I find it so hard to accept I have OCD. My OCD tells me this isn’t even OCD, that I’m just in denial. It’s hard because my OCD fails to separate the difference between being in denial and being gay. I can’t do it and my OCD needs certainty - I’m not content with not knowing. I feel so scared that I’ll get over this and then when I’m happy boyfriends and kids and whatever that this will come up again and I’ll realise all along I was gay and in denial and I’ll have to divorce my husband and my kids will hate me. My OCD is never satisfied either. Like I’ve always been content with boys, sexually and romantically but it keeps bring up the need to experiment and try it out to be sure you’re not or whatever and it’s stressing me the fuck out. My OCD pretty much sexualises everything so it’s no wonder I find women sexually arousing because when my OCD is bad I have images of me being with a women, I don’t hate it but I know I don’t want that in real life or as a relationship but also the fact I’m having these thoughts - my OCD is like are you sure though, because you might like it? Maybe OCD will go away if i am gay yanno. Fucking hell - I wish OCD would just be quite for a hot minute so I can enjoy being intimate and having a laugh with my boyfriend. I’ve named my OCD Regina George because she’s is fugly slut and is ruining my life ? Anyone relate?

Never thought of it like that - that is so so so true x

It’s so so consuming! I think even if I did try it out my OCD would still go nuts. I just want it to go away tbh. I need to remember sexual attraction does equate to sexuality ? we will get there though, we got this

@pure093 As in I look at someone of the same sex and I’m having an intrusion whereby I’ve sexualised them and I feel aroused that doesn’t mean I’m gay. Just as I’ve previously watched lesbian porn before HOCD and that doesn’t mean I’m gay just because I enjoyed it yanno - I hope that makes sense. As in sexuality is more than sexual attraction alone, is not just who you find attractive

@pure093 Does that make sense? I’m panicking now that I’ve either upset you or that maybe I’m wrong and my OCD is going mental ?

@pure093 That is OCD - it wants certainty! Unfortunately because we have OCD we are trying our best to fit into a box. But we have try and be comfortable not knowing and recognising that arousal is simply arousal is one of those steps. I’d love to reassure you but I’m not going to give your OCD what it wants x

You can do it! Remember, maybe you are, maybe you’re not - which is so so uncomfortable but the sooner we accept that, the sooner the anxiety passes and the sooner we get clarity x

It’s bloody nightmare: I think the boyfriend bit is my ROCD and HOCD ganging up on me ?

@beth Yup I have both too and is sucks to bad I’m sorry you’re going through it

@takingmylifeback I’m sorry you’re going through it too - but we can get through it!

It’s so annoying isn’t it x

Like literally it was so graphic I almost felt aroused, I didn't react properly to it either which scares me. I feel like I'm lying when I say I don't like it. I'm so scared :(

@beth It is!!! :(:(:(:(:(

@sanzida? I’m not going to reassure you, because that what OCD wants and then it will move. But treat dreams as you would thoughts. You don’t have control and so what if you were aroused, doesn’t mean anything x

@beth I'm scared to go to sleep, I feel like I'll not react to it properly which will mean something :( But thank you I'll try to be calm about it. I can't keep my cool because this has been happening since like 2 days :( And I'm concerned. Still thank you so much :)

@sanzida? Maybe you’ll go to sleep and have another dream like that and maybe you won’t - either way it doesn’t define us! It’s just our OCD