- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Instead of saying i am a bad person you should say OCD makes me feel like I am a bad person.
- Date posted
- 5y
∆∆∆∆great advice
- Date posted
- 5y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for understanding. I just feel terrible, because this is something I stand against now obviously but everything I look at tells me that it was child on child sexual abuse. I hate myself for it, but your insight has helped a bit. Thank you.
- Date posted
- 5y
Of course this was not child to child abuse and I'm a little shocked that you hate yourself for this incident. You should at least have the insight that this is OCD talking and there's no reason to hate yourself. OCD is trying to make you feel like you're bad person and you fall for it don't do that. There is nothing bad with this incident.
- Date posted
- 5y
Wow. Thank you for that insight, I needed it. I'm not sure why but I've just been thinking the ocd is making me obsess over this situation and not actually distorting my view on it, or what it actually was. But a webiste I looked at did file having 4 yrs between the two people abnormal, and I'm still iffy about the situation where she was sleeping. It just makes me feel wrong.
- Date posted
- 5y
you were 10 though, and the fact that you’re acknowledging what you did and you’re not okay with it is a sign that you’re not a monster. A real monster wouldn’t care if it was good or bad and continue to do it. Trust me, you a far from a monster
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, I may not be a monster now. But knowing I once was is too much to bear. I feel like sexual is so important and a terrible crime. So I feel like a criminal-- even more so for not telling my sister that I made her grope me in my sleep. I just... it's too much for me to handle. I'm weak.
- Date posted
- 5y
@worryqueen I would hug you so tight rn but obviously I can’t. You aren’t your past, you’re not a criminal. You weren’t one then, and you aren’t one now. You were 10 years old, as a 10 year old you don’t logically think about things like that. It’s okay
- Date posted
- 5y
@ocdgirl$ummer Thank you so much. I feel like I've read too much about the topic. I've looked at articles of children who were actually convicted for things like this, and I guess if theres a 4 yr she gap it's wrong. I have too much info, I guess. Consent is key, that's all I know, and a sleeping person cant consent.
- Date posted
- 5y
The reality is: it's not with one second to think about this incident. The more you analyze the more you look up those things in the internet, the worse you will feel teaching your brain that something is important which in reality is not. Every second you deal with this incident is making it worse be it asking others for reassurance, looking in the Internet, or analyzing and ruminating. Every second counts. Instead of concentrating your powers on finding out what happened or to reassure yourself that you are not a bad person you should concentrate your power on just leaving the topic behind.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you, I needed this reminder. I know the only way to leave it behind is to accept it and forgive myself, but it just feels incomplete in my brain. OCD makes me think theres a missing puzzle piece that needs to fit in, and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
with=worth
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes I know this is exactly what OCD does. It gives you the feeling that if you only solve this last question everything will be great forever. The longer you prevail not to give into this the less search will become to get this final answer. And as I said you should consider taking SSRIs to make it easier for you.
- Date posted
- 5y
It's a tricky and horrible disorder. I'm going to try and find a therapist first to help me with this, then I will consider taking SSRIs. My hypochondria makes me hesitant to take meds.
- Date posted
- 5y
Search= urge
- Date posted
- 5y
Are you aware that you're engaging in loads of compulsions? If they worked, you'd have felt better after confessing to your mom .... But you don't feel better
- Date posted
- 5y
I know. I just dont have anyone to say this too rn because I'm not seeing a therapist when I really need to.
- Date posted
- 5y
*you are far from a monster
- Date posted
- 5y
I know, OCD likes to prevent you from taking meds. It's really tricky.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.
- Date posted
- 17w
This might be a bit disturbing but it’s been weighing on my mind. From all the posts I’ve made, I’ve talked about how I was influenced at a young age and saw things I shouldn’t have seen. A lot of it. I can’t remember much because it’s blurry and all muddy and in different timelines. Sometimes I genuinely don’t understand why I would do such a thing or how I could and I would constantly overanalyse things from the past. These things lead me to do things to myself out of trying to understand and curiosity and mimicking actions like kissing others in preschool. I made stupid mistakes I can’t take back and it weighs on me a lot. I don’t and can’t remember so much honestly but when I was at the age of 8, I inappropriately touched someone and it wasn’t out of harm but to understand why. What I did was wrong and the whole context of the situation is messed up but I knew to a certain degree it was wrong ( I spoke to this to my therapist who was very understanding and told me these things happen a lot when kids are young ) I remember at the time I felt guilt and realised I wanted to be a good person. I thought I was dammed for what I did and there was no coming back for me but I remember apologising to them and never doing it again. I had to keep this with me for so many years and it broke me a lot. I matured and realised my actions, spent time crying, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be here, and was filled with a lot of shame and guilt with nobody to be there or know about this. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared to also be badly punished but eventually as time passed, the person passed away and nobody knew about the story. This year I began opening up and for the first time I opened up to people about this because I wasn’t doing good mentally and spent days—months ruminating, panicking, and thinking I was a monster for everything. I never thought I would but it was with people I trust who loved and accepted me. I told them the situation and how I felt. I told my therapist briefly and she told me we could continue this convo the next time and that I didn’t have to tell her everything but… It didn’t make sense to me. I felt like I needed to confess everything or else I was a fraud. I do definitely care about their justice ( justice overall ) for what happened to them regardless of them not being here and I’m beyond sorry that something like this happened to them because of my stupidity when I was younger. I try my best to be understanding and compassionate to myself but sometimes it’s all filled with hatred and shame and guilt but I’m trying. People say confessing makes things worst. I feel like this is something that needs to be confessed but Ive already admitted my actions, regrets and told others about this but yet it’s still there . I’m not an angel but I do know, these stupid past mistakes have made me more empathetic to people and not wanting things like this to happen to anyone. As I’ve grown I’ve realised how these things can distort your view of reality at a young age because now as I’m older, I understand so much more than my younger self would. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I did certain things and people at my age were probably more matured and smarter than me. A lot of things happen in different timelines but I’ve matured so much and I understand my mistakes and the impact. I feel safe to talk about this to my therapist or here but to my family and others.. I don’t know what to say. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes and feel like I need to confess everything. I didn’t want to ever talk about this to anyone because I didn’t want to make things worst for people. This happened so many years back and I just didn’t want to bring the past into the present. I know that I have no right to really suggest this because that person was a victim. I don’t know what I should do. Confess? Or let it be in the past? I mean my therapist and close friends know about this.
- Date posted
- 14w
When I was around 19-20 I believe I showed my then 8-9 cousin crude pictures (e.g a cartoon image of a butt). I don’t know how many times I did this but I believe I was trying to be predatory by giving me control over her (not sexual just the feeling of wanting control)and also cuz I thought it was funny. For some reason this didn’t really start bothering me until now (I’m now 22). I don’t have any desire to hurt children. I’m scared by what I feel I’ve done. Should I go to the police?
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