Just got finished with my erp for Hocd and because I decided to look at the most gayest pics because I want this shit to be done with I almost gave up doing this smh. But now when I see the pics I start to think hmm I’m a try that on a chick haha and then I smile and I’m like yeah buddy! So I’m getting better but it’s kind of weird too because I’m getting aroused as I’m switching my thinking to trying that with a chick which is good but then I have to keep looking at the gay pics while I was just getting aroused thinking that and it sucks because then it makes want to look up naked pics of chicks so I can jack off to them smh haha but I still have to look at the Gay ass pics smh.

I already wrote about this and you really helped me, but now I wondered?! During the erp, I look at a picture of that person with some grimaces that the brain sexualizes, otherwise I have incest ocd! The person is of my gender, I'm not gay otherwise. And then, based on those facial expressions, the brain creates sexual images in my head, which I often feel as sexual and mental arousel. It is enough to see the picture or hear the voice of that person! Based on the pictures it gives me the idea of ​​sexually touching myself on it and climaxing while watching. I feel an urge (I tried something like that a few times ago and now I'm afraid of it), and then the exercise is over, but I stay until I get the answer I want and the feelings that would calm me down, but that happens less and less... Have you had any experience, and is it a compulsion? how can I stay after exercise with that feeling of reality.. Thank you in advance❤️

This shit has to be one of the most confusing subtypes of ocd because no matter what you will never find clarity. When it started it wasn’t as bad and confusing because it was mostly anxiety. But when it started getting physical that’s when it got extremely confusing because I feel tension and fear when thinking of gay stuff but while testing I get arousal sensations so the big question is “if I am afraid of it how can my body respond as if I’m into it and if I’m into it how does my body respond with fear as if I’m not” and it’s endless. I wish I never started testing my arousal so I never started getting groinals to gay stuff in the first place. But there’s no going back now.

So been trying to do erp with my therapist for a while now, and tis really hard and feels like it's not working. Il get this weird sensation or feeling that makes me feel"gay" or as if I'm attracted to someone, and I know my therapist keeps telling me" you don't have to put meaning into the thoughts or feelings" but that seems impossible to do because and I'm sorry to say, it makes me feel that specific way. And I'll use the Erp quotes, "maybe maybe not" or"the more I struggle, the worse it gets" or"these feelings and thoughts are here, but I'm choosing to let them be" and I'll do nothing and try to let it be here but it's so distracting and feels very real, and it's like this sensation, small or big and it last all day, and even just sitting with it isn't working. And my therapist will tell me"you don't have to believe in it" and I'm sorry I feel like if it were that easy, OCD would have never been a problem in the first place, or live with uncertainty, however it doesn't feel like uncertainty, but feels very truthful or valid. Idk what I'm doing wrong tho