i just saw a tweet on my timeline but i read it wrong and i read it as “he fcked a rabbit” instead of “he fcked like a rabbit” and for some reason the first thing i thought to my self when i read it wrong was “oh so it’s common” and then i took a step back and was like “wait why would i think that? does that mean i think beastiality is okay?” and now i’m really worried that i agree with beastiality somehow and i’m really scared like why would i even think that??? im NEVER EVER had thoughts about beastiality before

"Pure" OCD

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

I have this fear too. Not with the theme of zoopheilia but I’ll think oh what if it’s more accepted for a SPLIT second and then I’m like NO I DON’T WANT THAT, I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT AND I DON’T WANT IT TO BE ACCEPTED

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

OMG EXACTLY i fucking hate it cause i never ever doubted whether this was okay before but it’s like all of a sudden my mind thinks this is super important??

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@zoya ACAB Exactly

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

i’ve*

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Hey is this an emerging theme for you? I've had the zoophilia theme and it came with a lot of analysing my responses to things. It started one day from the memory of someone pointing out that I was fascinated by these chihuahuas who were stuck together because apparently that happens with dog sex. It was both questioning why I was interested and just feeling super triggered about how awkward and embarassed I felt when this guy pointed out that I was staring. Then I had a bunch of other memories and loads of testing it like watching documentaries about it to see how I felt about it etc. Plus massive confusion that I quite liked the porn online with characters that look like monsters and if it's technically the same thing etc. The only way I was able to recover from it was by RESPONSE PREVENTION but also trying to embrace grey areas instead of dividing the world into a group of people who are morally good and a group of people who think beastiality is fine and like it and probably do it. I literally made so many grey areas until it was impossible to even attempt to put myself in a box and it also made me feel less scared of stigma/the moral element. Like, even if I liked it that wouldn't make me an inherently bad person, and even if I liked it I wouldn't have to do it. Anyway, your passing thought was "oh I didn't know it was common like that", not "oh that sounds good, I want to do that" or something. I think you have an idea in your head that the appropriate reaction would have been immediate disgust, but our brains don't really work like that. Not feeling disgust isn't a reliable indicator for what we think about something. That was one of the grey areas I found: thinking/beliefs/values and feeling are two separate things. Being able to disagree with something without having a strong reaction about it- for example, I don't like avocado. If I'm not repulsed by seeing it, that doesn't mean I like it. I don't think that gods are real, but not being angered and disgusted by religion or religious people doesn't mean that I secretly agree. My opinions are my opinions, my feelings only show up for stuff I really care about. When I watched a documentary on it, I analysed why I wasn't puking from start to finish, and the answer is because it was actually interesting and because I just simply don't have a strong negative feeling about it when it comes to the moment. The idea that I should is pretty arbitrary. They don't actually make documentaries with the expectation people will be throwing up from start to finish. And even when it's something personally relevant, my feelings aren't always there, I can literally imagine stabbing my sister (who is awesome) to death right now and the fact that it doesn't make me burst into tears doesn't mean I'm fine with it or I'm going to do it. There's absolutely no reason to investigate it. Try to treat this like any other moral OCD theme. You want to feel certainty that you're normal, morally acceptable etc. The truth is we are all capable of bad stuff, we just have to decide not to do it. The more you're aware of your ability to potentially do bad, the more you're actually conscious of your decisions in life. OCD is serious overthinking but there are also people in the world who never actually ask themselves whether they have the capacity to do harm, whether they're racist, etc. Those people aren't morally superior, they just end up blind to their own human nature. There's also no such thing as thought crime. Sure, maybe you actually "subconsciously" think beastiality is a good thing. But I doubt that even if you were into it, that would make you morally ruined- people should only be judged by their actions, and even then with a healthy capacity for compassion and recognition of youth or bad life circumstances etc. The more you leave the idea alone by not ruminating on or investigating the topic, the easier it will become to accept that the answer is "I'm probably not into that seeing as I've never fantasised about it, I don't think it's a good thing to do so I'm just going to not do stuff to rabbits lol". If someone had asked you about the topic and you didn't have OCD, that would have been your answer. There's no need to question whether you really aren't ok with it. It's the question which has triggered the OCD need for certainty, that's all. But you're not going to get it. Best give up trying ;)

