I’m struggling with doing ERP with my rOCD right now. I feel like I have no loving feelings toward my fiancé, and if those feelings are so fickle, maybe we shouldn’t be together. What if I have rOCD AND am in the wrong relationship? Although I guess there is no WRONG relationship as long as there are no major red flags (which there aren’t). But maybe I just don’t want to be married to him? Today I feel annoyed by everything he says and does. I hate having to go through this all the time. I feel so tired.

I am scared. I love my fiancé. I love everything about him with my heart and soul. I just feel so empty. I have ROCD if you haven’t noticed lol. I keep going in cycles and phases where I feel ok with my past trauma regarding my ex partner, and feeling like maybe the trauma is still there. If you’re asking now at this point if there’s any feelings involved- no. I don’t feel romantic feelings of the sort. But, I am so scared. I am scared to see this person in public, so I don’t go out. I am scared to think about this person because what if I am thinking about them because I want them? It’s triggering, and I always make sure to not ruminate. But, as I meditate and I do ERP, I find myself feeling more lost and more susceptible to the pain of it. The trauma does not pain me anymore, it’s the thought that I might never be able to give my fiancé the life he wants. So, now I have to contemplate giving up a future that I have thought about. Waiting to make the engagement public to my family, for absolutely nothing. I love this person, they have been pure and honest and open. I am young, still. What if I am just with the wrong person, and this isn’t the person for me? It’s all a facade and delusion the COUNTLESS times I have redirected my thoughts to just tell them “You’re wrong, I love this man.” As I sit here, on the verge of crying, I wonder…. Is it even OCD, or am I just a bad person for concealing the thoughts and not giving it direct attention? Most importantly, is the man I love the one for me? Or is it truly all a joke?

I’m really struggling with my ocd right now. I feel like I’m unhappy in my relationship and all I do is get frustrated. I’m questioning everything about my relationship and I’m worried I’m going to ruin everything.

I’m so terrified that my feelings are not a product of ROCD and are actually real. They feel real, I think they are, and it makes me mad because I just want to be in a happy relationship but then I have a really real thought that picks apart every aspect of my partner: what he looks like, how he sounds, how he acts, how weird he is, his intelligence, his emotional state, etc. recently it’s been really sad because I feel critical towards him doing normal things like feeling exited, or trying to be funny, or making jokes, or even him being vulnerable and crying. I feel so judgemental and it feels so real, like that’s how I really feel, and maybe I do think he’s a little weird but I don’t want that to stop me from loving him. And I feel like it’s bad for be to think and feel all these things. I don’t want to let these thoughts take over my life and ruin all the growth that him and I have done together, but it honestly feel like that’s how I really feel some days, and idk if it’s ROCD.