- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
It definitely is real for you, but I’m sorry that there aren’t more resources. SO-OCD follows the same pattern regardless of what sexuality you are in that it makes you question that you aren’t the sexuality you think you are/identify with. It tries to persuade you you’re the opposite of what you are, so for example being bisexual you are attracted to both genders but your ocd will say ‘but what if you’re only attracted to ONE gender...?’. Recovery still requires the same processes though.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I hear you. It's just tough. I think what amplifies that doubt (that I must not even have ocd) is because of all the info I've absorbed online about how my sexual preferences vs my romantic must somehow inform the answer to that question of sexuality. When people speak of sexual orientation ocd and dont mention bisexuals, it gives the impression that this info doesnt apply to you or something which sends the brain spinning.
- Date posted
- 5y
@hanny123 Can I ask what this info online is? I’d be careful with that as OCD changes and warps your ability to trust your preferences and figure out your sexuality. Also I think sometimes the labels we use for themes in ocd can be a little harmful as the problem is all OCD, thus it doesn’t matter whether you’re bisexual, gay or straight, the ocd thought patterns are the same.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Soph Sorry meant to reply directly. This app is a little confusing haha!
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes I agree, particularly when people are calling it HOCD rather than sexual orientation OCD iit creates the impression that only straight people experience it. I guess the info online I'm talking about is the typical info from "late bloomer lesbians" onreddit, or people discussing comphet, in the reddit community theres a large faction of the lgbt community that makes it their mission to preach that bisexual women are really just repressed lesbians suffering from compulsory heterosexuality and if even some of your experiences overlap with lesbian identifying women then they think u must be in denial. Now obviously, I've thought about this a lot and see how toxic and misguided that information is because it requires a lot of assumptions, black and white thinking, and totally discounts an OCD sufferers journey with sexuality. I agree that consuming that info in the past has seriously warped my perception of my sexuality and preferences. For a while I learned to realize the toxicness of that language and it improved my happiness a lot and improved my ability to enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend. But its it's an area I have been having spikes in this past week.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I totally understand you. I read stuff on compulsory heterosexuality earlier this week and it was the biggest trigger I’ve had in a long while; but then I tried to look at it rationally and think how whoever is writing that stuff probably has a little bit of an agenda (as they’re lesbian themselves), and that also no information online or experience of another person is able to tell us our sexuality. But suffering from ocd we immediately see info and think the dreaded ‘what if we are that’, which I just don’t bother to answer anymore as it’ll never lead anywhere.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Soph Yeah, that's a good nugget of wisdom. To just not try and answer the what if. It really doesnt lead to anything positive, trying to answer it. Definitely an agenda there, although it's probably not intentional, but you know people seek community online and those communities won't always line up with how you choose to identify yourself.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.
- Date posted
- 11w
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
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