im so caught up in the past. im really scared that i thought about doing stuff with my cat. i cant even say for sure that i did or didn’t but my mind is making me feel like i had the thought. it’s making me so anxious i can’t stop obsessing over it

yeah but intentions scare me. like even if i did think it, why would i ever think about doing stuff with my cat?? and what if the thought was “i wanna do stuff with my cat”, like stuff like that rly scares me. why would i ever think that?

@zoya ACAB Because brains are creative and imaginative. By that logic, every author who has written fiction about a dystopia is dangerous, as is everyone who enjoyed the book or movie

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Or a crime novel

@NOCD Advocate - Katie omg yeah no i understand that part!! im just worried that if i did think it, that i wanted it or wanted to act on it. i know that u can think up anything but i guess intent is where i’m getting caught up

@zoya ACAB You're assuming that thinking something means you intend it. I don't think that's a reasonable assumption

@NOCD Advocate - Katie it’s really difficult to explain, i feel it’s more like “what if u did actually want it and agreed with it?” and that scares me so much bc why would i think that

@zoya ACAB So what if you want it and agree with it? I'm gonna now out of the conversation because I'm starting to feel us go round in circles. If you want ideas for leaning into the fear with exposures, imaginal or invivo, let me know

@NOCD Advocate - Katie im sorry i don’t mean to repeat my self. im just confused cause u said thinking something doesn’t mean u want it but i’m scared that i do or did at the time of me thinking that (if i even thought it) and yes i would like ideas for exposures please

@zoya ACAB actually let me clarify. my obsession started off as a false memory where my mind was trying to convince me that i thought about doing stuff with my cat. and then it progressed to “well let’s say i did have that thought; what if i actually WANTED to do stuff with him and it was a desire rather than a thought?” if that makes sense? like i guess my fear is “did i even think about doing stuff with my cat?” and “if i did, why would i want to do stuff with my cat?” i feel like i’m not making sense but i’m trying to word it as best as possible

@zoya ACAB and i’m scared the thought was “i want to do stuff with my cat” because i thought it was okay back then. but then again, i can’t even tell u for sure if that memory is real or not. my mind just threw that at me a couple days ago cause it was like “didn’t u think about doing stuff with ur cat once” but i can’t pin point when or if i actually did

@zoya ACAB So the way to short circuit the OCD cycle is to agree- "yes, I thought about doing stuff with my cat". When you're up for the challenge, you can write a script about doing sexual things with your cat so that the thoughts can become boring instead of scary

@NOCD Advocate - Katie thank you so much!! i’ll try this