- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I totally get this. I really struggle feeling loving feelings towards my long term boyfriend. I find that remembering that I WANT to love him, is loving him. Love is a choice not a feeling, the butterfly feeling goes away and we start to get annoyed with people. But love is an action and I choice, you choose to love him. Don’t worry girl, you’ll get through this the thoughts will go away if you let them. Praying for you!!☀️
- Date posted
- 5y
This is so meaningful. Thank you so so much! And I appreciate the prayer, too! Wanting to love him is loving him...I’m going to remember that! ?
- Date posted
- 5y
I am just beginning therapy for this. I have wondered the same thing. This has been a pattern for me in relationships where I have seen ROCD come and go in the same relationship and basically every relationship I’ve ever had. I am wondering if you have seen this same pattern in other relationships that you have had and can remember how “normal” it felt when the ROCD backed down a bit. I’m still learning too. How do you treat ROCD if you aren’t in a relationship? I am sure there is a way but really don’t know.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for your input! That does really help because, thinking about it, I can see that I did have it in my other relationships and was able to really clearly know when it was time to leave. I am starting treatment soon, and am excited for you! Since fear is always the basis of ocd, I’m sure your specialist and you will find a way to work on the relationship theme even if you’re single, so that you have skills in place for your next relationship! Wishing you the best!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end
- Date posted
- 20w
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
- Date posted
- 14w
I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.
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