18+ only please, nsfw talk My ocd is giving me semi false memories. Semi not bc I know what’s true and what’s not. I just feel sick and I’m so depressed and scared that I haven’t showered in days and I’m awake all night. I don’t normally sleep till 9 am and wake up at 9 pm. And then I end up feeling terrible all night. Always ending up in a crisis. My pocd is bothering me because I age regress and I feel I can’t explain bc no one understands what age regression is which makes me wanna rip my hair out. I just remember times I used to come home from work ready to take a bubble bath and regress but instead I would compulsively masturbate in the bathtub every time and I know I wouldn’t be regressing during those times but also I feel disgusting bc my intention would originally be to relax and regress after work every time and I fucking hate it. I feel sick and I always only masturbate compulsively. Then I would always rush to ask reassurance from my ex best friend and she knows all my secrets so I’m scared of her spilling them. What if her reassurances weren’t true? What if she lied and does think I’m a bad person pr a disgusting person or a pedo. I don’t know I just wanna disappear a lot but I can’t so all I do is sleep. No one understands. It’s something every night. I need to shower and I can’t even do that. I just hate my life. I feel like I’m a horrible person and I don’t know. I really need someone right now I feel so alone.

Thank you, it just hurts bc no one understands my age regression either and so!!! Ugh... I’m scared and I’ll never know how my ex best friend thinks about me other than “despite everything I wish you the best” basically... I’m scared I’m eventually gonna get called out as a pedo or something like I hurt her one day. We’ve even had sexual rps and I don’t know even that makes me feel guilty bc I will never know if she was uncomfortable or not. She never seemed that way and if she ever wanted to skip that she would say and I’d be like that’s fine. All this stuff just gets to me. And I end up feeling guilty to do ANYTHING. I feel too guilty to even regress. And I feel so alone bc like I don’t speak to anyone ever.

@Mars If your best friend say something, nothing is going to happend because you have OCD ,nobody go to jail for their thoughts and your false memorie neither ,you don't know if that happens so you can't go to jail for that,and about your friend say maybe yes maybe not ,maybe she feel uncomfortable maybe not ,that have to be your answer for everything,and like I say before ,let the guilty be there ,that flows and eventually it will be easy ,believe me.

@sunflowers I really wish it’d go away soon bc at times she also was my caretaker when I regressed (we never were sexual during those times obviously) I just wanna be able to regress again and feel safe again for once in my life :( I’m so tired of feeling this way

@Mars I know sweetheart but start doing little things ,when this guilty and everything response : maybe yes maybe no,maybe this happend maybe not ,maybe I'm this maybe I'm not ,either way I'm going to be freaking happy because I choose happiness in everything and analize, checking,concentrate in guilty... It's not choosing happiness,comon I believe in you.

@sunflowers Thank you... I will definitely keep moving forward and trying.. ? everything is hard but I’m gonna push to go to school in the fall despite guilt

@Mars Yes ,you can do this I understand you , a few months ago ,the guilt was eating me alive ,I go to college but I really wasn't there mentally ,I feel bad all the time ,I feel that I wanted to cry ,a love college but I wasn't there ,so start accepting everything and in a few time believe me ,it will be a lot better.

@sunflowers I hope so... I feel college is a way to get apart of my childhood back (aka going to school, having school schedule, doing homework, etc.) so that would definitely make me happy.. but agh I hope the guilt will eventually go away... it started to but a vindictive ex friend went to my ex best friend recently to upset me. So that was the trigger :(