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

omg this is exactly what i’m going through right now. a couple minutes ago actually, a memory popped up from a long long time ago when i was searching online about mastubation (i was like 9 or so) and i came across someone talking about how u shouldn’t let your dog lick you because it’s dirty and not good for you and all do a sudden i’m analyzing whether at the time i was okay with it. this thought spiral was due to ocd telling me “didn’t u think about doing that/didn’t you think that that wasn’t a big deal and you’d do it?” but the truth is, i literally have no clue if i actually thought that. it wouldn’t even make sense cause i didn’t even have pets at the time. the only thing i’m certain of is that i read about it and then for some reason i had a mental image of someone doing it. but i never EVER wanted to do it. i’ve never tried it ever or thought about trying it. but then my ocd was like “what if you were gonna try it after u got ur cat” but i NEVER even thought that ever and i never even tried doing that??? i feel like ocd is trying to pull these weird scenarios out of nowhere but they all seem so real and true but at the same time i can’t say for sure whether i thought or felt these things or not. it’s literally been giving me so much anxiety in the past hour, i literally feel suicidal. like i can’t ever live with my self if i thought like this. i would never ever hurt an animal like that and i never EVER had thoughts about doing stuff with animals. but these feelings and thoughts that ocd is telling me i experienced rlly feel like they could’ve happened and i cant stop ruminating and trying to certainly figure out what my mindset was at the time. it was so long ago and i had never even thought about it until now that it’s all foggy. ur wisdom literally inspires me everyday srsly, everytime i get a notif that you’ve responded to my post i get excited bc i know i’m about to learn something good lmao. do u by chance have ig or something that we can communicate on?

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@zoya ACAB You're so sweet. Unfortunately I don't do social media, and I find that I struggle to keep up with the commitment of being penpals. But I'll leave a forwarding address if I ever quit this app ? I've been where you are with feeling suicidal over it and not knowing how to deal with it. Can 100% guarantee that the theme can go away and that it's the rumination over it which is getting you to such a low place, not some uncontrollable disastrous problem. The less time you spend dwelling on it, the better you'll feel, which you already know. Being worried about it or imagining it or being fascinated/curious about it doesn't make the fear more likely to be true, but if you can find grey areas and ways to make those suggestions about what your thoughts or feelings might be or have been less threatening, that can give you the courage to leave it alone and reduce the urges to figure it out. The bottom line is that you're going to live by your values day by day and not do sexual things with animals. If tomorrow you were into it or thought it was ok, you would still not do those things (if not doing them aligns with your values). Your actions are both in your control and are your responsibility. It wouldn't matter to me, and isn't going to matter to any sane person you meet, if you had any 'deviant' thoughts about it, either then or in the future. It doesn't matter if you did think it was ok in the past. Plenty of people, including a lecturer I had at uni weirdly enough, actually have solid arguments about why laws against it (assuming consent from the animal) are arbitrary and stupid. They're still unlikely to do it, as it's illegal most places and v stigmatised, and having that opinion about it doesn't need to be linked to actually being personally into it. So it's all opinions, we all develop our own ideas about morality as we grow, there's nothing to even say that your present view about it is the "right" one or the most logical. Stigma is a scary thought for anyone, and right now your brain is responding to the fear of stigma and internalising it into shame. All that is another of the grey areas lol. Hopefully when your brain threatens you with the possibility that you thought or are thinking something you'd be judged for thinking, you can be really brave and not try to mull it over to extract a belief. Even if all your scary ideas were true, you'd still be safe and loved and have total choice over your actions. You don't need to have always been 'perfect'.

c444tmommy

Date posted: 5y

@Scoggy bahahaha that’s understandable!!! thank you so much :))!! im gonna try my best

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