- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand, for a few years I was very manipulative to my ex best friend without even realizing it and did a lot of shitty things and probably hurt her. After well fell apart I was terrified of hurting others the same way. (This was only last year so these feelings are still fresh) the best you can do is try to forgive yourself. It’s good you’re aware now of the things you did. But also don’t be so hard on yourself. Sad truth is we’re human and as humans were going to make mistakes and were gonna hurt people. It’s how you go about fixing the problems. I know how you feel completely especially with envy, there’s a lot of cbt and dbt skills that may help you in that regard. Just don’t let yourself obsess with how you treat others because my ocd is doing that to me and I’m constantly getting intrusive thoughts that I’m just using people or that I don’t care about people when I do.
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s great to have someone relate! I completely understand everything you’ve said. I obsess a lot about ‘care’ and whether or not I care for the people in my life. So this example with my friend was a real kick. Because if I can do that, and so horribly pick on someone’s insecurities, what more can I do? That just PROVES I didn’t care about her. I remind myself that me being so worked up about this is proof that atleast NOW I care. But I don’t know if that’s me or my ocd. You’re right though. We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. It’s a matter of positive reinforcements if we wish to do better. Beating ourselves up will just make it worse. But sometimes I feel like I need to, you know?
- Date posted
- 5y
@garden :) I just can’t believe I was so manipulative. And because one of my biggest fears is being a narcissist or sociopath... that scares me a lot.
- Date posted
- 5y
@garden :) Yes, but people with ocd OVERLY punish themselves because they feel they deserve it. People with ocd are overly hard on themselves which in cases like these I find it harder to move on and better yourself. I know tho things are easier said than done, I still have trouble with these and I will. You were young and like I said were all human. It’s definitely hard to figure out what is and isn’t ocd with something like this. I have BPD, so sometimes my bpd and ocd mix and mash and it’s hard to tell what is what a lot of the time. You’ll get through it though and you aren’t alone. You will grow and become a better you.
- Date posted
- 5y
@garden :) Also I have those EXACT fears of being a sociopath or narcissist so I definitely feel you with that
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars You’re right. It’s just so hard. I’m scared this truly means something about my character. I feel doomed. I tell myself that tackling my jealousy problem will fix it all, but I also fear it won’t. I fear I just don’t care for anyone in this world. That’s so terrifying.
- Date posted
- 5y
@garden :) I understand, what ever ends up happening though you will be ok and you deserve good things.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars I just don’t feel like I do. Do you think it’s possible that I can change my ‘bad’ emotions like jealousy?
- Date posted
- 5y
@garden :) I think it’s human to feel jealousy! Everyone feels it. We humans feel “good” and “bad” emotions! It’s not about stopping them, it’s about changing how you react to them and expressing them in a healthy manner : )
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars That’s so true. You’re right. I can’t choose how I feel but I can choose how I act. Thank you for all your help :) I hope you’re okay too
- Date posted
- 5y
@garden :) Yes exactly! And thank you, it’s a journey and some days I can feel myself wanting to express my own emotions unhealthily but all you can do is try and work on coping skills to not!
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars Exactly. I hope I can get there! And I hope you can too
- Date posted
- 5y
I was 13/14/15 at the time of our friendship
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.
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- Date posted
- 11w
the past month ive been ruminating about a time last year where i hurt a friend by unintentionally bringing up a traumatic memory when i was really drunk, enough that i didnt remember it, so i went 6 months without apologizing until i was worried when they werent talking to me anymore. so they told me when i finally tried to talk to them. i apologized and they told me we were ok now, and still want me in their life, but now they stopped talking to me again and its been 3 weeks, and im terrified that i did something again, especially since they stopped talking to me when i made a mistake before, and wont tell me outright. the event triggered horrible horrible guilt over what i did, mostly guilt About the guilt i was feeling, because its not a normal amount of guilt for a regular person, and eventually my compulsions for confessing and ruminating reached a high point. and when they stopped talking to me again they got even worse . they are aware i suffer from ocd and anxiety to an extent (we've been friends since we were teenagers) so its hard for me to believe they wouldn't do this unless i did something wrong again, especially due to the events of my past mistake. lately ive been wondering, 'have they found out my abnormal reaction to what happened ?' 'did a friend who knows about it tell them?' ive been avoiding asking them if i did something wrong again, because i dont want to make it a habit since i can fall very deeply into that hole of asking for reassurance and i feel even regular reassurance, without the ocd, im the last person who deserves that right now. im scared they somehow found out about my compulsions (which isnt entirely irrational) and i feel the need to apologize to them again. ive been having panic attacks about this. i feel like no matter what i do i cant fix our friendship, and its going to end badly. i feel like a terrible friend, and im too mentally ill to have friendships. i don't know what to do.
- Date posted
- 8w
My ex and I were definitely not the best match for each other, even though we convinced ourselves we were for nearly seven years. We said some things to each other we probably both still carry on now. One thing he’d tell me always was that I was mean when we fought/argued. But I only ever got that way when he didn’t listen…cause when I did soften my tone, or showed my vulnerable opinions he never took it seriously. I’ve realized over the years that my OCD usually gets heightened/worse either when I’m stressed, PMSing, or am on an estrogen related birth control. Sadly my life has changed drastically and so near the beginning of this month I switched to an estrogen/progesterone combined birth control pill. It has been great so far, up until this past week. My current boyfriend truly is a saint, and is the genuinely sweetest men I have ever had the privilege of knowing. But, I still get angry. Thankfully I never EVER get angry at him. I will talk my feelings out to myself (like at my job when I’m alone or in the car on the way to him) and work out my anger before I even see him: cause 9/10 times…it’s all in my head, with whatever is wrong. I’m just so worried that 1) one day that angry and mean side of me will come out again. I never ever want to make him cry, or make him feel unworthy (which is how my ex told me how I made him felt) and 2) that he’ll see me for who I ‘truly am’. He swears to me that I’m a sweet girl, and that I don’t have an angry bone in my body. But I see how agitated I get, I see how bitter I can be. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared of hurting him. I’ve been nonstop thinking about this past week and I just want relief or a break from me.
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