- Date posted
- 5y
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- 5y
I know how you feel
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you. I feel not that lonely. My brain distorted the meaning of something so much I can't visualize peacefully. Just this morning I got my imagination back for no reason and I was happy but also nervous that I'm forcing. And now it got distorted and now whenever I imagine a guy and his face is blank I feel so uncomfortable and scared. I don't want it to be like that!!
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- 5y
Do u have instagram or whatās app so we can chat
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- 5y
Yeah my @ on Instagram is sanzide
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- 5y
There's a picture of an anime girl sleeping on a desk
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- 5y
Why don't you want to be like that ? It is just a mental picture of guy with a blank face. It means nothing, don't put a meaning on it.
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- 5y
It does have a meaning from the things I have read and I don't want it to be true at all. This could mean I'm gay. Apart from that it's uncomfortable to think of a guy with a blank face. It is not just a mental picture that I'm creating. It's stressing me tf out
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- 5y
Iām so sorry youāre going through this. I would say stop searching those things up and you know your brain has put a distortion on it so just tell OCD ābring it onā and put your game face on, donāt react, say okay or maybe and move on with your life. You got this
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- 5y
Thank you. But I really can't do it. I can't be ambiguous about my sexuality. Im in a severe state where I don't have anxiety but I'm very scared. Today I woke up having a horrible dream about girls though I was relatively fine :(. Its stressing me out a lot. Hopefully it will be okay ?
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- 5y
@sanzida? Yes it has happened to me and I donāt get anxiety anymore which is so so scary. I have dreams where I literally have HOCD and ROCD in them and I even reassure myself in the dreams. It is SO weird
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback I reassure myself too but lately everything is triggering me. I feel so gay, I don't want to be gay but I feel like I'm lying :(. I'm not getting very anxious but I still have that concerned look on my face
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- 5y
@sanzida? I feel this so much. I really donāt want to be gay or bisexual or have thoughts like this. I wanna live my straight happy life with my boyfriend. Iām tired of it. I just want to know 100% that Iām straight
- Date posted
- 5y
@takingmylifeback Me too :(. I don't have a bf but I want one, like really badly. I wish I had one. Does it help your hocd since you have a bf? I suppose not since you'd still have doubts if you're lying to your partner
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- 5y
@sanzida? Heās been there for me always but it started because of my boyfriends. I had ROCD first and still do but now itās both of them and it makes it so hard because my bf makes me so so happy and I wanna marry him so itās so hard to deal with it
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback That's so nice of him. Oh! You guys seem just like those couple goals on insta. I'm so sorry that you deal with rocd, it isn't something nice to go through :(. I have experiencrd it a little during a brief relationship I had but not to a great extent. I hope you recover soon
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- 5y
@sanzida? Awe this makes me happy thank you!! And Iām also sorry you have to deal with this. I know we will get through it
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback Hopefully, I just wish I could go back to being straight and happy and not have my imagination for guys so distorted :(. Like they have literally started to look like Picasso's paintings. I feel uncomfortable but also comfortable. My OCD makes me feel guilty for not liking girls ?. I never felt this way beofre :(
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- 5y
@sanzida? Iām so sorry you got this
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback I'm sorry for you as well. Thank you for being here to support ā¤ļø
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback God I have started to contemplate if Id like dicks on girls and it's making me uncomfortable ? but also giving me groinals. God I feel like this is true now :(
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- 5y
@sanzida? Just donāt respond to it. Say okay and do something else
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback I'm doing an assignment and I'm so distracted by it ?
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- 5y
@sanzida? Breathe and tell OCD ābring it onā
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- 5y
@takingmylifeback Okay then :( I'll try to say that
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I had a bad rumination spiral yesterday and went to bed hoping Iād start over in the morning. I was wrong. I had dreams about liking women and not being attracted to men anymore and my entire body has been in a state of anxiety since. I genuinely feel like Iām gay and just need to accept it. I have this urge to accept it. Maybe if I do Iāll get some sort of relief because this feeling is awful. I feel like my brain is telling me that Iāll get relief if I just accept it and come out. The intrusive thoughts donāt even seem to be around sexual images anymore, just to come out.
- Date posted
- 18w
im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
- Date posted
- 18w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe Iāve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didnāt think anything about it, thatās just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didnāt have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I canāt exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didnāt think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that Iāve never had a boyfriend and Iām a virgin. Iām very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesnāt happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now Iām not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still donāt want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but Iām afraid Iāll find that Iām a lesbian and I really donāt want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now Iām worried about comphet. Iām really depressed and I canāt tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether itās their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now Iām afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But Iām also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I donāt feel the same way anymore. I canāt even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. Iām really scared that Iāve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I donāt want to explore with women, I just want to like men, Iāve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but Iām struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and Iām back at square one. Iām afraid if I take my meds Iāll discover something about myself that I donāt want to because Iāve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I canāt take it!
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