Hi! I’ve been struggling with HOCD for a while now. It all started after a break up with my ex boyfriend about 2years ago, and I was so heartbroken that I decided I was done with men (lol), despite being attracted to them my whole life. I was scared for a while as I felt my attraction to men was gone, but I slowly forgot about it and moved on to have loads of crushes and heartbreaks. Now, it’s 2 years later and I have found the best man, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For sure. And the HOCD has come back, it’s taking over every one of my thoughts. I can’t do anything without questioning if I’d rather be with a girl, which I know I wouldn’t. I’ve had really close girl friends all my life, and I have never had any feelings for them. Even now when I see them, I have no feelings for them as I am deeply in love. I fear I am in denial and I always will be, even though I have no evidence that I might be bi or lesbian. It makes no sense in my world, and I’ve always been into guys and crushing over guys but my HOCD has made me question all of it and it’s tearing me apart. I am so happy in my relationship and up until about a month ago I hadn’t even thought of HOCD again. Please can anyone help with methods to overcome this and go back to my normal life.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anon

Date posted: 5y

Accept yourself as a lesbian (even though it will be so hard/scary at first). Tell yourself you are lesbian (even tho you aren’t) until you overcome that fear. Take meds if you can to lower your anxiety. Once you no longer fear the thought and decrease your anxiety, you will be able to see the irrationality of the thought. And also don’t avoid hanging out w your female friends, that just feeds your fear more. Carry on w your day as you normally do and don’t let your thoughts control you. It will take time.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you! I haven’t been ignoring my female friends we’re still all seeing each other and it’s a good way to remind me of who I truly am. I will try to do the method you are suggesting, but I fear I’d end up convincing myself more if I do that if that makes sense. As well as a lot of others I’ve seen on here, I’ve always had a dream of having an amazing boyfriend and marrying him and having kids and a successful life, that’s all I want, the thought of all that being gone is so scary so me. I know who I am, but these fears are just consuming me

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

That's not really what you should do. I've tried it and telling yourself you're a lesbian is just as much seeking to be sure as telling yourself that you're straight (whether you are or not) when you have hocd. You WANT to make yourself unsure and become ok with uncertainty. It's better to say I don't know, and it doesn't really matter right now. I tried what you're suggesting and I fully accepted the idea that I AM gay (even though I'm probably not) and everytime I would be attracted to men I would feel like I was lying to myself and I started compulsively forcing myself to believe that I'm attracted to women in order to "not lie to myself about being straight".

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@hateocd123 Thank you so much. I’ve embraced the ‘im not entirely sure of who I am right now, but it doesn’t matter right now’ mindset and it has helped a lot. It’s helped me to take some of the power away from my thoughts. But there are definitely times when it becomes consuming and incredibly difficult to gain that control and power back. Sometimes I just feel completely helpless. I do have hope that I’ll feel like myself again soon I just need to get the correct tools :)

Anon

Date posted: 5y

@mm0122 Yes it makes sense, that fear is ocd. Trust me you won’t convince yourself (I shouldn’t be giving your reassurance but you just won’t). The point is to grow endurance for the fear. Our ocd themes love to trick us. For you I’m assuming you don’t have Harm ocd, if you have a thought about killing someone, you know you can’t convince yourself to become a serial killer. But since you have HOCD, that uncertainty is making you uncomfortable, so you need to accept the uncertainty. And I will be honest, I can’t without medication.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Anon Thank you for that. I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks for a lot of my teenage years and I’ve had the hocd for a little while. Being an anxious person my whole life is quite hard because I usually have control over my anxiety because I’m more familiar with it. I hope that over time I can become more familiar with the HOCD too and learn to regain the control

Anon

Date posted: 5y

@mm0122 Yeah it started for me in high school, then I met someone and forgot about it. But I have a new theme of ocd and it so frustrating :( but good luck !

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Anon Thank you so much! I had it after my break up two years ago and it was horrible! I eventually forgot about it and went back to my straight life with no hocd worries. I guess it might just be because of everything going on that it has spiked! Good luck to you too and thank you for your advice :)

Anon

Date posted: 5y

@mm0122 Yeah I think quarantine messed our mental states because it got into our daily routines

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Anon Definitely! We’ll have the hope that we will all be A Okay after this! The only way is up!!

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