but now i’m just reviewing all the times where i had “crushes” on my cousins and found them attractive. i know that this is extremely horrific and disgusting but i have NEVER EVER acted on it and never will. i am NOT into incest but my ocd keeps trying to use these “crushes” as proof that i am. it’s also playing into my rocd because my ocd keeps telling me that i actually need to be with my cousin which means i need to leave my boyfriend because somehow this is the only way to satiate my self. i know how stupid and ridiculous this sounds but i just can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling i have about all of this. i know you guys are judging me heavily but i needed to let this out.

"Pure" OCD

ocdsvcks

Date posted: 5y

i wake up super panicked about these thoughts as well because i don’t wanna be into incest but still my mind is like “ur not anxious enough about this so that means this is not egodystonic and u need to embrace this as who u are” i feel like i’ve completely lost my self in the past few days. i don’t know who i am anymore. i so afraid of losing my relationship over this. i don’t know what to do. i cant take back what i thought about my cousins but i wish i could. i don’t know why i would ever think these things about them being attractive. i know that i would never ever act out on this, which is the only thing that’s keeping me going. i know this could be worse but of course ocd is making this seem like the biggest offense in the world

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