I have such a hard time with the Kinsey scale. It is so hard for me to accept that getting turned on by women in porn or like sexual materials doesn’t have to mean I’m gay. But that knowledge is what keeps me from getting up in the morning, being with my boyfriend, and having a satisfying sex life. I’m so paralyzed by the idea of being gay or bi that I don’t even live my life. I’ve suffered with HOCD for 5 years, had moments of recovery, and am now back to square one. In the recovery time, it never even crossed my mind that I like women. I wanted to hook up with men and have sex with men and date men. Now that I’m back in OCD, it’s like all that progress is gone.

Your right!

Why is HOCD so fucking strong? Why can’t it just let me be with my boyfriend! It is so unfair and frustrating ?

I’m waiting for my insurance to give me a quote for NOCD. I really really hope I can get in. I started an ERP workbook last night, so I’m hoping to get some relief. I just want clarity and the chance to have a fulfilling relationship.

Same here. It’s just weird. Like I’ve gotten over it before and lived as a heterosexual but it all feels so real again

I’m in an incredibly happy relationship and all I want is to be able to love him without worrying

@Yikes1000X I know I feel the same

I’m getting married and I’m afraid I’ll never have satisfying sex with a man because I’m so afraid

@Yikes1000X Lol woah sorry, I’m in a pretty bad episode rn let me stop unloading on people. Good to know I’m not alone

Imma too, it happened at the end of high school and I’m everyone just thought I was sexually confused. I’m not but I can’t help this fear and I feel like it’s getting worse because it’s moved passed groin responses for me and since starting ERP I feel attraction now to certain women. I feel like my worse dream came true.

@Anonymous I feel the same. I can’t even get turned on without thinking a gay thought and needing to stop. The worst part is I’ve thought this thought before

@Yikes1000X Omg im getting married too. Stressing out and super unsure. so hard

@Yikes1000X I feel this too, I can’t get turned on , it makes me freak out , or if I try to fantasize I can only see a girl and it freaks me out because my mind makes me panick if I see a girl or if I try to see a guy I freak out too, like as if I were disgusted

@That1girl It’s killing me. I feel so weak and even worse because I’m not fighting back

@That1girl Same here. Cant get attracted to guys anymore. Before I used to look at guys and thought they were hot, now its like i only recognize the fact they are good looking ?

@confused writer I felt this!! It’s like a wall, like my mind is saying “yea he’s cute but whatever”

@Yikes1000X I want to ask for reassurance so bad , but yea it’s awful when I think of a guy now I panick, it’s like my mind doesn’t want it , like as if I’m running away

@That1girl YES!!! OMG. I feel like I want to have sex cause "its needed" (my bf doesnt make such big deal if we dont, and still) and im so buzy with the thoughts.

@That1girl I feel the same girl. Exactly. The. Same.

@confused writer Same!! When I was with my ex I felt like I was being forced to (when I wasn’t , I wanted to) or that I had to and that I didn’t want to and it drives me up the wall

Both

I’m a single virgin so it’s even worse for me lol.