Sorry in advance for the long vent... So I’m literally sitting in the bed crying right now because I don’t know what I believe anymore. Like I’ve just been here thinking about how when I was in the 6th grade I kept having intrusive thoughts about being gay and like I knew I liked girls, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. But I was pretty much in denial the entire time because years later I came out to myself as bi, which was like the hardest thing to do. And about a year after that I came out to myself as gay, which was like the easiest thing for me to do. I was SO HAPPY, like I had this feeling that I was finally on the path to finding myself. A few months later the thoughts came back only this time about being bi. I knew I didn’t like guys and because of this the thoughts got worse, and now after months of suffering I keep fearing that I’m in denial like I was before. I keep telling myself that I’m gay because that’s what I believed, but now I don’t know what to believe anymore. I know these are symptoms of hocd, but what if I’m in denial and afraid to accept it. I’m literally in bed right now crying and trembling because I don’t know what to do or what to believe. Every time I do research about it people always seem to say things like “if you have been what you identify as for years, no thoughts gonna change that”. But when I think about that it makes me question things because I came out as gay about 3 or 4 months before the thoughts came back. Like what if this is just further proof that I am bi. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to find a therapist, but obviously one of their specialties has to be OCD, otherwise they’re just gonna tell me that I’m in denial because they won’t know how to handle the situation. But there are no OCD therapists where I live or any decent therapists that specialize in OCD. And even if I found one how would I get there? I’m tired of fighting. Am I even supposed to be fighting, or am I supposed to just give in to the thoughts?? I’m literally on the verge of giving up. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me??