I’m not doing good tonight. I can’t stop feeling guilt. I can’t stop obsessing. I can’t I just can’t. I was in a voice call but everyone went to bed and my sleep schedule is messed up again and I’m scared. I feel so alone more than ever after what happened the other day and I’m scared. None of my friends are online. And if they are they’re busy. I just feel guilty and no matter what I do there’s a new bullet point on the checklist of bad things I have done in my life. It is making my mental state really low. I don’t know what to do.

It really is. I’m so tired. I can’t live like this anymore. So I’m stuck in a limbo.

@Mars that’s exactly how i feel. i literally feel like i can’t live with my self. i feel so much guilt and regret and disgust with my self. and it’s like i cant enjoy anything anymore without ocd tainting it. it sucks. and on top of that, ocd has convinced me that somehow this is untreatable and i’m gonna be in this state forever

@ocdsvcks Yeah... I feel like my fears are true and if they are and I did hurt people the way I fear then people will hate me anyways so what’s the point. It’s terrifying all the time I just wanna be happy.

@Mars same :(( i just wanna be happy again

@ocdsvcks I’m just so sorry you go through this I really wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I just wouldn’t.

@Mars same:((!!! it literally is the worst feeling in the world. i’ve said this before but, i literally would NOT wish ocd on my worst enemy. it’s the worst thing in the world

It’s just hard I can’t stop feeling scared I’m secretly a sexual predator and don’t know it. It won’t leave me alone and I can’t do anything anymore. One moment it’s a fear of being a pedo and now it’s just a sexual predator in general. I can’t stop the sexual intrusive thoughts and it’s driving me up a wall and I’m so isolated all the time I am normally always alone most nights. I barely see my parents and we live in the same house. I’m just so depressed and scared. It feels like this is a black and white situation.

@Mars I get that feeling and I hate it too. OCD takes the smallest little idea that crosses my mind and amplifies it so loud it feels like anyone near me would be able to hear my terrible thoughts. The OCD wants me to think everything is crumbling and it’s hard to confront that thought with a oh yeah so what kind of attitude because the fears feel like they are something that I need to address ASAP. There’s no easy way to get the mind to behave itself. I’m sorry that tonight is being so rough for you.

@Delta Thank you... I wish ocd wasn’t like this... I really do... because I’d the worst fear is true I just can’t forgive myself and I know no one else would either. It’s a mix of depression, existentialism, and ocd all in one. Someone I think tried helping me by doing ERP by saying “what if you did sexually assault someone as a kid?” And it made me feel scared despite t supposed to help. I don’t know what to do anymore. My head hurts and I’m scared.

@Mars OCD definitely plays on what if’s and terrifying thoughts. And that’s how it thrives. It really does make you feel like it’s all or nothing. I wish it wasn’t like this either.

@Delta Yeah... and like the subject of sexual stuff is the worst for me bc I’m not the only one who sees that subject as black and white. I’m just tired.

@Mars It’s exhausting battling OCD! I can totally get why you’re tired.

@Delta Yeah, like ya know when I think of all my ACTUAL dumb sexual encounters they probably aren’t a big deal but my brain makes me think them as one. And the thing from my childhood wasn’t even sexual and my cousin doesn’t even know what I’m talking about. It’s just the sole fact that it’s linked to something in my adulthood idj how to explain it but it’s in another post I posted before. But yeah idk! It really is tiring to deal with. I’m trying to just survive.