I'm so sick of this I have real event ocd And I ruminate from the minute I wake up I've discussed on here befor e about one memory I have but now I'm getting another about touching my dog down there, it's not very clear but I feel like I might have tried to rub him in some way to satisfy him. I was an adult and I just cant justify this I cant get my head around if this actually happened but it feels so real And if it is real why did I do it. I'm just so sick of this.

Remember these are just thoughts. The fact it’s causing you distress shows how much you don’t identify with it. People that do this and take pleasure from it don’t feel guilt, they don’t worry about the event. The fact that you do shows it’s OCD. They are all just thoughts

Yeah I keep telling myself I'm not that person anymore and that it may or may not have happened but it's so difficult. I have so much hate towards my self for the things I did m.

Constantly ruminating over the things I did and thinking I'm some sort of criminal or a bad mother because of my past. I sometimes confess to my partner or family but I've tried to stop doing that now.

Yeah I help other people but I'm no good at helping my self. It's just very difficult trying to come to terms with why I did the things I did.

What behaviors do you engage in that reinforce the self hatred?

I struggle with this too and it’s absolutely the bulk of my ocd and has been for a year or two. I find personally that the memory will start as something insignificant or maybe partially embarrassing or regretful that definitely did happen, (so perhaps for you it might have been you were checking your dog for an injury or giving it a bath) but it will be coupled with fear of being a bad person, or enough doubt that I COULD have potentially done something wrong and not remember it, that through repeated rumination and checking it gets slowly warped inside my head until I’m convinced it was something morally bad and the original memory no matter how innocent I cannot view as such because I’ve constantly associated it with anxiety and fear over and over again. Perhaps this is what you’re going through?

Without giving reassurance, I would say you are allowed and worthy of forgiving yourself for this. OCD is a monster, and makes us feel like monsters.

Yeah but most of them were children I was an adult, so you dont think it would make any difference ?

Thankyou

@FuckOCD did you do something similar to me, just I dont think I've ever actually spoke to you about what it was you were worried about. You dont have to share butni was just curious.