So I am slowly, slowly accepting this but I'm struggling. When i used to watch porn i came across lots of daddy-teen type roleplay themes in porn. I remember role play scenes of like "step dad" or "mums boyfriend" and things of that nature. I am aware it was acting between adults and everything is consensual, but there is still an unethical nature to roleplaying such fantasies in my opinion, things like sneaking into her room etc. I really do get that it's fake, but it doesn't seem right to me to allow fantasies like that to exist. I have a problem coping with memories of scenes like this that I saw in the past. I dont even watch porn anymore, I havent in like 2 years. I also remember some scenes with what seemed like men filming with prostitutes, and I cant help but wonder if the women had all the rights that a porn actress would have? What if they didn't? What if they didnt sign contracts etc before? I know I'm thinking far too deeply into it. This is why I find porn a disgusting industry, and I'm sad that as a young teenager I found porn and regularly went on it, because it's so unethical and I feel that I'll never be able to wipe the shame of it away. Memories of these kinds make me ruminate. There is no clear answer, I cannot be sure of anything so all I feel is shame and ruminate feeling like a bad person for ever viewing porn in the first place.

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.

Like always, porn has been a problem and I spent the entire night watching it. I feel tons of shame for things I've seen without intending to see, and I feel shame about struggling with it altogether. I kind of feel like crying but not that much. I'm just trying my absolute best to practice acceptance and not judge myself. I'm just trying to see this as a problem that others struggle with as well and not put myself down for it over and over again. I know that doesn't help in the long run, but it's hard not to feel that way.