So I am slowly, slowly accepting this but I'm struggling. When i used to watch porn i came across lots of daddy-teen type roleplay themes in porn. I remember role play scenes of like "step dad" or "mums boyfriend" and things of that nature. I am aware it was acting between adults and everything is consensual, but there is still an unethical nature to roleplaying such fantasies in my opinion, things like sneaking into her room etc. I really do get that it's fake, but it doesn't seem right to me to allow fantasies like that to exist. I have a problem coping with memories of scenes like this that I saw in the past. I dont even watch porn anymore, I havent in like 2 years. I also remember some scenes with what seemed like men filming with prostitutes, and I cant help but wonder if the women had all the rights that a porn actress would have? What if they didn't? What if they didnt sign contracts etc before? I know I'm thinking far too deeply into it. This is why I find porn a disgusting industry, and I'm sad that as a young teenager I found porn and regularly went on it, because it's so unethical and I feel that I'll never be able to wipe the shame of it away. Memories of these kinds make me ruminate. There is no clear answer, I cannot be sure of anything so all I feel is shame and ruminate feeling like a bad person for ever viewing porn in the first place.

"Pure" OCD

Mars

Date posted: 5y

I get how you feel, I’ve felt guilty for watching porn that was either fake (like animated) and or you know it’s between consenting adults but there’s nothing we can do other than move forward.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

You're right, it's in the past. Also, it's not really out of the norm either to come across porn like that. Porn is filled with such stuff. I just wish OCD didn't grasp onto it like this.

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd Yeah, I actually spoke to my therapist about this yesterday. She tried telling me about it being things like fake and fantasy etc. and that it doesn’t mean it’s reality. And yet I do see the arguments still. And ocd loves to latch onto that. She also said a lot of my ocd themes seem to deal with sexuality/sexual nature. It does suck that OCD latches onto these things because they’re some of the most taboo in our society, but we must do our best to sit with the discomfort, because anyone else wouldn’t obsess about it like people with ocd do.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@Mars I got into an argument actually with someone else on another forum because she was arguing for DDLG relationships and, I couldn't help but say that I found the idea immoral and unethical, even if it is between consenting adults. I think my OCD was doing the talking for me though, because people without ocd might not really care about such roleplaying themes.

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd Yeah, it’s definitely hard and I too struggle with things like that. Especially with things like ddlg. I age regress and I hate ddlg because they sexualize regression. But I’m sure others wouldn’t care. But I also have friends who would argue fiction does effect reality and they don’t have ocd. So it’s definitely a confusing battle.

OCD-223

Date posted: 5y

Unless it is against your religion or otherwise would it not be worth watching specifically these porn videos and letting your anxiety increase. As an exposure. This is surely the only way to train your brain that you don’t care. I have the same issue and try to do the same thing. Mine is with “abusive” porn but I know it’s consensual etc. but same thoughts. It’s tedious and horrid. I understand.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Yes, probably but I've built this ethical foundation since my moral scrupulosity started and I cant fathom exposing myself to porn again with all those underlying worries I have about porn (and the reasons I stopped watching it in the first place). Like what if it isnt consensual? What if the actors are underage? What if I come across something illegal on these legal mainstream sites. I know the likelihood is low, ofc it is low, millions of people watch porn every single day and porn is a massive industry but for me, I can't expose myself to it because I find it deeply unethical..

OCD-223

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd And that is precisely the reason to do it. Read about ERP and that is effectively the resolution if done properly. But if not then you need to speak to a therapist for an alternative option. M

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Real event false memory ruining enjoyment guilt

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

genicrop09

Date posted: 14w

21+ only

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

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