i keep going over the times where i found my cousins attractive. i grew up in a culture where marrying ur cousins is very common and even when i was little, my family would joke about how i was gonna grow up to marry my cousin. but now i’m just reviewing all the times where i had “crushes” on my cousins and found them attractive. i know that this is extremely horrific and disgusting but i have NEVER EVER acted on it and never will. i am NOT into incest but my ocd keeps trying to use these “crushes” as proof that i am. it’s also playing into my rocd because my ocd keeps telling me that i actually need to be with my cousin which means i need to leave my boyfriend because somehow this is the only way to satiate my self. i know how stupid and ridiculous this sounds but i just can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling i have about all of this. i know you guys are judging me heavily but i needed to let this out.

TW!!!! TW! Not talking abt SOCD in talking abt those really gross intrusive thoughts about sexual things with family ,friends, animals, random people. Mine is with family specifically my mom and I am so scared and my OCD is saying I actually want these thoughts to happen irl. I’m scared and these thoughts aren’t just the average incest thoughts there are sooo messed up it crazy, a few weeks ago I gas a thought that I was pregnant with that family member I mentioned before and I know ewwwwww wtf it’s sooo bad and I’m scared ppl will judge me for it in here or my therapist I’m so scared and it keeps adding to this thought like what it would be like if that were true and it’s sounds so crazy and gross and f****d up I feel so guilty and scared and I don’t wanna do ERP cuz I’m scared worse thoughts will come and your probably think well I can’t get worse then that but unfortunately it probably could anyways I’m sorry for ranting and pls pls reply cuz I feel rlly alone cuz I feel like no one gets THESE thoughts aghhh 😖

i need some advice!! when i was 16, i was watching an anime and this character had abs and he was 12. i remember at the time (from what i can remember), i made a weird comment on his physique. saying things like “omg how did he become this buff haha.” and “oh im going to jail.” i even said “it’s only a 4 year difference.” like WHAT?!? just because it’s a 4 year difference, doesn’t make it okay. its WEIRD!! why would i say that? i also want to mention that i have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself bc of my ADHD, so i tend to blurt things out. i just find it disturbing that i would have such thoughts, let alone say it out loud. i never had attraction to kids bc its immorally wrong and disgusting, but i feel no different from the ppl who would hurt children irl. I’ve tried forgive myself multiple times, but what i did is irredeemable. i feel like i am using my OCD as an excuse. i am so scared that i am a p, i want to d1e. my life is ruined.

I really don't know wtf to do. Out of everything I've been through this has to be the last straw. I'm getting so much better with regards to POCD and HOCD but omw! This is the worst. I actually never had incest intrusive thoughts or even pedophile intrusive thoughts until I basically had an existential crisis where I asked some really normal thoughts I'd say but due to OCD, they were just blown out of proportion. One of the questions being "are morals real?" I think I did quite well with unlearning and learning in the "existential crisis phase" but one thing that stuck is incest OCD! That scared me from the beginning right now it's just so bad. It's okay for me to be around my family, I can handle that to a certain extent but the problem is other families. It's like my perception of families has been ruined. I hear about families and immediately think of incest between them and it's frustrating! I don't know how to see families the same way anymore aarg!!!!! I don't like this !